Monday, December 13, 2004

As i squatted at the kitchen and stared at my sis hitting herself for the umpteen times, i cant help but wonder,'what is the pt of my existence anyway when as a sis,i cant even save her from her sufferings'..Y bother idolising at heroes,wishfully thinkin that i could be one when rite at home,i could do nothin but stare at my sis hittin herself, or Mum(not on purpose) whu tried to stop her..Its not the first time that my sis's face is like blue black all over due to all the beatings she set upon herself..its not fair to her, or MUm..life is never fair i know,but when it comes to spcial ppl like her, Dont play life's rules with or against ppl likemy sis..its just cruel esp to ordinary ppl whu haf to take care of such special ppl nite n day like my mum..Y make us the spectators of her internal struggle with herself as she fights wateva inner demons dat she has wif her since birth(or so ppl claimed)..Put her out of her misery..put us out of being helpless~Advanced science cant help, traditional medicines only make her confused..n make the rest of us family blur too..n yah,helpless..

Oh ya,and its my dad's bday today which i cleanly forgot..n he called mi up to lecture mi abt borrowin my sim card to other ppl(which i nvr do cos i'm not Tat stupid as he tinks i could b)..n i sort of like fell myself into the defensive mood again..*sighs*I'm The useless member of the family..y the hell am i even existing?..To families born with special kids, they have Clever daughters n sons whu goes to universities n beyond n make them proud cos someday they wanna help their less privileged sibling..not me..i'm still selfishly findin my own way,hopin tat along the way,i noe whats the ans to help my sis..after like 19yrs, i'm still v.much clueless n lost ar..n yah, didnt get to go uni to make my family proud..instead make them disappoint in me n wasted their hopes..i'm such a self-centred bloody toot toot tooT~Y am i still here..urgh..

Its an eyesore to read my blog i noe..yah,i shall juz get lost.nitez~


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, December 13, 2004

12th October 1985