Thursday, March 17, 2005

Here's a medley of songs from 5ive all jumbled up courtesy of me..from 'Invincible' n '5ive' albums..just for you dear*hugs*..n by this,i'm moving over to my new blog; a new chapter of my life without you, not as my dear anyway..Here's the add everyone; Http://www.whenlovingmeansliving.blogspot.com Its not that i'm kickin him and this blog out of my life..its just a feelin that its time for me to Move somewhere new=)..Cya..my,i'm gettin all depressed again ^^..n a goodbye song for my blog *hugs*ur a gd blog,though a bit slow like me!

So many questions
Deep inside my heart
Give me a moment before you go
There’s something you ought to know
----------------------------------------
I could have been yours for eternity
I didn’t see it til it was all up in my face, no no
Do you recall the times that we shared
Moments alone and promises but now the days are gone
Now you’re on your own tonight
----------------------------------------
Ya hit me with the truth hit me with the raw fact
Put me on my back what you gotta say to that
(that religion will nvr be a part of you
and for that you'll never be a part of me
there will be no us, no future)
----------------------------------------
that’s what you told me baby
That’s what you told me baby
That’s what you told me baby
You drive me crazy
----------------------------------------
(Being with you)I could feel free
You were all that I was searching for
That’s just when I
I thought I could lean on you for life
I thought that the sun would always shine
But you took all my dreams away
----------------------------------------
(But) when I search my soul I find
A better place
To be around
(even if its without you,monkey)
----------------------------------------
Remember in the times when we used to have it all
But then came the fall feeling like we hit a brick wall
----------------------------------------
All the things I said,
I should have said and didn't say,
And I wonder why.
Yes, I wonder why.
I think about the time we spent,
The places that we went,
Still makes me cry.
----------------------------------------
i love you more than enough
For all the things that you do
----------------------------------------
It’s the things you do
there is no one to comfort me
Here in my cold reality
I’m searching for words
What can I say to make you see
----------------------------------------
Waiting and never give up my faith in you
Trying to make it clear
Without your love I’d be half a (girl)
Maybe one day you’ll understand
----------------------------------------
Feels like I have should be screaming,
Trying get through to (you & me)
sometimes it feels that life has no meaning,
But all things will be alright in the end
----------------------------------------
Why do they say that time will heal
This broken heart?
They would know it isn't true
If they lost someone like you
----------------------------------------
When the rainy days are dying,
Gotta keep on, keep on trying
All the bees and birds are flying
Ahhhh...
Never let go gotta hold on and
Non stop 'til the break of dawn and
Keep on moving, don't stop rocking(loving & living)
----------------------------------------
Get on up When you're down, baby,
Take a good look around.
I know it's not much, But it's okay.
We'll Keep on movin' on anyway

I love you monkey
Coz ur the onli love of mine that i had really believed it will last
too bad,it aint=) gullible me^^
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
S Club 7 - Say Goodbye Lyrics

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you
heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and
me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you
heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and
me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll missing your lovin' every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry

Because a true love never dies

bye!!

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, March 17, 2005

12th October 1985

Dear,tis is for you..will miss being in ur life..it hurts most when my mum keep askin abt u..

WHEN I REMEMBER WHEN (5ive)

All the things I said, I should have said and didn't say
And I wonder why, Yes I wonder why
I think about the time we spent, the places that we went
Still makes me cry, Yes it makes me cry

Why do they say that time will heal this broken
They would know it isn't true
If they lost someone like you, Oh

CHORUS:

Some things can never be replaced
Some things are with me for always
These are the things I will remember(When I remember when)
I'd rather love and lose it all
Then never have you to recall
These are the things I will remember, (again and again)
Again and again
(When I remember when)

You taught me how to love
I am all I am because of you, Just because of you
Everytime I lost my way
You shined the light and made my day
You see me through, Yes you see me through.

So who's gonna come around to heal this broken heart
Show me how to laugh and cry
But never how to say goodbye

CHORUS

This life goes on and carry on you do and its OK
This love goes on and I will live to love another day
This life goes on and carry on you do and its OK
I would laugh and I would cry
But I will never say goodbye

CHORUS

When I remember when

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, March 17, 2005

12th October 1985

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Yay,mama just got home from grocery shoppin n she bought mi Junk Food!!!!!!yay hahaha..how am i gonna finish it now that exams are almost over o.O but woohoo..lemme see,got chipsmore hazelnut cookies,Post oreo breakfast, and mini cadbury chocolates..all in two's somemore..i'm drooling already ..yummy,time to get fat woohoo..i shud really get back to studyin,but studyin for SSL is So Mundane,so Technical n basically,i'm sianz liaoz..i tink i took the Least amt of time to study for her module(less than a day)n i still only haflway thru..i dont tink i'll even remember most of it when i sit for the paper..its too technical n dry already..bleahh..gimmi back my finance notes hahaha..bleah..

btw,i'm moving house..i mean blog..its time for me to move,this blog is gettin too depressin sometimes..right?anyway,the blog is still under renovations but i'll post the link here after everything's all okay liaoz..^^..time to renovate,cya..

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 15, 2005

12th October 1985

Monday, March 14, 2005

N the drama continues...now i have to write an apology letter to the director before he gets the chance to breathe down my neck n slay me alive on wednesday. Save me somebody!!

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, March 14, 2005

12th October 1985

the more i tink abt it,the more i tink i had just cut away like 10minutes of Ms. Cheong's lifespan this afternoon haha..Thanks for everythin,Ms.Cheong ^^ Sorri for all the trouble yah..ok so this is obvious:i am That scatterbrained,n more..This is not the first time i forgot to bring my landyard,but its the first that i never bring for an exam..like ms.cheong said,'siti,this is a very serious matter...'-.-

Anyway,had lunch wif lihui,caryn n meemum..n i tink its the first time i ate 3 meals at one go la..-.- i feel fat but i'm not hopefully..wish can hang out more but i chose to watch Robots instead..n Roshi chose not to come ar..:( n bifeng left long ago so it was just us 3..hehe,we troubled the waiter alot also,so sorri..i wonder if he got increase the service charge ^^..n we ate Topless 5 thanks to MeemUM yum yum..hey,that rhymed wahaha...

