Wednesday, September 08, 2004

today i juz broke down n cried at the istana park when i was headin to PS on the way to go home..juz cant take it anymore..wasted two packets of tissues,his and mine but i cant help it..the tears kept on running n running .. maybe it was coz 2days ago was the prayers gatherin for my late grandpa;i missed him so much that when i saw an old malay man yesterday,the waterworks started immediately..the whole family's upside down without his presence n i guessed i hated myself for not takin care of him better...n esp that i refused to ask for 4giveness durin his last few dayz coz i did not want to make him leave with a much sadder heart..maybe it was coz i met up wif my jc friend and she talked about all the jc ppl we knew,and how uni.life is..n i felt disconnected from it, no longer a part of the world i could have been in..maybe it was coz of somethin else altogether..i saw the vehicles zoomed past in front of me and i tot,wat if i juz take a few steps twds them and it'll all b over..har,but i'm not tat silly or brave enuf to do it..

today was also my broadcast presentation..i really screwed up big time coz was playin wif my hair which kept fallin on my face..tink ms rose got fed up n refused to look at me or even gave me the hand signal signalling my time is up..-sighs-wateva lar,heck already, now juz scared i'll fail the module but i really cant go up n tok..ask mi go up n fight i can lar..but to go up n tok wif papers in my hands,i'll rather face the papers instead which i did..n yea,screwed up MAJOR..but marketin test was gd..i mean,it felt gd doing ar but i dunno if i answered the qns correctly..lost out to a 2mark qn thats like a giveaway qn i tink arrrgh..the qn was like, 'what is customer value'..somethin i glanced thru in the notes but shut it out of my brain aaaaaaarrgh!

guessed today my emotions were really on a roll..disappointed so earli in the morning,then felt sleepy,then lecture felt a bit crazy n fooled around, then marketin test gave mi a better vibe..tokin to my jc friend after that was great too..then i was put on a Silent Treatment mode for like half hr until i broke down n cried for almost an hr coz icant take it..i dun understand y ppl can get angry so easily n so long..at me..pls Tell mi wat is wrong,what i have done wrong..pls dun keep mi in the dark blur blur..jus dun give mi silent treatment,or get angry at mi for a long while..it cuts mi upside down and i meant it..anyway,after the tears i went on a crazy mode n started scaring couples making out in the istana park hahaha..well not really scaring,juz walked past them for a few rounds to irritate them from whateva they were doing in the dark dark places..but i peered up into the sky n i saw Stars!!not alot,but there were Stars,right there in town leiii..where can see stars in town one where there is so much light pollution..that made mi so happy...star light,star bright,first star i see tonight,i wish i may,i wish i might, have the wish i wished tonitez...aaar ^v^ **



Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Wednesday, September 08, 2004

12th October 1985