Sunday, October 03, 2004

Sometimes i think i'm cold and mean..sometimes i think other ppl are worse..or its juz me making them react harsh n cold back to me...but i tink its juz me...cold n mean..*sad*

I'm feelin the blues today coz i wasted the day in and out of the house(literally)while doing my projects..i wanted to spend the day out wif mum but dad had to work,so Mum sulked n refused to go anywhere..i had to bounce up n down on the bed to get her out somewhere..like a walk downstairs which was fun, and we bought a goldfish..but at the end of the day,its dead coz the other fishes in the tank scared it(or mayb attacked) it to death somehow..Geez, the pets in the house are violent creatures ..*sighs*Told mum to get it out of the tank but she said that it was just a matter of time before it settled down to its new environment..well it went elsewhere instead...hmph.

Eventually i finished my part on the marketing plan so that was great,but i got more blues soon after as i realised some ppl are getting more distant to me for dunno wat reasons n i dunno y...WHICH MAKES MI VERY SAD!!for example piggy..yar,he got discharged,his prelims werent encouraging but the way he responded is like different..its like Cold..maybe its juz me,but there's tis feelin like he's not interested to keep up the friendship anymore like we used to...maybe i shud start callin him by his real name if he remains stand-offish as tis..but WHY..*sad*..treated him so much like a brother(i got a pig for a brother hmmph)..yar,i noe my birthday's comin but it seems that tuesday maybe i'll jus spend it going to TKD training(help!i realised the trainings not siong enuf sia,i'm gettin fat!)..or maybe i'll go down SP and train under Sir..umm,too siong..? I c dark clouds for next few weeks forecast..

Plus, the year's comin to an end and i still havent take my A'level cert wahaha..i can foresee that next year's batch certificates will come in and mine will still b there hha..i missed pjc..alot...and the frennies,we never meet up anymore..hardly heard of amelia,rena, shu yi, rachel n huiling also unless i smsed them like a month or two ago...sometimes chat wif the rest on msn but thats that..no face to face contact, no seein happi smiles or moody frowns..i tink i dreamt of havin a lit.lecture wif mr yeo yesterday but cant remember much also...Distance separates us not in the physical aspect, but rather growing larger in the minds...

One of the recent friends i lost (not thru death thx gdness!)was H..like a year ago..frankly,i got tired of hearing her tok abt herself throughout the phone conversations we had last time and i could onli get a word in btw(the 'me,me,me' got too much for ME)...i noe it was mean, but i was happy seein the way she lead her life..like she finally found a place in poly where ppl accepted her and she accepted herself most imptly..i remember i got pissed off when she gloated about having a tkd promotion without takin a grading coz all sir wanted was for her to go for black belt grading eventually..which in the end, she didnt la..anyway,we got back in contact after i entered nyp and we are actually on talkin terms again..but onli if we bump into each other. its funny how last time we're so close and now we're so far apart,leading our own separate lives...i noe its like 'hello,move on already' but i cant let go of memories...n i guess i never will

then there's others whom i can feel the distance growing btw us,but i dunno y..it breaks my heart to realise the reality of this,but i guessed thats part n parcel of growing up..and moving on. Y does it haf to b so hard..y do PPl even accepts it..its Ludicruous(i tink that was the word Hani,my jc friend got hung up on last year..everythin was 'ludicruous' to her "-,-) I mean, the times we haf are v.short and we dunno how long we haf with each other as friends,as families,as boyfriends or girlfriends too, thus to know that there is such a thing as Distance existing and growing between each other is just...(no word to describe) *Despaired*

Yar, i know.its not all abt me,ppl haf their bad days/moods/wateva...but dun take it out on me...


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, October 03, 2004

12th October 1985