Anyway,what do you get when you mix jazz and punk?Its JUNK,get it?lol!..a mixture of jazz and punk and you'll get Junk hahaha..ok,its lame :p but Robots was quite nice ar..worth 6.50 and worth watchin on my own,though the guy sittin next to mi wif his gf probably thinks i'm retarded laughin alone o.O..oh yea,and the little girl on my left kept pokin her head fwd to see what those two were doin la -.-!n she was VERY obvious which was pretty disturbin,made mi want to turn my head to the right and look also -.-..Little girl,dont follow ok and brake your imagination for awhile,and just watch the bloody show..do not b distracted by off screen entertainment..

which was nice..very monster incs..just replace monsters with metal and you get Robot City,but no Boo,but there's always Fender,the GUy robot who turned GIRl at the end because he lost his bottom and fixed a scrap metal Girl's bottom on himself -.-!..n his sister,Piper..'Hi,i'm Piper..rhymes with Viper hsss'..very AManda bynes..

but very cute very cute the show..if i can laugh while watchin alone,that means its funny right..or mabe i'm juz crazy..i swear i'm turnin into a movie addict la..i haf to watch a movie at least once a week,or i'll be super deprived..unless u buy mi VCDS..

lala,n i'm bloggin without my specs coz i Do Not want to step out of my room B'coz my niece n nephew haf made their grand cum noisy arrival..n they already started squabbling..i shall ignore then n grasped on to my peace in This room of mine..evil me huh..

okla,wendy's paper was Easy..i lurve the teacher arrrgh..she made mi love finance hha..umm..yea i tink so..its my fave subject tis sem..hahaa..err..i'm kiddin myself la..i tink ^^

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, March 14, 2005

12th October 1985

Sunday, March 13, 2005

i guessed i've been callin my jc friend norisha up too much over the past week sort of tat i'm feelin a little guilty i may b hinderin her times to study..sorri if i am girl ...n thanks for helpin wif finance earlier.though it was super chim,it pretty much lit my brain up a little..

anyway,missed parent's day today coz i thought i could like continue sleepin n my dad will go on his own..turn out he didnt want to go on his own so when i woke up ard 1plus,he was slackin at the livin room..-.-..plus i didnt noe head from tail wat parent's day is abt n wat time it starts or end la so i was askin him if he was still interested to go n he said he gotta meet his friend to go to a malay weddin reception..which was fine wif mi la coz then i can continue studyin my finance...sorry dad,i really tot u had left to go alone..felt v.bad,like i know,i'm a horrible daughter la..sorry i ended up sleepin at abt 4am n couldnt wake up in time to go wif u ..i guessed u were lookin forward some sort..ooh,i felt so bad..*sad*..now i feel like crying..:(

anyway,he left the hse n i left too soon after to study wif norisha..which turned out not bad la though i kept pesterin her wif qns..sorri agian girl..n we went to delifrance n i saw my friend Iskandar who IS still workin there..wow..didnt really noe him well on a personal basis but can tell he's a great guy ar..n i didnt noe u can work the Entire shift just cleaning!which he was doing la,amazing man..n he's damn hardworkin oso la..just cleanin wow..delifrance sure got alot of stuff to clean..i'm impressed..n my neighbour is also workin there wif him..interestin....n norisha,my sec sch guy frenz u saw in woodlands dat day is not CUTE ok hha..he's not evne close,he's irritatin n just like sufian,nice to crush the ego one ^^..but ur friend Bryan is hot ok..sadly,i onli haf one frenz whose status could match bryan..is tat how's he's spelled?maybe u shud change target from the Rock to him?its much better in every sense of the word hahaha..

anyway, bumped into my bro's family after sendin norisha off n my eldest niece nina was pretty much being a spoilt brat for some reason la..kept mouthin off that her parents dont keep their promises to buy her a watch..Firstly,parents shud Try to keep their promises(thats like the oldest rule in the parentin book)..secondly,if cannot promise,then just shut up n dont give hope to the poor child..thirdly,she was being a spoilt brat..so i dragged her a little farther from the parents to haf A TALK..

nina;Mummy didnt keep her promise to buy mi a watch..she bluffed..she lied..she's a liar(or somethin like dat)..Daddy also..(n she kept whining..)

me:what happened to all your other watches?

nina:all of them spoilt already,no batteries

me:then ask ur parents buy batteries la

nina:no,cannot.its all spoilt by water already.i want new one

me:who ask u to spoil them in the first place(i was gettin exasperated)

nina:mummy/daddy didnt keep their promises..they lied..they are liars..(irritatin right)..

me:you think ur parents print money isit?if they didnt buy u a watch,that means they didnt have enuf money to buy you a watch right?If they haf money,they'll buy for sure what..

nina:(sulks for awhile, then her mood changes like the child she is)They bought mi a purple Violet bag(violet as in the character from the Incredibles)..

me:(gives up..n tinks,she is Becomin a spoilt brat man...)

