Thursday, September 30, 2004

WTH,i'm in school just finished doing my docu. and now surfing through pokemon roms, all set to play when the semester's over...or maybe sooner wahaha...ok ok i know its v.pathetic for me to play pokemon at tis stage, but i got all excited after i watched the latest edition that was being played on Nintendo Gamecube at this game shop few days ago. *itchy hands* ok,ok, gonna stop surfing thru these wonderful sites..heck,gotta stop even thinkin about these sites hhaha..pika!!

Anyway,i guessed i'm doing ok handling my dead kitty's affair..i still think about it everyday and how i squashed its head with my big feet and watched it suffered all the way till its premature death*squeezes eyes shut*..but muz think of Happy Memories n images...but my mind drew a Blank coz its too horrible to be true...muz be strong...i'm so sorrry..

Projects coming and going,and hahaha,i'm having fun instead. i juz finished collaborating wif Lihui this docu abt performin animals and i'm gettin all depressed...yar,i know i chose to do the depressing angle but i didnt realise i got myself all Morbid and released so much details about Dolly the elephant being fed cyanide, or animals being mistreated ...Yikes!i guessed thats how i'm letting out my depression over the kitty accident..thru the docu...i juz hope it wont get banned by the censorship board wahaha!Psycho me...(Note to Jady: That was y i msged u about the bear cubs the other day when the msg was supposed to go to my classmate. Got my chatboxes mixed up hha)

Anyway,i missed my sister's award ceremony which is v.sad. i was about to rush off after school in a taxi when my father called to tell me its over..its a once in a lifetime event and i missed it...told ya i'm a hopeless sister...

"love means never having to say you're sorry"


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, September 30, 2004

12th October 1985

Sunday, September 26, 2004

i accidentally stepped on one of my kittens which were on my bed tis morning...and i killed it...its dead,and i'm responsible for it...i killed something that i loved..i'm a murderer..i feel v.cold ..i guessed i'm still in shock..incidents like tis happen in the papers,not to me..especially not me ..i dont kill cats, i luv them n other animals alike...yet i killed it. n i can nvr forgive myself for it......*ends*


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, September 26, 2004

12th October 1985

Monday, September 20, 2004

Its one of those days when i feel like crawling under the bedsheets or dashing across the roads...days when i feel unloved, n uncared, when i feel that my existence doesnt make any sense ..that it doesnt matter if i exist or not..its one of those days when i think that maybe the world would be a happier place without me...maybe it is..right?and whats worse there is no one tellin me the other way..coz i knew the onli one whu could pick me up is maybe jus myself,all on my own..always have been,always will does..i dunno y i feel this way..y i can feel so inferior sometimes but maybe thats juz me, the way that i am..itz one of those days that i feel an outcast to the world, to the happiness around me and i'm just watching it all on film, that maybe i could be on it someday...like maybe one day my family could go out n juz be like any other families on a day out..but i know it'll never be..its juz me On My Own


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, September 20, 2004

12th October 1985

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Ookie i cant even think of a single sentence to blog today..too tired so i'm juz gonna copy n paste tis particular poem which i'm using in one of my projects..enjoy~*yawns*

1. The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;
5

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,
10

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.
15

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Saturday, September 18, 2004

12th October 1985

Friday, September 17, 2004

(sings the hamster dance)Di da di da di da du du,di da di da du...wooohoo,i am turning upside down, i'm floating in the air,i'm touchin the sky, i'm piercing through the logical spectrum of the earth n gonna penetrate thru space to touch the black hole...n be sucked inside,never to come out again...*plonked down on the floor*

That black hole is School..the path in front of me is dark, very dark...so please kindly contribute to Siti's charity fund of torchlights. Your kindness would be greatly appreciated..Go towards the light people, coz the light from my matchstick juz flickered off n died. Woohoo,lemme see..week 13(two weeks from now)..5,6 projects to hand in?and one of them is a compilation of 3 mini projects..so that'll total till about 8,9 projects to be submitted in a week?Thats like more than the days in a week combine..and if its small ones nevermind la but its NOT..that basically equates out to totalhell for week 12..n marketing plan project is like summarising the WHOLE of what we learnt the whole semester, n applyin it to a media project started by a media compay in less than 20 pages..wateva..n he havent even finish teachin us..Whats worse is there are more loopholes(projects in hiding)that are to come,ready to spring upon us n catching us unaware coz we're already drowned with our hands full wif what we hav now..School is MAD!

