Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Aaargh,damn yu han!

Aargh,yu han!!Y he say me until like dat.Y one training under Sir made him think so high of me,when heck, i didnt even know sir taught in his school(SIM) ar..and who's karen??y she said i high-profile when i hardly knew her..alamak,did sir said anythin abt me?i hardly train for more than a year already..cham,cham cham. she from gymnas tkd somemore n said she knew me..i dunno her(i think)..freaky!President of sim club summore ..oh-oh O.O Ma'aaaaaaaaaaammm,help!!!!!!!Shit,too late to call her up oso..muz calm down,breathe girl!*breaatheess*..didnt help. who's karen?

I don't remember knowing any 'karens' in my life lei unless my memory fails me..i don't remember knowing anyone from gymnasium oso..or maybe i did but i thought it was juz guys that i knew from there..either i knew them from bendemeer,pjc,sp,nyp,paya lebar,sengkang,mayflower pri..um..towner,whampoa,toa payoh,tournaments..umm,anywhere else where i can meet fellow tkd-ians..n possible knew a 'karen'...Ans:No

Lets start from those schools i'm familiar wif then..pjc,no,no karens..sp,er,i onli had trainin once...nyp..hardly make friends there..cant b she schooled in sim n nyp too mah..mayflower pri?nah,onli the toot teacher-eileen. ..bendemeer?nah

Wat abt ccs..heck,its a jumble of memories that i can remember and cannot sort out one by one..can onli remember little kids,and karen is a BIG kid,would b too obvious that i would've remember ar..but i dont..in fact,i dont remember knowing any BIG Female Kids from tkd under sir ar..maybe from pjc,sp n nyp ar..but no ccs..the onli big female kid i knew was a few of the small kids acting Big shots though..esp one pudgy faced girl whu insisted her pattern is right when its wrong, and forced others to think its right..when its obviously wrong..and dont listen to instructions ..

In conclusion, cant remember knowing any karen*alarmed*she'll b so hurt if i do know her n cleanly forgets oso..Aaaaaaarrgh!

Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl.Siti is a worried girl..

Misson:Go down to SIM asap for training(as soon as i have time,dont care fasting or not fasting..)

Siti is a very worried girl.


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, October 29, 2004

Ayy haha!!I'm So bored that i'm downloading aaron carter's songs..so much so he's entitled to sue me coz now i haf like 3/4 of his songs from his first album wahaha!!His songs are nicer when he was younger..innocent some more; i like his 'i'm gonna miss you forever' music video, so sweet!! Y am i bored?coz I can't move boulders in my pokemon game so i'm stuck and i cant play on arrggh!!Little boy told mi to restart but i'm TIS close to beatin the elite four n goin to another part of the game arggh..or should i start on pokemon sapphire hha..but nooo,not willin to give up ..now havin internal debates within myself(abt pokemon,damn pathetic hha!)

Went to sign contract wif TBC this afternoon to work in the expo sale next month..at least that job is confirmed..adecco no news as usual that i'm movin on ar..*sighs*i tink i'm stressin myself over jobs n gettin myself up into knots..esp wif dad buggin mi to work at the new 7-11 downstairs..his reasons: CLose to home,dont waste transport fee,can go home eat supper if hungry no need waste money...its all abt money to him!..well, he did brough up 'safety' and 'convenience'..i don't mind la but heck,they required mi to work 4-5 days for 6-8 hrs each time!!I cant cope for sure lor, esp when school starts...and this kind of jobs will want to bond ppl for 3mths or more lor..*stressed*..Little boy n my friend told mi not to work coz the company'll bug mi durin sch term to cum down n work..n to start standin up for my dad, not let him push mi around but how can..i'm the Only child whom he can push on to depend on..i can't fail him..my relationship wif him was already so bad the past year that i really don't want a sequel..when i think back the days when he refused to take leave to take my report card and had to trouble my brother to do it..when i thought of how i broke down n said he didnt believe in me (regardin my studies in jc) to my mum(who broke down too)..when i thought of how he had to acc mi to take my hep.b shot and the coldness btw us so evident that others could see and feel it too..last yr was a horrible time for mi n him..until i had to beg for 4giveness last hari raya for him to juz take care of the family and not just work,work,work..it was That bad..it spilled over to this year when i screamed at him for throwin away the kitten that i luv for like 3rd time when i had painstakinly searched n brought it home..*frustrated* and now this 7-11 thing..urgh!!But i do know whateva i do will not be enuf in his eyes so y bother..shud juz heck care this job for seriously i can't cope workin 4-5 days per wk lor..esp if i want to get back to the uni.route..