Anyway,maybe she continue her whinin later when she reached home n will probably get more scoldings from her parents la god knows ar..anyway,yah..people do u get it?if u are going to be parents one day,or already are,PLEASE KEEP UR PROMISES no matter how Dumb or FOrgetful u think the child can be at his or her age ok..coz they may not remember numbers or formulas,but Promises are the basic stuff they'll remember..coz it means they WIll receive Somethin in Return see?which means HOPe,n hope is one thing that everyone holds on to,no matter how desperately out of luck they could b..

which means,i am still very much a child ..yay!~its 3am ..again~nitez

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Sunday, March 13, 2005

12th October 1985

Saturday, March 12, 2005

was just lookin thru friendster photos of my friends..like those whom i'm not that close wif or whom i had grown distant from..glad they all looked so happy still ^^..b4 dat i found the link to nyp aikido n i shamelessly added it and those i knew to my list of friends hee..just delete or reject if u hate my face ok..

then i looked thru soem of the nyp aikido members whom i know not that well coz i dun usually ocme for tanglin trainings nor do i bother to be as friendly as dawn..hee..i'm not good at politickin la,but if u talk to me,i'll talk to u n u better respond when i TALK to you ok..kiddin..but dont u find it irritatin if u ask someone a question n they give u one word answer..i had a partner like dat once in my class ..then i looked at wardah's one coz she's alwys so photogenic la..then remembered that time durin filmin we saw a print ad. with someone whose face super similar to wardah lah,but a much older version..but still chio..then looked at amelia's,my pjc classmate..haha,she looked so happi wif her new belle ar..

hm,now lookin at this sec.sch guy who's supposedly hot wif my friend n the juniors la..ok la,he's gd lookin but so?not much besides dat la ar..i dun really tok much wif him durin sec.sch oso so wondered y he had added mi..so sad,my sec 4 malay class was patheticaly small la n the malay teacer had to go gaga n be biased on us coz she obviously favoured him..*rolls eyes*..hmz,in the friendster pix he hs a red lanyard n he's from nyp..dun tell mi he's from sbm n i still havent seen him all tis while..strange..maybe dun recognise him anymore who noes..like i said,hardly communicate wif him in sec.sch..

so fun,friendster can b so fun n memorable,esp wif the pics..i shall try to clear the dust from mine soon..n jasper's brother said somethin abt a lee kuan yew n goh chok tong acct. being set up soon la..shud go check..no,shud go sleep,its 3am..gdnitez!~

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Saturday, March 12, 2005

12th October 1985

Chocolate makes u feel good,so damn gooood..:D

didnt realise how deprived i am of chocolate until today when i ate 3 chocolate cravings wif norisha n parhana(I'm so glad to see u par,its been like more than a year!!!)..*sways*..n she said that i'm always high..;s am i?..i'm not on drugs u noe ^^..though that time eatin muscle relaxants pills did made mi go a little over the cliff..

anyway,watched this malay movie like at 10pm after our mass icecream cum dinner at causeway pt..its like the first malay movie i tink i watched la!..it was actually supposed to be a scary,freaky show but i tink i laughed my ass more than some movies la..the 'hantu'(ghost) damn drama la..wats wif the shaky hands,u got fits or something lol..its hilarious la n norisha couldnt figure out why i was laughin so hard while she hid behind her bag..but she figured it eventually..n i tink the ghost also got some subconscious repressed self..she kept touching and stroking the 'humps' of the supposedly decomposed body of her master la hhaha..n parhana n mi couldnt stop laughin also till we were called 'sickos' by dear norisha haha..then parhana got scared by one little girl who was pretty restless throughout the movie n crawled besides parhana n scared the hell off her la..which was hilarious also..it was like offscreen entertainment ^^

anyway,the movie got like super obvious product placement la..especially for adidas,one of the sponsors..whom i tink will be super pleased la..i mean,one of the characters were dressed in adidas from head to toe literally la..but then they mentioned 'panasonic' n they almost showed nokia handphones,both of whom were not sponsors..camera n lightin n sound were fine,n it was obvious they used blue gel for the nite filmin..but i dont want tok abt that la ar,the 'ghost' was more entertainin..she actually can Rationalise out loud and she could actually DRIVE n cook for the 'lost son' of her dead mistress..damn power la haha..n her hair looked rebonded n neatly combed oso :P wat the hell..then again,it turned out she's not really a ghost but more of a servant whose screws popped after the death of her mistress..n she can Plan how to get the 'lost son' back after 22 years..v.intelligent mad woman..;)

so i trudged off home alone n managed to catch the last train which unfortunately stopped at ang mo kio..n it was tis one time i really wished i can like go to school or something n eventually i dropped at yck at like past midnite..wanted to wait to try my luck if got 853 anot,but wth,the taxis proved to be too great a temptation..

yea so i am here writin n tryin to tok to my guy friends n syaz kept accsuin mi of being emotional..i am not ok:P,i'm juz high n that is not emotonal..garrr,i'm feelin a bit crazy here..n i'm supposed to haf exhausted all my emotions after that entry jasper left mi..pika!..i actually felt like screamin 'pikka' after the paper earlier..but wat the hell...

hmz,seemed like i'm high today..must haf got up on the wrong side of the bed ^^..but arent u supposed to feel angry,not high?:D..pika!

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Saturday, March 12, 2005

12th October 1985

Thursday, March 10, 2005

aiyo,i seriously need a life.now i'm on the verge of pokin my head back n readin all my dusty john donne poems..i shud start studyin finance though,thats a tough one..but i'm so bored after studyin vc's one..what shall i do,what shall i do..la la la..here goes another fave.poem of mine..

Elizabeth barrett browning
(Sonnets from the portuegese XIV)

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
"I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"--
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity
----------------------------------
need any translation?!no need right,so obvious.no,i am not lookin for love.i've just fallen out of love.so i need that faith that love exists,maybe not for mi but for others..hehehe,in my 4e2 class,love is definitely blooming.cupid is doin too gd a job,he better retire b4 the rest of us gets nauseous n dont turn up for anymore gatherings!kiddin,love on people..love works.but not for me.n i preferred it that way*grinz*coz dat means i dun haf to throw my love to one,but to all.muacks!~Er,dat didnt come out right..spread the love ard ppl ;)

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, March 10, 2005

12th October 1985

LOVERS' INFINITENESS.
by John Donne


IF yet I have not all thy love,
Dear, I shall never have it all ;
I cannot breathe one other sigh, to move,
Nor can intreat one other tear to fall ;
And all my treasure, which should purchase thee,
Sighs, tears, and oaths, and letters I have spent ;
Yet no more can be due to me,
Than at the bargain made was meant.
If then thy gift of love were partial,
That some to me, some should to others fall,
Dear, I shall never have thee all.