On the other hand, aikido is getting more n more fun..sensei didnt cum tis week so his junior took over n he was GOOD. I was able to concentrate n focus for almost the whole lesson, except the last technique coz brain cells totally fried already(if i haf a brain in the first place, that is)The senior commented my legs were too stiff when it comes to breakfalling,but heh,yar,on purpose one coz i didnt want to be taken down by my partner hee..then rushed off to taekwondo lesson

..Damn,that indian senior took over again and he is So arrowing me lor!twice already(cant remember what he said the first time but i knew he was referring to me)..Bloody sarcastic,i cant stand him.he is SO arrogant sia..so what if his turning kick is good..his attitude SUCKs! HE commented about girls wearing low cut tops for trainings(obviously referrin to me who was wearing a sleeveless top) and how they are risking and subjecting themselves to stares n sleazes from guyz taekwondoists..hello,who ask your roving eyes to look down the taekwondo gee anyway?I thought the v neck of the gee was quite high already lo,wat the hell, juz want to arrow mi ritez..damn idiot..but this month is the month before grading so the NYP TKD is focusing on patterns more..har,that is like the only structured thing that they have in their trainings so far.. helped one of the black belts teach the brown1 to prepare for their black-belt gradings..but heh, after a few rounds we decided to 'train' far far away n started slacking n chatting..only one out of the three is going,and he's not that prepared..another was injured,the other one was in total blurness..Should i go for the training camp?hmm..oh yar, wats wif the instructor wantin the students to aim for double promos..i dun c the point ar coz by brown1 u still hav to know All the patterns...besides, they're already over 16 so will still hav to undergo the senior gradin mah..oh well,none of my business lar

lalala i'm going mad,now already feelin a bit floaty floaty due to lack of sleep..shall get some shut eye n wake up again to face this nightmare called 'school'...


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, September 17, 2004

12th October 1985

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

I think i stepped into poly and finally understood the term, 'monday blues' coz way back in sec sch n jc, i never Had monday blues..maybe on wednesdays or thursdays i would usually xperience mid-week blues but never monday..but as the day trudged by, it wasnt all that bad..

After lunch, all of us went to the fountain to slack..(which we were deprived of during the term break.I cant believe that term break was like 2wks ago..was there even a break??)Everyone was either reading or listenin to their walkman..caryn was in her own world, probably a bit sad that A-di dao-ed her yesterday. Me?i had no books to study or read, and my discman is spoiled so i ended up staring at the fountain and its inhabitants whom i realised were suicidal..Yar,the fishes in the fountain are Suicidal with capital S sia..i watched them trying to swim their ways up to the platform where the water sprouted out..and once they got their ways up, obviously they're not inside the water anymore so they flapped their ways about on the platform gasping n practically dying..then the platform which is quite slippery(duh,it was in the middle of the fountain after all) caused the fishes to slip back into the water so they managed to live after all..That was interesting i thought, they won't be that stupid to do it again..but NOooO, they swam their ways to the other side of the platform and did it again..geez,talked about morbid games, these fishes are like on suicide missions..or maybe these are one of their ways of entertaining themselves after getting quite giddy swimming around the fountain time n again..Then i fell asleep right there n then since the weather was all nice n sunny..even dreamt that i was holding on to my handphone n it slipped out of my hand n fell into the fountain..that woke mi up ar,then it was time for broadcast..li hui said i looked like a cat all curled up..har,more like a pig who can fall asleep anytime ar hha

As usual, broadcast was quite a waste of time after the 2hrs break..my results for the first two projects were both 'c'; very horrible..:( how to get back to uni path like this..and i know that i totally screwed the 3rd one..now left 2more,hopefully can really buck up sia..if not my results would b quite 'circular' wif the capital C..ouch!-sighs- Hey!i remembered, before broadcast started at like 230,yen lin told a super lame joke,i totally lurve it ar..it was something like there is a Xiao ming who was climbing up a hill.He came across a gold bar and a basket of fishes..but he picked the fishes instead. Why?The answer is damn lame, but super cute ar hha..^^