Tis noon, little boy n me walked past a couple of old men in Raffles place lookin for ppl to help them with their bills or directions..they were like feelin lost, coz i tink they didnt noe how to read their bills or letters, and there's no one in the family to help..Sad,modernisation took over singapore and left the old folks on their own,helpless and blind to the new world they now are in..Wat if i could set up a place where these ppl could come to juz for help with translations of their bills n letters..like a congregation old folks kinda centre..charge for free or super low fees of course..nah,it should be a NPO so those wif hardly enuf money to live on can cum for free translations and helps for their stuff..Sometimes i feel angry at how these ppl are left to fend for themselves, sometimes i wonder where their children are(though some are childless of course, or some are stubborn enuf to make a livin on their own and not be seen as charitable cases)..Coz i knew somewhere in the hdb blocks that were set aside for these old folks, there are so many stories left untold of how they are left behind wif the effect of modernisation takin place rite here, rite now. Some collect tin cans for a living, or boxes..or sell newspapers..or tissues..or nothin at all..thats one thing i learnt from workin at Cheers;gettin to know these old folks n how they are coping wif the new world..on their own usually..Sometimes i wonder if only i could help out more..make a difference in some ways..*Dreams*.."When ppl say they dun haf Time to help out or volunteer, they're talking rubbish"-Unknown. Aay, thats y i never say. rubbish me :D FOndly remembering

APek(who collects boxes diligently, even wakin up in the wee hours of the nite to find more boxes)..whu held a rusty, broken but sharp penknife to his lips when his hands are full tearin the boxes apart to flatten them..I used to help him but he'll usually shoo me away to go back to my work..

Nya(nonya) whu sells newspapers at kallang mrt..had a helper(maybe a son)whu helps her to set up n close the stall..wears glasses until her eyes look big in a funny,cute ways. Always coming to Cheers to change 5-cents coints wif us..I remembered edison whu cursed her coz he hated countin the 5cents "-,- She also collects tin cans from the dustbins when free..

Uncle(who sleeps n eats n acc. Nya daily) SOmetimes he comes down to cheers to buy food n drinks n he'll start kacau-ing me but he means no harm. 5-cent change he always refused. Also collects tin cans wif Nya.

Auntie(the MRt cleaner)she haf speech problems but always v.jovial..v.popular to the mrt staff. i spotted her sitting and wheelin around in the office chair in the control station(wif the mrt officers around wif her) of course..Always buy ice-creams when the weather is super hot..can buy 3,4 each time..i think she shares wif the MRT staff..Always smuggle rubbish bags for me when Cheers run out of them..

Apek2(the Mrt cleaner)now he transferred to somewhere else but he's my fave. Always buy hot coffee from Cheers and he'll stand around to chit chat in malay,hokkien to me. We like to disturb each other, esp if he buys drinks or chocolate and i refused to give him back the change coz want him to 'belanja' me hha..as a joke onli..Hafis, my ex-colleague called him my godfather..i called him my god-grandfather :)

Pakcik(another MRt cleaner) always like to buy plain crackers to eat with coffee. Knew him when he asked mi to throw away water that he had bought from a mineral bottle coz he wanna fill in his coffee from home. Not often around but when he's around, juz brighten my day..esp last sunday when he popped in to buy a new type of biscuits since his usual. one ran out of stock. He once bought chocolate eclairs coz his throat was feelin dry...

OK,i tink i rather stay at cheers than look for better paying or quality jobs..didnt realise i had knew so much abt the old folks until i had blogged it down. Felt happier that i did, coz they'll always be part of my memories..My fave colleague is leaving so i'd thought i'll leave too, but tihnkin of the old folks tat i had knew from workin at Cheers juz made mi change my mind..=)

*happi*




Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, October 28, 2004

Exams over liaoz!!but nothing much to celebrate since had only 2 papers to tackle,not like the zillions taken during jc days..INtro to media was horrible, and whats worse was that the lecturer's not gonna mark it leniently lor..hated e-xams coz must toggle here n there,made mi all confused..heck, i even went to google.com to find the official time. com website for one of the questions abt print publishing companies(wif one of the invigilators behind mi some more,heck la)..Media marketing was alot alot better and gave mi alot more confidence than the latter..mr.john ho is certainly a nice guy who not onli buy ice-creams for little kids, but give big kids quite 'easy' papers to do..plus it was a traditional kind of paper where u sit in a room n actually had tangible pieces of paper to hold n flip thru..blah blah..then its all Over;no more exams!!no more school!!tweedle dee dee dum di dooo..

WEnt to SEntosa after school where we found a nice spot by the beach to slack around n juz stare out of the sea. dozed off for abt half hour b4 waking up n gazin at the sea n sky some more..so peaceful,so beautiful..since the spot was pretty hidden from other beach-goers so it was like the island was all ours..sea,sand(er no sand but boulders),sky..aeroplanes n boats around us..so niceeee!it was 6+ in the evening when the little boy started to make paper boats..2 at first,whereby mine floated far away while his sank immediately at the shore without even having a taste of its maiden voyage(aww..:P!!)Then it was time to break fast of nacho chips n gassy drinks which left mi hungry still..then he taught mi how to fold paper boats(i've 4gotten how) and i started making abt 8 of them while he made paper bullets..2 of the boats didnt make it and the other 6 floated away v.v.v.far..i made another one but it sank while tryin to catch up wif the rest..sad to say,wasnt able to use the bullets to shoot coz the boats floated away so far too fast for us to aim..since it was v.dark already so left the spot to eat real food!!at BK(not that real oso)where in the end my stomach upsetted itself again as usual and left mi in not so gd a mood..went to watch the musical fountain and it was the same old nice,boring show feat. Kiki the gay monkey(as said by one of the classmates) and the deformed singing seal..Nice,nicey day..especially with the weather behavin itself by being cloudy and not melting us earthlings down with the depleting ozone layer n increased GHE..