Or if then thou gavest me all,
All was but all, which thou hadst then ;
But if in thy heart since there be or shall
New love created be by other men,
Which have their stocks entire, and can in tears,
In sighs, in oaths, and letters, outbid me,
This new love may beget new fears,
For this love was not vow'd by thee.
And yet it was, thy gift being general ;
The ground, thy heart, is mine ; what ever shall
Grow there, dear, I should have it all.

Yet I would not have all yet.
He that hath all can have no more ;
And since my love doth every day admit
New growth, thou shouldst have new rewards in store ;
Thou canst not every day give me thy heart,
If thou canst give it, then thou never gavest it ;
Love's riddles are, that though thy heart depart,
It stays at home, and thou with losing savest it ;
But we will have a way more liberal,
Than changing hearts, to join them ; so we shall
Be one, and one another's all
--------------------------------------
so sweet.tis is like my fave's john donne's love poem..in this poem,he talks as in the impossibility of him giving all his love to his lover,because if he has given all his love,then the next day he got no more love to give his lover. N he talks of how he dont want all the love of his lover,because after that he shall receive no more already.

in the 2nd para, he talks of how new guys may come along n may beat him in winnin her love,but since her heart belongs to him,then he should have all her love and more because love grows from the heart.so whateva *new love that other guys received from her are just mere gifts.

then lastly he talks of how he dont want all her love because if he has all her love,he cannot haf anymore of her love which is so sad la. n he talks of how she should not *give him her heart everyday coz it basically means she never give her heart in the first place ar. so he *lost everyday coz he didnt get to haf her heart *everyday but then,with losing comes saving ar. thus is the line 'with losing savest it' ..then he concluded that if they can be together as one,and be 'one another's all' it'll be so much better because her heart will grow in him and vice-versa...so they'll grow together in love n literally..so sweet..

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, March 10, 2005

12th October 1985

garrr,i'm havin earbug*(earwig?wats that term called when a song kept playin in ur head?4got liaoz)..n worse,its that indo.band sheila on 7's song playin in my head la..their recent song which goes 'aku pulang....'(i returned)in that scary,freaky background music..gave mi goosebumps.i hated that song.but the radio lurved it,kept playin it over n over..garrrr

anyway,peeps or anyone writin,i am doin ok..handlin my emotions ok n keepin them well under cover esp wif the exams loomin up in front of me..i should be ok..i woke up n i felt ok..anyway,i cleared stuff from my room within 2 hrs..n that included throwing away my rotting sofa and a disgusting looking cupboard...then i was left wailing coz i dunno where to put all my jc notes n files..eventually stacked them up on a little table,heck la..i gotta study for 2morrow's paper ar :P..just stacked them like uno stacko..anytime can collapse one..put my lit.notes on top coz i lurved them most hhehe..

anyway,lilo&stitch startin like right now.laterz ppl..

n i missed aikido trainings..n taekwondo..its been hell long since i went for taekwondo la..i sacrificed it to concentra on aikido's gradin n havent been back since hehehe..

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, March 10, 2005

12th October 1985

i'm stunned

n i'm numb to say anything

i cant believe it

can somebody smack my head?

i'm speechless

i'm stunned

n it hurts ..

he just blogged mi his 'reasons as to why (he) dont want a religion'..SElfish?Yes.enlightening?yes.the truth hurts?super.

no wonder everyone tellin mi not to pin hopes on a future together. coz simply,there aint one. n i'm dumb enough to continue believing. not only am i an underachievin idiot,i'm an idealistic one too. plus naive n gullible, n simply S T U P I D
yea,dats wat i am *grinz*..

n the wave washed over mi..

n the remnants of her broken heart fluttered away with the passing breeze

swish,woosh,swish..

i tell u.i am just starin at the screen. like the idiot tat i am.

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, March 10, 2005

12th October 1985

miss soo reminded mi of a cat..yah,tat tot struck mi on the way home..yah,a cat of all animals..like a cat thats ready to pounce at us anytime soon..well today la..tats the feelin i 'got' from her..like somehow she's angry tat we didnt do well for her test,so her hints for the exam were like full of sarcasm la..like a cat,she was 'hisssing' at us b4 she can like pounce..like she wanna smack our heads wif her claws,but has to refrain from it in case it gets her expelled that kind..

anyway,i tink i'm developing asthma again or something wif my incessant coughings..its gettin worse la,n earlier on,my throat got ticklish n i dunno y so i was coughin like mad on the way home n tryin to stop myself from puking my dinner out..i tot i would actually puke b4 i reach my hse..then maybe its like ppl can see tis girl maybe got like drunk too early n so pukin her brains out on her way home hha..no,that is not a gd impression.i am not drunk...bleah x.X so reached home n puke my guts out n my mum was like hollerin herself hoarse lecturin mi from the living room..:D..bleaargh

anyway,today went down for the Lime meeting with caryn n the rest of the 'writers' n ms ang n ms???(from student affairs) to meet the editor down at the nearby tech.park near sch..it went ok but she wants ideas n the Student Affairs preferred us to email them First b4 we emailed Lime..ok fine..n miss ang was v.farnie la..she kept PUSHIN literally the articles to stella to read even though she said she'll read it Later in her office..miss ang is really the SA n publicity woman of the sch man..

then again,i dun feel really Safe wif the capital 's' without azhar n ms. teng teng around for guidance la..or even mr.yap my sec sch english teacher..

i d.o.n.t f.e.e.l s.a.f.e
n they want us write abt campus activities n events..which may or may not be that fun la..it sounded v. newsletter-ish which i had stayed away from since like sec sch...besides teh fact that i wrote n published the first editon of the library newsletter on my own, wif some help from huiwen n the library teacher..but after that i ran away hahaha!no wild horses can drag mi back or make me write school newsletters la:P!!