Then after broadcast came scriptwriting. wasnt in the mood to be creative or 'write' mood to write ar so was juz listenin to wat mr.chok gotta say abt doing varieties n comedies..then he made us do tis movie review variety show and how to write it..i stared at the comp. totally blank ar and started crapping away,which he found it so funny n started laughing out loud..i was like 'what?'and he was like, 'very good'..that was so weird plus i wasnt really payin attention much n got a bit lost abt some technical stuff how to write the openers for the exercise so asked him ar..Still didnt feel like listenin much so i was half-listening,half-typing away..I realised i can write pretty well at the start then i'll lose steam and that is costing me..i hope the docu. project wont b too bad ar coz now that i tink abt it, i had too little frames..-worried-

All in all the day wasnt too bad as it had started out ar..actually the day didnt start out bad,it jus felt bad coz i was draggin my feet to school..n i hardly drag my feet to school!coz i lurrve school life..maybe i'm gettin tired of school ar, oh no!i luv the lessons but projects after projects making me a dull student..n a lethargic one. Had dinner wif the little boy as usual but this time made him eat until he was super full(mission accomplished ^^)and we exchanged jokes for like solid 2hrs ar..tink we were the longest eaters there..anyway his Romeo n juliet joke was awesome ar,but too bad,i scored more points guessing the correct answers to his jokes and he scored like..none?wahaha, die already. i'm startin to go crazy wif jokes n lameness..but it made mi laughed..and i guessed thats impt. No wonder my friend The Lamer is always a happy girl back in PJ.Everyone shud laugh till cry almost everyday,then the days wont b so bad ar..ritez?give or take a smile or 2, you'll never know if someone will benefit from it ..oh ya,piggy's out of hospital i'm so hapi!doctor still cant diagnosed y his left eye is blurred so juz 'released' him together wif some medicine..hhhaha,'released'..sounds like from jail ritez?thats the word i used when askin him durin the visit, 'so when you know you'll be released?' then the little boy corrected me, 'discharged la, wat released'..and i was like 'huh?'..oh yar, release is for me, Released from the TTSH pyschiatric ward on gd behaviour hahaha..

I think my friend is depressed, need to catch up wif her more liaoz.wat she wrote in her blog really showed her sadness which is weird, coz to me, she is the sunshiny girl after all-sighs- Girl,Muz take care hor,dont be too caught up in ur sadness, there's always the sunshine somewhere out there even if it is too far away to see..maybe its even behind ur back ar,cheer up okie.
-hugs- seeya on thursday!~


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, September 14, 2004

12th October 1985

Monday, September 13, 2004

Oh well,today i went to visit Piggy with Raihan n hairi..it was pretty awkward at first since hardly see him around ar but he's still the same old pig..as always,had alot of fun chattin or laming around with him hha..dunno y ar but wheneva wif him can laugh until stomach pain like dat..stupid pig hha..well,doctor Might not released him 2morrow since he still doesnt know whats wrong wif Piggy and whats causing his blurred left eye vision(gee,i told piggy to tell the doc that its Pig virus making a comeback thru him arr but he refused hha)..Saw his mom and sis;both of them pretty nice people n can see where piggy get his looks from..Anyway,had alot of fun juz laming around wif him..dunno how come they came to the conclusion that i've escaped from the psychiatric ward(i was on gd behaviour probably ;) or i'm allowed out to influence other ppl wif my 'disease' hha; the latter made me sound like i'm Osama out to spread his teachings..:D) ..lalala,it was the first time in a long time i really laughed like crazy,forgettin all my sadness but i always do when it comes to being ard him ar..coz he's one of those people whu can tahan my lameness a.k.a madness :p..anyway,intro him to jasper whu came at the end of the visit..as usual,he was the shy shy,'stop being lame' kinda guy hha but yar,they met and i'm really thankful that he's not jealous abt me visiting my guy friend in hospital..i noe of some guyz who do go overboard at the mere mention of 'other guyz'...but piggy not a guy,he's a pig!hha..^V^
After the visit,we went to newton circus to eat..got a bit irritated with the hawkers whu kept pesterin us every step to sit down n order..n i had to be all mean n juz walked off from them..i noe its v.rude ar but i haf no idea how to brush them off politely besides the 'no thanks' which i think they dun want to understand :S..-sighs- but the worse part is havin to eat with an empty wallet wif raihan payin for us 2 first..Really should've gone to atm to withdraw money at the hosp ar..anyway, it was fun playin 'catchin' wif her when she wanted to give me back the money which i'd paid her right after dinner..:D..a bit childish ar i noe but it was fun hha..never felt this young for sooo long..wat wif sch making me jaded, n my family's forcin me to grow up n mature my thinkin..it felt so free jzu being me today..it felt so free juz feelin like a little kid all over again.. :)