Reached home to find that my bro's family was around, and felt a bit guilty that i still didnt get to give my niece tuition..but that was made up when my mum went to throw the kittens(waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!i saved the bald one though)n we met up with my sis-in-law n my nephew whu were on the way to send us soups n spaghetti at like 12am..so we went up to their house n i managed to teach my niece some stuff while tryin to recap her memories of what we'd learnt so far(which wasn't much). She improved a lot since the last i taught her and even learnt how to do subtractions with the "borrowin" mtd though i wasnt sure how to teach her how to minus stuff like 13-5 using that mtd,so asked her drew out 13 balls instead..Har,i can envisioned her becomin a nite owl like mi, studying n learning waaay past the ungodly hours in the near future..

Tomorrow maybe goin to the zoo,but first muz call up the starhub thing to see if they still want to employ any more ppl..could do wif a few extra bucks durin the weekends while workin at Cheers durin weekdays..busy busy bee but free once again..Yay!!


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, October 22, 2004

Hee,i changed my blogskin.So happy^v^!!Does it look better?I hope so...

Today was a sad sad day,but i shall not elaborate. WEnt to my sis's school wif Mum and had fun disturbing Tahar, one of the special kidz in my sister's class..He actually looked quite good for a boy ar and i know if ever the (abit not right) Indian auntie whu frequents my store(for a Baron's beer) ever steps in da school, she'll curse God/s upside down again for the "unfairness" that he bestowed on these kids, and other misfortunate ppl out there(again..dun ask mi which God she referrin to..)..I actually missed the store after not workin there for a week sia(coz i requested it) and Brenda is not respondin my smses..i really wonder whats goin on in there.They never called mi up to work even though there's shortage of staff..i can foresee that my presence will soon b redundant..even terminated hha~I shall worry when i return though..

STudied a little bit of marketin today,wif the little boy kacau-ing me and refusin to study though his exam is tomorrow..kiddin ar,he was fun company as usual..Finished learnin the 1st 'P' before havin to pack up n go home since the Mac is closing and i had to rush for my last bus home..

Went home to do what..TIS?hha,went home to play ard wif the blog(again)coz wasnt satisfied at the plain(ugly) pink/white/purple dat i had modified,though i luv the origami hearts image..Read up on caryn's blog as lihui had asked me only to stumble upon 3 unknown idiots tokin rot abt ppl they dun noe..alamak,haf a life la;anyhow curse ppl upside down,trippin urself over it for wat..as they said,itz an urban jungle now,where got 'tarzan n jane' anymore..n still got newcome 'calvin'..gee,from where popped up..calvin n hobbes ar..get a life sia.

Oh yar,i wanna tok abt yesterday-how i realised there's so much anger that its not surprising there's wars everywhere..globally,nationally-world wars,civil wars, riots etc..personal wars-wif ur families,ur loved ones,ur friends..even urself(which is the worst of the lot)..Y i came to this conclusion..Coz i was walkin from PS to Suntec, and i came across some ppl..

Mat(malay,'act cool',guy):"KEPALA OTAK DIA LA,INGAT APE *&%#..*^$#&"
(Translated: His Damn head la,think wat...more bad words followed)

Old Chinese Auntie grumbling to a man:"CELAKA PUNYE BUDAK.."
(Translated: Damn that boy/girl..)

Ok,it doesnt sound that bad when i translated it..which is good,but juz visualise their emotions when they said those words..Fiery hatred burns in their hearts..which is bad for health so auntie,muz calm down,do some yoga k..^v^ Still haf alot more like The Baron Lady(the indian auntie whu frequents my store)..

The Baron Lady: "F**K those S'porean idols.they are lousy,they are so selfish and so unconscientious..so shameless to go on tv to perform without those lousy vocals..damn gov'mnt to display such tasteless ppl..Shud focus on those blind,deaf ppl playin music on the streets askin for donations instead.Such beautiful talents, so wasted..God is So unfair..Y HE do this to Good people..i am one of those. i believed i am good,but god treated me so unfairly..F***k the gods..etc etc"(cries) :s

i shall not go on for fear of being sued for blasphemy,but u got my drift..so much anger in such small individuals..who exists everywhere..*scratch head*..Dun they know it takes more muscles to frown than smile..that to follow anger is to follow the devil, and that Nabi Muhammad loves it when u smile or greet those that u loves, rather than ignore or stare in hatred..(Nabi Muhammad is the last angel in the Muslim's beliefs)..that anger raises the blood and cholesterol levels damn high until can die..that anger..is like the prose abt the nails in the fences,that when they are taken out, the holes(scars) still remain..I'm a victim of anger too..sometimes,alot of times..but usually within myself..sometimes its so fiery that others get scalded too,but thats pretty rare..i hope..so when u take out my heart and see,its v.holey..;)

HOpe u all like my new blog outlook.Mi pretty satisfied wif it except for a few stuffs i cant figure out how to change.