but like norisha,my jc frenz said,its juz 'lime' u noe..juz go for it la..i.don't.feel.safe. ..like tis is a bit way over my head even though i hardly done anythin cept write one pathetic piece of article WHICH ms.ang edited so much until i cant even recognise my own piece of work la..n she can still mixed them up wif leroy's one..-.-!n there i went like 'no,i didnt write this i swear.Tis is not my kind of writin la..i dun use words like bumper crop'..er,tat sounded more like some harvest ongoin at a farm..n she replied she edited it ..but she still got our articles mixed up..nvm la ar..

anyway,that was that la. it was nice steppin into mediacorp publishin n all n i dun mind doin freelance work there..But for now,i'm tinkin twice abt sittin at the desk and write all my life ar..even though i love to write..can i xplore other options first?:D isnt that wat poly life is all abt..n yea,i still dun feel safe without the teachers' guidance ard..maybe i shud stick back to doin projects n write for azhar's works n stay put ok..instead of goin over my head n try reaching for the moon..is tis overconfidence?or lack of it?monkey said its lack of it..norisha said i should juz continue writin la..like she said,its just 'lime'..squish squish..

n i went norisha's hse for the first time today la..her younger sibs are so adorable n so 'guai'!compared to my niece n nephew la..her sibs like actually sat down n read books n studied..n i was like 'whoaa..'maybe i shud employ norisha to be my behavioural specialist for my niece n nephew..Thanks for lettin mi come ur house girl,sorri i came n stayed so late..troubled ur family onli >.
so dat was dat..plus more coughings..bleargh..

n i missed monkey..as a frenz n as my dear..*sighs*

maybe norisha is rite,we shud juz be together n like haf fun n not tink of the seriousness of it all..but it is a relationship after all..n wats a relationship wif no future right..*ponders*..right?like if we do decide tat we want to get married,then how..i mean,we already noe that its wif each other we want to be wif thru thick n thin from the v.start..so doesnt that means we wan to haf a future 2gether?..can we just like haf fun while it lasts n not haf a future 2gether..can it work dat way?..but i tink that'll only hurt us more right?..how ar..*sighs*..buh byezzz

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Thursday, March 10, 2005

12th October 1985

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

by the way,the DVDS for 'the successful story of a bright girl' and 'my love patzzi' are OUT!..n its DVDS damn!..i shall try to get a dvd player somehow somewhere..lemme calculate the costs..hmz,i must really go down to JB n buy on my own,coz nobody will buy for me la..i mean,the cost of rm100 for those vcds scared my dad from buying it la dotz..n my brother too..i need investors~!or just a JB tourist will do la..33mins more,i shall hit my notes..but those dvds are Tempting..shall i go buy them first n then look for a dvd player to watch?or shall i wait until i go JB then buy myself..i'm pathetic!off i go=)

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 08, 2005

12th October 1985

i'm rotting fast..no,i'm decomposing as the humid weather of Singapore overcomes me...n the bloody polluted smell that wa..wats that word..wafers in?..er,the bloody chemical polluted smell diffused up to my bedroom window from the constructions ongoin down below..its chokin mi,n slowy i shall die...

cause of death: poisoned of boredom/pollution in attempts to make singapore a better living place ..at the expense of its citizens

already,my brain is rottin la ar,no matter how much i tried to study..then again,i'm not exactly a study machine at tis time of the day when the sun is up..i'm a nocturnal not diurnal creature..but somehow,when night falls,i conk out also :D..tis is not good..tis is bad

i need to get out..like mr.yeo my lit teacher had said..stay at home n u'll be visitn the fridge more often than your books..dont u get it?the fridge stays the same,its not gonna proliferate with more junk food for you!get out of the house..umm,i dont wanna leave the safe and beautiful haven that i've found which is my bed...no wonder i conked out earlier at 2pm,its such a wonderful place to be..

haiz,i'm so bored..single life can be a bore if u dont haf a constant friend who's willin to entertain n watch movies wif u hha..but then again,no gd movies until tis thursday..not sayin that i dun haf friends,but i tink they're all Submerged in their worlds of projects n exams(y do i haf to end sch the earliest)..hmm,that means i shud drag my poly classmates out..anyone on?jiali,are we still up for the JB trip?anyone else up for it?already,i'm dreamin of it..can we go the day after our last paper?please...i shud get a job..but which co.in their right minds will accept me for a month's work..is tis wat u called Poly holidays?i've been cheated waaaaaaaaaaaaaah..

sob sob..n i'm freakin bored..i shud make my way down to the library n get books..but the weather's too freakin hot n killin mi la..hmz,anyway i dont feel like moving anywhere 100m away from my bed..lemme see..lilo&stitch startin soon at 7pm..there's like 40mins to go..i can study for 40mins more then watch the show..aaaaaargh,i'm goin mad..i'm decomposing together wif my brains literally!40mins..er,i can blog for another 40mins also..i can like break down minute by minute wats goin thru my mind for the next 40 mins..err,its 38mins..sob sob..somebody save me,i'm decomposing together wif my brains..then again,i can sleep some more,but i'll probably miss the show..i'm a slave to tv,and wats worse,its not being a gd Master to me,there's No gd shows arggh!!

37mins more..i shall go study..SSL's module is the chim-est of them all..hur hur,i am being forced to study coz there's Nothin else for me to do bleaah..36mins mroe..i can go volunteer..i can do alot of stuff..but i'm rotting,i'm not of much use..i shall try to hit the notes again...bleah

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 08, 2005

12th October 1985

Hehehe,me felt so sianz after Tryin to study vc's paper with a capital T la..ended up watching '3 against the world' an old Andy lau movie on Star chinese movies on tv...the plot was pretty interestin so i parked myself down to watch..n he was pretty cute when young la..eh,the word shud be 'dashing' not 'cute'..ah well..anyway,took illegal pics of senior class in training while dawn,andy n mi parked ourselves down outside..actually,we shud've juz taken pics directly la ar,no need be so secretive abt it..but then dawn said sumthin abt it being illegal..anyway,i shall blog abt the trainin another day..here's the Illegal pics hha..


illegal dojo pix!~=) 


illegal pix of sensei~=) 



dawn looked so sweet!~ 

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 08, 2005

12th October 1985

The song is bloody cute ar~!Let me see if i can get my hands on it somewhere..meanwhile here's the translated lyrics right out of the movie..;)

Waterboys
Artist: Puffy
Title: Ai no Shirushi (Sign of Love)
Words: Kusano Masamune
Music: Kusano Masamune

That feel good sting
Of young hearts on fire
You sparkle for no reason
And you know you’re in love

Some day soon
And only to you
I have to confess
Everything I feel

To get a little stronger
I’m rowing away
In my broken boat
I’ll have you instead.
a soft heart gets numb, a pleasant needle's stimulation

Even in my dreams I understand
the mystery of a night spent tossing and turning

Even if it's just a memory
and the wind whispering

My treasure I cherish beyond tears
in a land where anything is possible, there's just one.

