Wednesday, February 23, 2005

4 days of not seeing him n he turned up with a black face coz i supposedly msged him during his common tests..who asked him not to switch off his phone?Like i had done it intentionally huhh..only 4 days of lookin fwd to see him,n he turned out like a stranger..after almost a year together,i wonder y..y is he so cold to me?is it juz coz of the smses or is there something else..y he pushed me when i wanted to cry on his shoulder..i cannot fathom..maybe its the beginnin of the end..if its god's will,then its fate i guessed..for him,for me..for us together or apart..Maybe it was never meant to be..just me and my blind delusional eyes leading me to a nowhere path..But we made up soon after ..yet he knew i was sick n i was havin gastric pain..yet he made me walked on my own at that deserted stretch of road..Only when i told him that then he had followed behind very slowly..does he even care wat may happen to me?does he even tink of mi anymore when it seemed his common tests n his ego seemed to be pushing me out of his life..doesnt sound logical or does it..

N my dad..wat the hell..i blogged so many time tat he doesnt seemed to care..you know wat?its true..why?coz this morning when i was in bed,the first thing he came home n asked mi was NOT 'are you ok?how're you doing"...No,the first thing he asked me was...'Have you paid your school fees with the money i've given you?'..You are so Caring dad that it HUrts!when i replied no..he walked away with this 'what is gonna happened to you n ur life..' n muttered away incoherently coz i fell asleep but not without hearin that Beautiful phrase..what kind of Dad are u sia..u dont care abt ur daughter but u cared more whether i had paid the sch fees..why?are u scared i'll use ur money in some other way?if u had care enough, u'll haf put the money in the Giro where the sch can withdraw easily right?if u had care enough,you would have gone down to the school n Pay yourself coz u know i am Sick n not that reliable at the moment!I am the only one daughter n the only child u can depend on..can u give me a break when i am not feelin well like now?hello,i know enuf not to use your money n spend it away lah duh!givemi some credits will you..STop comparing me with your Sister n other ppl who got themselves pregnant n went thru a Shotgun Marriage Coz i AM not THEM n i will never BE ok!Stop comparing me with all the shitty malay idiots out there who sleep and drink n fuck n flirt around coz i am not one of THEM,unless u want me to BE!U noe wat..if u continue thinkin of me like dat,maybe i WIL BE n DONT U REGRET IT coz then,your comparisons now will have some elements of truth right?!I am sick,n you cared more abt where ur money is going to..wat kind of Father are you?!

Its enuf Ur are hurtin mum n takin her money when u shouldnt coz UR the ONE who's workin in this Family so can you please stop using Mom's Money n start showin us Where all YOUR hard earned Money has gone to?u work day n nite which stretches into days that we hardly see you..n u still had no money to give us..worse,u made Mum used her CPF money when she could use it for herself??ANyway,when u got ur CPF money,i dont tink u'll Give it to us even a single cent right?Whateva..i hate bloggin abt you n your role as a father n a provider..coz simply,you havent been one at all!..

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Wednesday, February 23, 2005

12th October 1985