Oh ya val,i still havent call ar.no courage*beams*G'nitez!I'm off to study(debatable)..or sleep(cheers!)



Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Wednesday, October 20, 2004

woke up on 15th of october this year in a transfixed, nostalgic mode..suddenly reminisced of days of jc exams which yielded different,extreme responses from each of the frennies..then thought of how their reactions could prompt mi to write an AV script just on them alone; on post-exams reactions..how i remembered it all oh so clearly..

C'belle(in angry,frantic tone):Amelia Kwok(or whoeva around her exam table) Howwww..CMI,sure CMI..CMI(x ten times..)

I'belle(sitting behind me):Si-ti-ti..(shakes head) how..sure fail,sure fail..(worried look)..

Addy:heeheeehee(dats wat i can remember ar;laughing to herself after the papers ended)

Hani:(usually cant find her after the papers coz she disappear either to juice or someone else)

Yirang: (starts singing to herself)

Mingsia:howwww..

Amelia Kwok(also known as Ang Mo Kio to me;amk):better start studyin for other papers already if want to pass..(or somethin to dat effect or else,it'll be)howwww..

Justina teo: hai,how?(for somepapers)okla,not too bad,think can pass. (for other papers)hai,no comment.

Joy: you're asking a person who never study how's the exam?(laughs) Never study how to pass.sure fail one. (walks off happily)-->best response haha

Mostly,there are alot of 'how' and 'cmi'(cannot make it) not to mention 'sure fail' after the papers ended..all the way till the a'levels finished..glad to say all of them make it thru to the unis with their 'hows' and 'cmi' wif dear ming off to australia (miss u alot,girl) Me?My oft-reaction-

Siti: (to whoeva) how ar like this?don't worry, mus study harder for next paper..sure can make it one..

and the one whu didnt make it-me hha..sometimes i'm glad i didnt make it coz i dun tink i'll b able to handle the pressure of uni life anyway..jc life was already stifling mi though i was enjoyin it..jc life..was demandin,educational,pressurising, but can b fun if u look on the brighter side of it..i luv n missed the knowledge that cums wif being in jc, or the close bonds when everyone cums together to chiong for something(tests, exams,gradings,tournaments especially!)..

Then,later that nite on 15th oct, i received a msg from dingdong belle(c'belle):"happy one year graduation anniversary.."

15th of october,2003. the day we graduated from jc life,officially. The brain really haf funny ways to jerk up eventful memories of the days of our lives.*hugs*


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, October 18, 2004

Weekend starts out horrible..woke up wif a swollen pair of red eyes so changed my mind abt going for the volunteer thing..went home to sleep b4 goin off to cut my hair..which also turned out horribly >.< .. Sunday was a better day; Mum dragged me out to find hari raya clothes at geylang whereby i got pissed off after awhile coz she kept puttin words in my mouth(and i hardly said a thing) to the shopkeepers whu looked at mi wif accusin eyes coz i refused to try on stuff or even consider buyin their SO CHEAP stuff..i wasnt a great company to start with when it cums to buying hari raya clothes coz i kept tellin my mum its great wif mi wearing last year's ones but she turned a deaf ear on me as always..and that the shopkeepers kept scrutinisin mi wif accusin eyes didnt help either. At some points, i juz walked away from the shops(and my mum) jus so she could catch up wif mi and get out of those SO CHEAP shops..in the end, bought 2 clothes juz so to keep her happy, one which is terribly hot n stuffy, and another was of v.nice peachy colour bought from a Baba n Nonya shop, which coincidentally offer better services than the rest..it was the Only shop out of so many that made mi happy..n felt better..All in all, it was a nice outin wif mum(so long i nvr go out wif her!!)..didnt get to sit down to break our fast so juz did it by buying some drinks from a set-up stall outside the shoppin centre..in the end,we bought more food than clothes..alot alot of fooood..yum,yum but the carrot cake sold didnt look appealin so didnt buy >.< ..ooh ya,saw val. workin at the shoppin centre and my eyes almost popped out. of all places to work, she was workin at geylang..too stunned to say anythin much but she recommend mi to call up starhub which are lookin for ppl. thx a lot,ger!..Anyway went home after dat, and i lost my appetite to eat after i realised i found a missin piece of paper containin 6topics for tomorrow's exam..die!!and i lost my appetite to continue studying after my sister started crying again..for dad,who,as always,is never around..Work,work,work-dats all he care abt..if got money not bad la,but no money still..all his money juz disappeared into thin air, or behind a smoky screen which he hides from us..*hungry*i want to eat carrot cake,argh!