That feel good sting
Of young hearts on fire
You sparkle for no reason
And you know you’re in love

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 08, 2005

12th October 1985

Monday, March 07, 2005

maybe if everybody can be in the arms of love,then the world can be a better more peaceful place to live in...if everybody can safely know that when night comes,there's somebody to tuck them into bed or somebody to give them a gdnite huge,maybe the world will not be so much into chaos as it is today..maybe,if everybody knows that they can come home to a safe home and into the arms of their loved ones to hold them tight while they drift off to sleep, maybe there will be no wars in the first place...but then again,reality is harsh on us all,even for those born wif a silver spoon..so we continue searching for that 'warmth' we've lost or we cant seemed to appreciate ..n so the world continue to be in such perils n chaos..broken homes,marital affairs etc..jus so we can find that 'arms of love' that we all are searching for somehow..

when i read the recent article abt the homelessness of american teens in hollywood,it seemed a world apart from us teenagers in singapore who are safe n sound..readin that article saddened mi,coz in their world,there is no safety,there's not much love goin ard..i know i can say this all easily coz i am not in their shoes,but to imagine that teens who are probably ard my age or younger on the other side of the world are succumbing to the harshness of reality all too soon,is juz unbelievably unbelievable..maybe its due to the safe cocoon that we singaporeans teens haf all been brought up in ar..america is like one of the world biggest superpowers(or is it they are?)but if they cant even protect their younger demographics from living off the streets to find an independent livelihood of their own,the nation is not saying or doin anythin much at all,right?i dunno,i cant say for sure coz i am not an american..but i shall try to keep an open mind abt it ..after all,if one has to face the world's baddies so early in their lives,that one person will grow up n hopefully make sure that their kids dont end up the same fate as them right?then hopefully,that'll be a better thing to look forward for..to taste all the world's chillies n make sure that the future generation dont taste them too much or at all..

anyway,i met jady's new gf yesterday..n one word juz popped out of my mind la..the word is 'articulate' coz thats wat she is la..i mean,a VJ student wif grades gd enuf to get into medicine sch n she bonded with Desmond,an ex-vjc-ian who had the same grades n better...hmmz,i shall not say much except that she is articulate n world different from the previous gf of jady..who was a party chick?but then again,i noe my current class of ms0401 are gd enuf to haf grades like her if they had opt for jc route..but then again,from my experience,i noe this bunch of ppl wont haf as much fun or Be as much fun as they are now, If they were to opt for the jc route n mug for their a'levels..they'll probably be caught up in the rat race and paper chase and grades galour thingy if they are in jc rite now..which sometimes can make nice people not so nice people as they could be..like they are right now *beams*...plus so much Fun with a capital F..enjoy ppl,study hard ok,n play haRDer=)

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, March 07, 2005

12th October 1985

as a friend,or as my dear..ur the one person dat can lift my heart when its in a state of despair..earlier on la..

like when the clock was strikin twelve,it was supposedly to be another of our monthly anniversary..but now its not,n maybe it'll never be anymore..7th of the month was to be our day..though sometimes i ended up too busy to spend time wif you,i always try to squeeze moments/secs juz so to say 'celebrate'..n the best thing is,you never forget like other guys..not even 5mins late..sweet right?

maybe its better this way..like we converse more..n we kid around more n not take each other that seriously as we haf done before..like now i'm insistin on callin u monkey,n u insist on mi addressin u by the name,which is so formal la..coz U R STILL A MONKEY TO Me..hee..hha,now i get it why u dont like to eat bananas..coz ur an EDUCATED monkey who prefers banana splits hhahaha..somehow u r not amused,n i replied i'm not a clown..n u said i said so myself..yea well,i didnt make u amused so does dat mean i failed as a clown?*grinz*..its fun when i can tease u n get away wif it coz u can no longer "whack" mi hha..but i tink u will la if i'm besides u now:P..anyway,i hope i made u smile,coz dats all i ever want to do..as ur gf,or as a friend..

ok,back to me n my writings..when i tink tat i'll feel sad n down n depressed n goes into mournin over losin the one dat i love so suddenly,i realised i shud look on the brighter side n see dat i've gained..a monkey instead!~though its hard to come to terms wif dat realisation after almost a year together n the fact tat we are so certain that we'll be together n get married one day to each other..n now,it may not happen..unless he has a change of mind and a change of heart..which i foolishly admit i am still hopin n waiting..

maybe he made me felt a little joyful dats y i'm feelin better now..but deep inside left a hollow feelin n the aftertaste of vomitin dat kind..its juz yucks ok..to know that there'll be no 'happily ever afters' and 'happy endings' for us when we've thought we've found 'the one' in each other..n though i believed he is still the one,reality has taught me that in life,you dont necessarily get to marry 'the one' or have fairytale endings..u jus haf to make do with who you have or who you end up marrying and convince urself that they may be the 'one' and not set yourself in delusions that 'the one' is waiting fervently for you Out there..FOr there is No 'out there' n there is no 'The one'..it must've been a misprint or a misplacement of puncuations as in 'the one' is actually the 'one' as in the 'one' u marry, n not 'the one'ur waitin for ur whole life..right?

