Thursday, January 20, 2005

Juz read someone's blog few mins ago,and i felt v.upset..i mean,its been goin on ever since i knew her n the problem seemed to be getting nowhere i feel..i admit, i have been the very 'unfeeling' friend these days when i am in fact, the most 'feeling' one..i dun haf to read the blog, i dun haf to noe,i can juz walk away n continue to being blase..but i cant for i am not that kind of person....

yesterday,i almost couldnt sleep coz i was worried abt her..n a bit pissed off too la..until my dear forced-sms mi to stop it n juz sleep..i came up wif a quote though..'sometimes in life u haf to be cold-hearted juz to make them learn'.. it sux i noe..

i dun haf to feel upset, i dun haf to feel anything..i'm juz bloggin for the hope that she can somehow connect back to us who's gettin increasingly worried yet helpless..it is her own problem n i know she'll come out strong..but until when since the problem seemed to be goin nowhere..We'll be around..either to pick You up when u've fallen, or be with You when you think you'll be ok..very young,but v.strong..i believe she can make it somehow..

Anyway, i came home to realise my sister had her fits again..n i tink she had it again while i was watchin tv n mum's takin a rest..where's my dad when u needs him..i sincerely wanna believe he's workin Hard for the Family see..but wats the pt of workin hard when u dun seem to be around when we need u most..heck, mum dun even dare to go to the hospital for fear that he'll kick up a fuss coz we'll be usin his medisave...but in truth, i'll give my dad credit for the fact that he dont want my sis to be 'tortured' anymore by the useless doctors...so wat if the Whole hospital knew abt my sis..it doesnt make a difference if they cant do anythin to make her life a better one..I hate it especially when they bring in a grp of medical students to study my sis's condition coz they themselves cannot figure out how to cure her..my sis is not a specimen,get lost~!

Life is never easy, but y does it haf to be hard for my sister whu cant even fend for herself..n makes it harder for mum to take care of her..life's a questions of 'why's that sometimes never get answered, but i need to ask y that it is my Sis who is suffering like aimlessly..sometimes, i felt life is juz bidding her by..she's juz waitin for time to pass n finish..n we're waiting for a miracle to set her free.....

i dreamt a scene where there were 2 sisters playin dressin up 2gether..i dreamt they were my sis n me..all grown up n dressin 2gether..the scene looked a bit angmo-ish though but it was a happy scene..does it mean the opposite..at least, my 'sister' looked beautiful in my dream..

dreams are juz another state of mind that potrays your desires in your subconscious self..or thats the gist of what Freud is saying la..there's no sexual connotation nor is there an unrepressed side to it..all it speaks of is my desire that my sis, can one day be normal..

sometimes i noe its mean n selfish of me to wish for somethin that seems impossible..n it makes it seem that i am not acceptin her for who she is..then again, somtimes how can i accept what she is when she dont even noe who i am..selfish me huh.gdnitez~

i do accept my sis..its juz dat i cant accept myself for being the sis who's always not around..n for being the daughter who's always seemed to be preoccupied wif her own life..

*bites lips*Again, i'm strong enough to overcome whateva shit life throws at me..


Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, January 20, 2005

12th October 1985