My brother's family came around after like 2 weeks disappearance so i spent some time tussling around with the kids.worked up quite a sweat handling those two monkeys..wonder wat will happen when the third one grows up..it was pretty funny when i was holdin those 2 in my hands and the youngest one simply and happily crawled thru my legs into my room ar.."-,-
Mus really start tutorin Nina..waited for her Friday and Saturday nite to cum to my house for tuition,but her parents happily forgot coz they were tired, or simply were in the mood to shop. Like mum said, its the parents fault then if she flunk her exams. oklar, sometimes my fault too coz i cant find time to teach her..grr..really scared she'll flunk her exams, considerin she flunked her SA1 mid year maths and she's onli p1 arggh..*worried*

i wanna eat carrot cake,argh!!and i'm stoppin myself from playin pokemon again..suddenly haf the itch to play..i'm hungry. ciaoz~
btw,gdluck for next week's exams,dmsm studs. enuf slackin,time to stardie...



Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, October 18, 2004

My song..ok,its not Mine,as in i wrote it,but its a beautiful song tat encompassed my feelins twds those whu've left mi for wateva reasons(even if i chased them away somehow v.v), and how i feel twds them leavin, n how i feel myself havin to stand on my own,alone wheneva they walk away from mi, or mi from them..its how i feel after 'goodbyes' are said and done and only memories are left behind btw the gap dats growin wif each step tats taken(every moment tat passes by) as we walked away from each other see?..its an old old song by a singer i once idolised when i was small ar not juz coz he was cute lookin,but it is a poetic,hauntinly beautiful song he sang..b4 he faded from the music scene,tat is..a song dat nvr fails to make mi cry. TOo bad iwebmusic.com didnt host it for mi to play on my blog,its dat beautiful n sad.

Kavana-Will u wait for me?

I need to talk with you again,
why did you go away,
All our time together,
just feels like yesterday,
I never thought I'd see,
a single day without you,
You see the things we take for granted
we can sometimes lose.

And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again,
will I see you again.
Time will pass me by,
may be I'll never learn to smile,
But i know I will make it through,
if you wait for me.
And all the tears I cry,no matter how I try.
They will never bring you home to me,
so won't you wait for me in heaven.

Do you remember how it was,
when we never seemed to care.
Days went by so quickly,
cos I thought you'd always be there.
It's hard to let you go,
though I know that I must try.
I feel like I've been cheated,
cos we never said goodbye.

And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again.
And I miss you so,
and I need to know,
Will you wait for me


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, October 15, 2004

oh yar,i forgot to mention tat i walked past tis shop sellin cartoon figurines n i saw a 'happy tree friends' figurine dats rated '18 and above'..made mi think WHY,i thought it was juz some cute cartoon show so i went home and logged on to the site. damn ritez its rated m18 sia,its violently Cute..(fine, i was livin away in the stone age i guessed when i didnt noe wat 'happy tree friends' is all abt till now)..reminded mi of stickdeath.com, once so popular for its violence n..cutesyness?..gross. Anyway,played Avril lavigne's cd all the time i was studyin today, and tis song struck a chord wif mi..the lyrics not tat great or did as much justice the way she sang it,but its a great great song..to me la..

"How Does It Feel"
I'm not afraid of anything
I just need to know that i can breatheI
don't need much of anything
But suddenly, suddenly

I am small and the world is big
All around me is fast moving
Surrounded by so many things
But suddenly, suddenly

[Chorus]How does it feel, to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel, to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel?I'm young, and I am free
But I get tired, and I get weak
I get lost, and I can't sleep
But suddenly, suddenly

[Chorus][Bridge]

Would you comfort me
Would you cry with me;
Ahh, ahh, ahh-ahahh,
ahh-ahahh, ahh-ahahh,
ahh-ahAhh, ahh, ahh-ahahh,
ahh-ahahh, ahh-ahahh, ahh-ah

I am small and the world is bigBut I'm not afraid of anything;

[Chorus x2][Ending (background)]

How does it feel [x2]
Different from me, different...(ahh, ahh, ahh-ah;ahh-ah,ahh-ah,ahh, ahh, ahh-ah;ahh-ah,ahh-ah)
---done--
too many 'ah's to the lyrics till made it seemed like the song's not tat nice "0,o. Mi suddenly tot of how she looked without all those racoon mascara dat she puts on as her image..muz looked pretty ordinary i guessed..*shrugs*


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, October 15, 2004

lalala..mi findin songs dat describes mi so as to put on my blog..c;the blog is a personification of mi yay~..um,tink so lar..any suggestions ppl?i'm torn btw simple plan's 'Perfect', avril lavigne's 'my happy ending' or 'how does it feel' (which is not on iwebmusic.com anyway), ryu shi won 'yak sok' and ryu 'my memory; the latter two none of u will understand unless i post the lyrics here..beautiful songs,but not understooded by the masses;ironic(duh,its in korean)..

Mi watched 'white chicks' today, realised that it wasnt called 'scary white chicks'..the movie's like a parody on the high class, arrogant lifestyles of the rich if u think abt it lor..i mean, all those rich ppl cant differentiate the Fake Wilsons' from the Real ones???and the Fake ones turned out to be much nicer to be around with, as said by one of their 'friends' at the end of the show(the short, brown haired girl) whats the movie tryin to say ar?tat the rich ppl are blind?and not as nice as the ordinary, fake Wilsons?haha, i shall not think too deep, it was a lame, funny show..but i tink Dodgeball was more hilarious to watch as compared to WC..such preferences could also boil down to my personal dislike for those of the higher class,snobbishly rich ppl whu treats those poorer than them like s**t..oops(no,tis is not a personal attack on ALl the rich ppl, esp those tat i knew hor)..