like i said to shunuan earlier; 'are u sure he's havin illusions or is it Delusions instead'..we were talkin abt her bf who's also our ex-classmate n SP MR.SBM tis year -.-"..my sec4 class haf a total of 5 couples already la..thats like 1/4 of the class wah lauz..n its onli 1/2 of the class dat are still in regular meetings..mr yap,save us!!maybe mr.yap shud reserve his marriage money for us instead of himself wahaha..tats a mean thought hmz..i shall blog abt tis another day,i shall go n conk myself out now..lights out!~

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Monday, March 07, 2005

12th October 1985

Saturday, March 05, 2005

I'm juz average..n sometimes i dunno if i like it tat way..*shrugs*..maybe sometimes i'm too lazy to take that 'effort' to stand out..then again,maybe i juz dun haf that X-factor to stand out n be appreciated..so sad right..

juz watched the 'azam' (ambition) show on suria while i was tryin to watch 'spirited away' which was in chinese.sub/jap language..saw my ex-schoolmate on tv..he's now takin a double diploma in child psychology n somethin else..so smart right..n he had lousy psle scores but he did well in his sec 5 exams..so the whole show was abt him n how he climbed out of the dirty well to do well in sec.sch life n now in RP la..made me feel so average..then they showed clips of our sec.sch n i was like 'wat the hell is dat place?how come i dun recognise?'..hha,it showed how long i havent been back la..some more interviews n b-rolls of him n his achievements n how he got thru it all..i dun feel like writin properly la so i'm juz blahh-ing without tinkin straight..gd for him,he was a nice guy though i dun really noe him that well..*shrugs*at least,he blossomed into an achiever..congrats..made me feel like an underachievin idiot -.-!

fine,i'm being sore here but yea tats wat i am la ar-underachieving idiot..even though i survived jc wif a full cert,its worth nothin coz now i'm in nyp..not that i'm not happy la..but then hor,yesterday the a'level results came out n of course,this year batch had to do better than the previous year..n meridien jc was the glamour jc for the media coz they produced five students wif straight a's n also because its the first batch taught by teachers fresh out of NIE..more congrats..n they had to show malay guys grinnin away wif their perfect scores..made me feel more like an idiot..haiz,i am an idiot-cant deny tat..n i dun see PJC anyway la,wat happen?oh ya,i still need to sms my friends for their results..

then i went to read rachel's and eve's blogs n they were chosen to get awards for sbm day..wah,so gd,sincere congrats u ppl..haiz,now i really am The idiot..somehow i'm not that outstandin or smart enuf for anythin la from sec.sch to jc to nyp..err,except for some taekwondo medals n mediocre stuff..i always seemed to do better on the sidelines..maybe coz i preferred it tat way?coz i dun haf that confidence to like Shine n be the star of my parents' eyes..considerin i am their onli hope,i dun seemed to do them proud..i'm disappointed in myself haiz..but i dun want to push myself to be someone who i am not..like the Top student or ms.congeniality or ms.universe coz i can never be like dat la lol..hmz..

Bleah,i shall juz be me..underachiever n an average girl..too average sometimes hee...

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Saturday, March 05, 2005

12th October 1985

The pix says it all... 

Wahaha,i'm going mad woohoo..i feel like turning cartwheels but my flexible skills are rusty liaoz..lalalala,i tink i'm going a bit siao Yay..finally learnt how to upload pics to HERE..yippee..feel like singing the Waterboys theme song but i dunno how..jasper played that song on thursday when he was playing that game in Xzone arcade where got alot of stuff to hit one..i tink its the drum set game/machine or something..n i went like 'hey,its the waterboys theme song!'..must let him watch,its damn farnie lor..hmmz,maybe i shall watch later too..but first up must watch 'spirited away' vcd which i borrowed from Meemum,n the 'le papillon'(the butterfly) which i finally bought on wed..yayy..i'm feelin a bit mad..maybe its a slow psychological effect on me due to the sadness i've been hiding deep inside..but i'm not sad now leh..maybe i AM finally going crazy..tada!Quack quack!

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Saturday, March 05, 2005

12th October 1985

Quack quack! 

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Saturday, March 05, 2005

12th October 1985

Friday, March 04, 2005

Read lihui's blog in the last few mins n realised tat wat she said is super true la(ur so smart!)..In this world where reality knocks the back of our heads too often,causing us to trip n fall,we shud juz turn around n knock it back wif a smile...I guessed i've been a victim of misery too much (so much for being an optimistic girl) but i guessed i've succumbed far too often to the harshness of reality to really have fun..AS compared to others,i noe i'm not that fun la ar sorri..must be due to growin old hee..:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Anyway,the past week has been a busy irritating as hell week la..i gave up countin the no.of presentations we haf n thank gdness that tis week i am Up n well enuf to fight the battles alongside my group..if i had been as sick as last week,i tink i'll juz die n rot in bed n desert them..but thank god,i'm better now physically..

I guessed wat gets me goin was the first presentation which was IP which i screwed myself up la coz i tok too slow n my nervousness caught up wif me so much that we overrun alot..i'm sorry people >.
Monday-IP presentation n then the bomb dropped on us wif the voice of rachel; 'Can we redo the entire photo montage thing?coz i felt that its not good enough'..n kk went like 'i haf one qn..U crazy ah?..tat was really the bomb la..n seriously i felt that rachel is snapping if she has to work wif us for one more project..that sentiment was felt all ard us 3 n it was real solid proof wif that whole 'redoing' thing..but like nice ppl,we agreed though we let syaz off coz he had to redo the storyboard which he lost..Monday was also the finance test which i can really add up the marks i tot i can get..which is like less than all my 10fingers put together..Oh ya,Monday was The idiotic Day where it starts off wif the Whole class turnin up for vc's tutorial onli to realise it was canceled -.-. That day also ended with us watching an Idiotic movie aptly titled 'Jackass' by Dickhouse productions..n other idiotic stuff happened which i had blogged b4...