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, September 13, 2004

12th October 1985

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Aargh,i think i have no courage or not much self-confidence anymore waaaaaaaaah..need to get back to tkd trainings n sparrings to regain it i tink..i wanna go back trainings!!!!!!!!!!n i mean proper trainings, not like some sch where diff. seniors have diff. styles of trainings so the trainees end up blur blur,or lose interest like me..that is so sad..

Anyway,y i said i have no more courage is coz...i cant let go of the railing when tryin to ice-skate!!!!arrgh,its not that i cant let go..its i don't want to let go..that railing over there Is my boyfriend and i'm gonna stick besides it no matter wat..i lurrvve the railing too much to let go hahaha.."-,-(lame!!)..Fine,it was my first time stepping into the skating shoes and the skating rink, and i knew that the hardest step is to let go of the railing..so i kept holdin on to the railing hha..Besides making excuses not to let go of it, i kept screaming my head off thinkin i'm gonna fall every few seconds..o.o n i hate the fact that i kept tripping on the ice >.<>

Tink maybe tomorrow i'll go down to Tan tock seng to see piggy who got himself admitted recently for dengue fever n blurred vision-sighs- now its the chicken flu season and he has to be the One to bring the Pig virus back hha..dunno wats wrong with his eyes, really hopes its nothin serious..i do not want to lose another friend..n i mean it..The fact that he's havin blurred vision kept remindin mi of someone whom i lost to eye cancer..choy!really hopes its nothin like dat or its gonna crush me bad..-bites lips- i do not want to lose anyone i knew ever again..

'in my attempt to treasure everybody every single moment, i ended up losing tracks of who r the most impt in my life..and losing all instead..'
n i'm sorry for that. Jus wants u all to know that even though i may not be able to meet you, talk to you everyday of ur life, all of u are always in my heart, esp deep in my memories..



Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, September 12, 2004

12th October 1985

Friday, September 10, 2004

Did anyone watch buffy season finale yesterday?i got fooled and thought she was gonna died,but she didnt and these whole sprouts of potential slayers were born..guessed i kena fooled, and i fooled my cousin too haha..but i love watchin coz BTVS has great scripts, and great monologues..What i could remember from yesterday was..

Buffy: Because... okay, I'm cookie dough, okay?
Angel: Yet another curveball...
Buffy: I'm not done baking yet. I'm not finished becoming... whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I've been looking for someone to make me feel whole, and maybe I just need to be whole. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next... maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then if I want someone to eat m -- or, to enjoy warm delicious cookie-me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.
Angel: Any thoughts on who might enjoy... do I have to go with the cookie analogy?

Buffy: Angel. I do. Sometimes... think that far ahead. We both have our lives, but...sometimes...
Angel: Sometimes is something.
Buffy: It'd be a long time coming. Years, if ever.
Angel: I ain't gettin' any older.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, September 10, 2004

12th October 1985

School is so so dull..for the first time i think i am so not enj0ying school life..Icas after icas after icas Every Week..and its not like One project to hand up a week,but a couple or more..grr,so borring..i'm feelin very very dull n jaded arrghhh

Anyway,today went to watch aeroplanes at the airport after school..that was totally totally awesome. As usual, i was like a small kid running to see the planes take off, kept saying 'eh, there the aeroplane flying off..or landing..or arriving..wanna guess wat airline is tat??Y so slow, i go first to watch ok?..'Cant help it ar,it was only my 2nd time at the viewing mall..a bit pathetic i know ^^ Really luv the sky and the way its so peaceful up there with only the birds or the planes, hopefully Not meetin or crossing each other's paths.."-.- But fell asleep on the train back to tanah merah..fell asleep so long that i think the train ran two laps around tanah merah to changi airports haha..oh well but i had a beautiful time..