Anyway,i tried to study today but it was too hot!!and uncomfortable, esp wif the fact i was studyin over the coffee table which was damn small(and circular to boot) with so many notes n stuff all over the table..one thing tat i stepped into poly(or even b4,looking at Valentina's poly notes) are that the notes are in powerpoint slides which i Totally Hate!i mean, c'mon la,pwpt slides a.k.a brief, few sentences made up of words and maybe few pictures..it doesnt explain what we're supposed to know much, unless we haf a book to guide, and even so,with the book,i'm havin difficulty matchin the book's contents wif the pwpt slides dat we had weekly..so Frustrating!..yaya,we're supposed to jot down notes..where?outside the boxes of the pwpt slides printed out??lala,sucky vc notes!thx gdness marketin notes cum in binded forms,wif lines besides the slides to write down stuff..argh,i'm irritatable..irritable?how u spell ar..?"-,-

its Puasa time,time to lose weightt!hha,kiddin. no, its time to knuckle down n be more religious and start doin good deeds to urself and others ard u..its time to think abt 'akhirat'(judgment day) and how i better start Repentin to b a better Muslim!esp wif my wayward thinking..Sometimes i think juz by thinkin, i can get punished the next moment(it happened,more than once already liaoz)..god's listenin to my thoughts i know hha..anyway,will start by teachin my niece(again since her exams are near)and yay,able to finally volunteer my service to An organisation(somethin i'd long wanted to do)..Sometimes i wish i'd the courage to juz go any organisation and said 'i want to volunteer'..well, i did once to this org. but when i went to the meetin(late)i got locked out and i saw that most of the ppl were made up of middle-aged,middle to high incomes kinda ppl wif free time n money available to donate to the org so i left(and i was still locked out half an hour after i come coz of some 'monkey' restin his red butts against the door)..anyway,tat goes my attempt at volunteerin my time n service for the nation..:s

Slamat berpuasa to all muslims readin my blog.
stay realz, all~


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, October 15, 2004

yar,ppl're probably going, 'make What real?'..dats wat i tot abt too when i suddenly came out wif that phrase..Make It real..wats it?i guessed It could b anythin u want..love,life..urself..yar,make 'urself' real..n true ba..i guessed dats my new motto for life..wateva u do,make It real,yar?=)

my room's in a mess so i'm pretty ill at heart,n healthwise too ar..dunno lei,too much time to slack,not enuf time to clean up..pure laziness i muz say..juz waitin for the right Vibe to get me to start cleaning(mayb 2morrow morning ar..)i noe when i got in the mood to springclean,i'll clean to the very last stain of dust or dirt thats around, n make sure it stays extinct!..now no mood so the room stayed super messy,n pretty dirty plus dad went to mop the house wif a dirty mop i tink so the whole house, esp my room is Very sticky.gross lo..but i havent touch any books yet to study,cham liaoz.when i tink of 19topics to study for 'intro to media' sianz already,dont even want to touch,rather crack my brains wif jasper's maths qns..so tough,worse than jc ones lo..now i knew why i hated maths to the core..n yar,thats the subject tat sent mi to poly in the first place anyway >.

my bday yesterday..it was a HOT,HOT,HOT day..was cursing myself upside down for stayin outside most of the time..ok,i wasnt really cursin,i was meltin too much even to open my mouth..every step of the way is like v.heavy to make..so HOT!..can i say B. hot?but its my birthday,so muz appreciate the 'warm' day that god gave mi for my birthday today..oooh

spent most of the day wif mum n sis..finally get to spend time wif my family for my bday then it was bowlin/pool time wif some of my friends..fine, i didnt really pool..all my 8balls were on the table when yun cleaned the table off hha,and bowling sux too,dunno y all the balls thrown went to the drain..i wasnt concentratin anymore,was busy taking photos of everyone n everything ^v^

nothin much to say..juz acceptin everythin ard mi as usual..n tink i mite b gettin down wif flu..now havin blocked nose(for few days already)and cough(for few months already)..i am so not well

stay realz~gdnite



Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Wednesday, October 13, 2004

To everyone in my life,here goes

'The Reason'

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears,
thats why i need you to hear i'm not a perfect person,
i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know i've found a reason for me,
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, October 11, 2004

in my earnesty to hold on to every relationship tat i haf,wat i didnt realise was that i'm the one whu is tearin it into shreds..in my perfectionist ways to hold on to everythin dats dear,to tresure every single moment of my life wif those tat i loved as friends,families etc..all the more i am ruining the moments we haf 2gether..wats worse is dat i needed someone to type tat out clearly for mi to see that in the centre of all my destructions in life..the centre is mi all along..All i had ever wanted was to hold on to the simple pleasure of being together(whether i am tokin,listenin,or juz being there)..to relise the moments tats rollin wif us..n disappearin..only to end up Destroyin them to pieces...though it made mi go 'huh?' it also dawned on mi the truth..tat ppl are going away from mi not coz they haf to..rather maybe its coz they want to..get away from mi tat is..i wrote tat i wanted everyone to go away,i wanted myself to go away..heck,i dun haf to write it to know that ppl R in fact walkin away from mi whether i like it or not..i'm juz a small amoeba in the huge sea..a plankton in the oceans of ppl's lives..be it they walked away from mi alive or not..its not the fact that i lose them..its the fact they gained from losin mi..geddit?..i do.so now i guessed if ppl do walk away from mi or i lose them to death or somethin..mayb i shud look on the bright side that they gained from losing someone lke mi in their lives..n b hapi wif it. So*cheer up*ppl whoeva wanna leave,do so at their own free will,as long as ur happi,i'll b happi..john donne said 'no man is an island' i don't mind being an isle if thats wat it takes to make ppl happy


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, October 10, 2004

the saddest ending of a nice celebration..of all the celebrations dat i had...all ruined by mi..mi,the spoilsport for today(n maybe other times too)mi,the one whu dun seemed to open up anymore to my 2best friends(whu probably tot i'd kicked them away),mi,the malay girl wif the chinese class who's ruinin everythin incl.her own life..mi,the girl whu didnt make it to uni..itz juz mi,the one whu ruined it all..n wats worse,i needed someone to tell mi tat to make mi realise. thx,now i noe..now i see the paths tats ruined..all coz of me..happy adv.bday to me...mi whu felt sad tat everythin's breakin down..onli to realise tat the one whu's breakin everthin down..is juz lil' ol' me.


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, October 10, 2004

To my 2 dears in my life(girls i mean..)

its not tat i'm not openin up to u coz i dont want to,its coz i cant seem to these days for some reasons..i felt tis way very long already,before i even knew u noe whu. maybe its coz we hardly meet up anymore thats y i felt tis 'psychological' distance that made mi feel i shud kept stuff to myself more than tok it out wif u 2..but tat doesnt mean i still dun regard u the same way as i always do..abt today,sorry tat i didnt tok much but after 4 hrs(and every hr wakin up for that 4hrs)i muz admit i wasnt in the mood to chat ard n smile ar...

i felt the distance growin way back earlier tis yr i muzz admit,when both of u went on attachments then i got no one to go out wif..thought u 2 were like distancin urself from mi, so i had no choice but to accept wat i tot was true mah..*upset*its not like i dunno the distance thats growin,raihan even commented abt it but i thought its juz coz all of us are busy, thats y.

val,everytime i read ur blog, i felt v.depressed but i dunno how to reach out coz u seemed to b doin fine see, but i know ur not. ur juz like 'hanging in there' wif ur poly friends and i know they made u strong till now,esp when i cant seem to b around like u 2 are thinkin..hopeless friend,mi yar i know la. esp when u blogged tat ur sick(and not juz once or twice tat u've fallen sick) i really duno y, and if u dnno, i am worried abt ur health girl, n not juz mi for the record.ppl ard u are worried too,even melvine hha when i told him u fell sick..

as for u,yun,i do ask val abt u times n again when i meet up wif her which is more often that i meet up wif u. tat doesnt mean i'm distancin myself from u ger..i still see u the same way as i see val, and sees both of u the same way i did in sec. sch till now the pt when u 2 are tinkin i'm not openin up to u 2 anymore..

i'm sori u all tot i'm distancin myself away n not opening up, i didnt mean it ever that way,never even thought tat way...yar,i cant b sad for everytin tats bad,coz i noe wateva is or turning bad stemmed from one thing and one person, thats me.-->responsible for everythin thats turnin bad,i noe...incl. our friendship.

after written for so long,maybe u 2 will tink its juz excuses but wat thing is always clear-u 2 are still my 2dears no matter wat u all tink of me...sorry.


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, October 10, 2004

THIS IS WHAT A GIRL TELL A GUY..
If you see me walking the road with someone else
It's not because I like his company
Its because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.
If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases me
Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat
If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him
Because you're not there to catch me fall If you feel lost, I too am nowhere I too don't know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other's path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound
Don't let me walk with him
It's you I want to walk with
Don't let me talk of him
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for him
It's you I want to fall in love with.

HOW THE GUY REPLY..
When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me
When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat I didn't want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship
When you thought I wasn't there to catch you
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch
If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost I too don't know where the road is going
Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don't let me walk alone I want to walk by your side
Don't let me talk of something else
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for someone else
It's you I want to fall in love with.

WHEN I SAW YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU...
WHEN I TALKED TO YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO HOLD YOU...
WHEN I HOLD YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO LOVE YOU...
NOW THAT I LOVE YOU ...
I'M AFRAID TO LOSE YOU...
YESTERDAY IS HISTORY...
TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY...
AND TODAY IS A GIFT...
THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED A PRESENT...
SOMETIMES LOVE HURTS...
BUT IF IT DOESN'T HURT...
THEN IT ISN'T LOVE...
HOLD ON TO THE PERSON U LOVE...
BEFORE THEY SLIP AWAY...
OR ELSE U CAN NEVER GET THEM BACK...