Nothin much to blog except the dullness of poly life(does it sound ironic??) and the aeroplanes that took off or arrived at Changi today..spotted xiamen airlines, qantas, australian,SIA,silkair,garuda indonesia blah blah blah..but it was awesome. the planes are soooo bigg..n so shiny..n so smart(they actually toed the yellow lines, which some drunk people cant even do..that proves the pilots/planes are not drunk!!^^)..ah well, wat u expect from a girl whu dunno much abt planes and had never been on one before...onli on the makeshift small aeroplane at the science centre that wobbles up and down a moving platform??..i didnt even know what a runway looks like from far..so ended up very much like a person whu juz arrived from the stoneage..

Oh ya, saw huiwen in pigtails today n skirt..har,she tied her hair in pigtails was my first thought..O.o but she looked great and yar,different. oh well,i guessed poly changed people's lives in Alot of ways sometimes..juz hope i'll stay the same old blur blur me=)

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, September 10, 2004

12th October 1985

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

today i juz broke down n cried at the istana park when i was headin to PS on the way to go home..juz cant take it anymore..wasted two packets of tissues,his and mine but i cant help it..the tears kept on running n running .. maybe it was coz 2days ago was the prayers gatherin for my late grandpa;i missed him so much that when i saw an old malay man yesterday,the waterworks started immediately..the whole family's upside down without his presence n i guessed i hated myself for not takin care of him better...n esp that i refused to ask for 4giveness durin his last few dayz coz i did not want to make him leave with a much sadder heart..maybe it was coz i met up wif my jc friend and she talked about all the jc ppl we knew,and how uni.life is..n i felt disconnected from it, no longer a part of the world i could have been in..maybe it was coz of somethin else altogether..i saw the vehicles zoomed past in front of me and i tot,wat if i juz take a few steps twds them and it'll all b over..har,but i'm not tat silly or brave enuf to do it..

today was also my broadcast presentation..i really screwed up big time coz was playin wif my hair which kept fallin on my face..tink ms rose got fed up n refused to look at me or even gave me the hand signal signalling my time is up..-sighs-wateva lar,heck already, now juz scared i'll fail the module but i really cant go up n tok..ask mi go up n fight i can lar..but to go up n tok wif papers in my hands,i'll rather face the papers instead which i did..n yea,screwed up MAJOR..but marketin test was gd..i mean,it felt gd doing ar but i dunno if i answered the qns correctly..lost out to a 2mark qn thats like a giveaway qn i tink arrrgh..the qn was like, 'what is customer value'..somethin i glanced thru in the notes but shut it out of my brain aaaaaaarrgh!

guessed today my emotions were really on a roll..disappointed so earli in the morning,then felt sleepy,then lecture felt a bit crazy n fooled around, then marketin test gave mi a better vibe..tokin to my jc friend after that was great too..then i was put on a Silent Treatment mode for like half hr until i broke down n cried for almost an hr coz icant take it..i dun understand y ppl can get angry so easily n so long..at me..pls Tell mi wat is wrong,what i have done wrong..pls dun keep mi in the dark blur blur..jus dun give mi silent treatment,or get angry at mi for a long while..it cuts mi upside down and i meant it..anyway,after the tears i went on a crazy mode n started scaring couples making out in the istana park hahaha..well not really scaring,juz walked past them for a few rounds to irritate them from whateva they were doing in the dark dark places..but i peered up into the sky n i saw Stars!!not alot,but there were Stars,right there in town leiii..where can see stars in town one where there is so much light pollution..that made mi so happy...star light,star bright,first star i see tonight,i wish i may,i wish i might, have the wish i wished tonitez...aaar ^v^ **



Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Wednesday, September 08, 2004

12th October 1985

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Wednesday, September 01, 2004

12th October 1985