I WAS BORN WHEN YOU KISSED ME...
AND I DIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME...
BUT I LIVED FOR THE TIMES U LOVED ME...
UNTIL THERE WAS YOU, I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP...
WHILE I HAD YOU,I FELL ASLEEP WITH A GENTLE SMILE ON MY FACE...
BEFORE I LOST YOU,I WORRIED MY SELF TO SLEEP...
NOW THAT I KNOW UR GONE, I SIT UP AT NIGHT, WAITING FOR U TO COME BACK...


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Wednesday, October 06, 2004

tired n cranky so much so i'm not gonna tink and i'm juz gonna blog again(2nd time today consecutively)

feel like askin ppl to Go away and let mi hide under my blanket..go away so i could walk in front of the passin vehicles n get my life done and over wif..go away so i can shut out the world and there is no world but me on my own..or maybe its juz me and i should go away..from all of u..and especially away from myself...

I AM A VERY DEPRESSED GIRL..for now at least..WTH,my cousin ate almost all the bread pizzas i made(and i tot there was a LOT left jus now..left only 2 for mi hmph and i'm feelin HUngry!)..ok,ok that was a mean statement,not tryin to say i dun appreciate him eating but i'm feelin depressed so let me be..see?i'm not takin it out on anybody but myself..i'm my own harshest critic, and worst encourager..



Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, October 03, 2004

Sometimes i think i'm cold and mean..sometimes i think other ppl are worse..or its juz me making them react harsh n cold back to me...but i tink its juz me...cold n mean..*sad*

I'm feelin the blues today coz i wasted the day in and out of the house(literally)while doing my projects..i wanted to spend the day out wif mum but dad had to work,so Mum sulked n refused to go anywhere..i had to bounce up n down on the bed to get her out somewhere..like a walk downstairs which was fun, and we bought a goldfish..but at the end of the day,its dead coz the other fishes in the tank scared it(or mayb attacked) it to death somehow..Geez, the pets in the house are violent creatures ..*sighs*Told mum to get it out of the tank but she said that it was just a matter of time before it settled down to its new environment..well it went elsewhere instead...hmph.

Eventually i finished my part on the marketing plan so that was great,but i got more blues soon after as i realised some ppl are getting more distant to me for dunno wat reasons n i dunno y...WHICH MAKES MI VERY SAD!!for example piggy..yar,he got discharged,his prelims werent encouraging but the way he responded is like different..its like Cold..maybe its juz me,but there's tis feelin like he's not interested to keep up the friendship anymore like we used to...maybe i shud start callin him by his real name if he remains stand-offish as tis..but WHY..*sad*..treated him so much like a brother(i got a pig for a brother hmmph)..yar,i noe my birthday's comin but it seems that tuesday maybe i'll jus spend it going to TKD training(help!i realised the trainings not siong enuf sia,i'm gettin fat!)..or maybe i'll go down SP and train under Sir..umm,too siong..? I c dark clouds for next few weeks forecast..

Plus, the year's comin to an end and i still havent take my A'level cert wahaha..i can foresee that next year's batch certificates will come in and mine will still b there hha..i missed pjc..alot...and the frennies,we never meet up anymore..hardly heard of amelia,rena, shu yi, rachel n huiling also unless i smsed them like a month or two ago...sometimes chat wif the rest on msn but thats that..no face to face contact, no seein happi smiles or moody frowns..i tink i dreamt of havin a lit.lecture wif mr yeo yesterday but cant remember much also...Distance separates us not in the physical aspect, but rather growing larger in the minds...

One of the recent friends i lost (not thru death thx gdness!)was H..like a year ago..frankly,i got tired of hearing her tok abt herself throughout the phone conversations we had last time and i could onli get a word in btw(the 'me,me,me' got too much for ME)...i noe it was mean, but i was happy seein the way she lead her life..like she finally found a place in poly where ppl accepted her and she accepted herself most imptly..i remember i got pissed off when she gloated about having a tkd promotion without takin a grading coz all sir wanted was for her to go for black belt grading eventually..which in the end, she didnt la..anyway,we got back in contact after i entered nyp and we are actually on talkin terms again..but onli if we bump into each other. its funny how last time we're so close and now we're so far apart,leading our own separate lives...i noe its like 'hello,move on already' but i cant let go of memories...n i guess i never will

then there's others whom i can feel the distance growing btw us,but i dunno y..it breaks my heart to realise the reality of this,but i guessed thats part n parcel of growing up..and moving on. Y does it haf to b so hard..y do PPl even accepts it..its Ludicruous(i tink that was the word Hani,my jc friend got hung up on last year..everythin was 'ludicruous' to her "-,-) I mean, the times we haf are v.short and we dunno how long we haf with each other as friends,as families,as boyfriends or girlfriends too, thus to know that there is such a thing as Distance existing and growing between each other is just...(no word to describe) *Despaired*

Yar, i know.its not all abt me,ppl haf their bad days/moods/wateva...but dun take it out on me...


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, October 03, 2004