Tuesday-results of the finance test came back n whoa,i actually managed to pass pretty well..whoa,it was a Huge miracle..No presentations..eh wait,we got the kannan presentation which she gave us That creepy smile of hers..it was obvious that from the start to the end,she still dun agree wif my group's news bulletin..well,take it or leave it la ar,we did our best for u even if she find it total bull.

Wednesday was the day when we tot we had VC lecture n it was canceled while everyone was making their way to school. So we got Tricked by her Twice in a week(thats an awesome feat. comin from someone like her to ppl like our class la!)..but had to come to sch because we had agreed to redo the photo thingy..At tis pt of time when i had the option to go home(i was at toa payoh) or go sch,i was a little pissed off that i had to choose the latter Just Because We had to REDO the montage when we dun haf to lah..

But the day turned out great wif the company of Jiali n KK as we 3 had the Free time off to take the photos. We went Cityhall n Esplanade n walked the entire round of the river all the way back to Cityhall station after we had dropped by Funan..tats like a HUGE round la..along the way,we dropped by the esplanade where kk got his frog pouch n we slacked at the library reading scripts n magazines because it was raining outside..that was pretty nice.i finished readin the scripts for 1)Ever After,2) The Matrix 3) Romeo & Juliet. Damn cool la but i couldnt find Miss Congeniality one >.
Evenin time came n we went to sungei rd flea market where khairiyah called n decided to join us but she got lost somehow..typical..n kk left us soon after..so we 3 went to suntec to take photos of the fountain of Wealth....there,i took on the role of logistics n took care of the bags while they took photos ..my camera is a lousy one tat cant take pictures at night v.well so i sat down at the bench..then after awhile i got bored so i laid down at the bench n refused to move..there was an old cheekopek man nearby who was watchin those 2 so we finally left soon after..but it was damn fruitful cum fun day..too bad syaz n rach were caught up wif sch activities dat day..

so thursday was the photo montage presentation n it was time pressing coz rachel hated our chosen song coz she found it negative, n jiali love it n she wasnt in that nice mood to explain to rach why..anyway,fast forward the group 'i' drama la ar..eventually we found the original song we wanted to use for our first montage n all is well again..Hey,can anyone burn the photo montage for me?i wanna see it again,thanks!..n thursday nite was also the nite my contact (jeremy lim;he's damn smart!) replied me..i'm saved!!!!!!!

so eventually today finally arrived..n like i had blogged earlier,the curtains came down n everything ends quite nicely..will miss Ms.sharon pereira;she's like the best part time lecturer after or on par wif lionel chok la..unlike Some Woman lecturer who is too "industrialised" and a stickler to rules bleaah,she actually made lessons fun n enjoyable..esp wif her beetle docu.which i rewatched on nat.geo two nights ago..my mum thought that ms.pereira was the wife of That young beetle competitor who went to name his Firstborn 'Little Beetle'..no mum,she was the first assistant director n not the pregnant wife lol!!

yea,n everyone was like noticeably tired n drained out during raphael lee's presentation..mi too..i was feelin kinda down n depressed on the journey home,but i bought the charcoal n po chai pills for mum for her food poisonin saga these two days..n bro finally dragged her to the doctor which is no easy task la..i missed monkey..but at least we're on talkin terms n went out to watch 'hitch' yesterday nitez..it was fun..but it was heartbreakin coz he still tot i'll give up my religion for him..i'm sorry,i cant n i wll not.hope u understand ..v.v

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, March 04, 2005

12th October 1985

Yoyoyoyo yo yo..me back yay!!PIka!!!

N the curtains finally came down for SEmEster 2 woohooo..been a trying one tis time around but i hope i did better than last sem..it seemed more fruitful n busy n basically,its an emotional rollecoaster ride both for myself n the group arrr..Thanks for everything guys,its been awesome working with all of you..like i said,it was one big rollercoaster ride-tears,laughter,anger,sweat,rainy,sunny-we all went thru it n hopefully,all of us emerged just fine..If i can do it all over again,i wont mind really..its been damn fun la ^^

N though i'm still v.much shocked n saddened by my sudden split wif my monkey,at least we're still on talkin terms..i guessed both of us are juz shocked it ended suddenly when we knew we cant haf a future together unless one of us back down n converts..*frowns*i really hope he understand y i will not give up my religion for the sake of love..when i watched the vcd 'windstruck' where the 2 protagonists are separated by life n death, i felt that being separated from monkey is a waste of time when both of us are obviously alive n kicking..but then,reality kicks in hard n takes the wind out of our stomachs. until now,still on the recovery path..

When the innocence of love has been lost,its hard to restart everything n believed that love can work out n that one can haf a happily ever after..When i realised that even love cant change his mind to convert for now or ten years down the road, i guessed we suddenly realised that we has reached the end,no matter how much we still want to go down the road further/longer hopefully foreva..Its a horrible feeling; to know that Love can still go on for us both, But it comes with the cost of My religion which i'll never give up..Sometimes when i'm sad or feelin lonely without him,i feel that Temptation to give up just like he has done to his..like he said,its not that bad..but i know i cant live without a religion...like wats the pt of being wif him n so in love when spiritually i'll be lost n miserable coz i lost that faith tat comes wif having a religion..so i guessed its the end..

Then again,i still believed (no matter how false the hopes are) tat hopefully one day he'll open his heart to A religion even if its not mine..Like the movie Hitch where one character, Albert Brenaman, a hopeless accountant. in love wif his boss who doesnt noe he exist till he consulted Hitch..All he wants is for her to be happy, even if she can never be wif him..Thats wat i want for monkey;to be happy..wif or without me..From the start to the end,all i want is for him to find happiness be it in the arms of his love, or anywhere else..but i hope one day he'll find that true happiness that comes wif having a religion...until dat day,i'll wait..Maybe that day will never come,but hey,i'm an optimistic girl always..though my birth date in the arabic calendar said otherwise..

Tis is a heartbreakin entry.i shall end here.but i'm ending wif a brave smile pika!

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, March 04, 2005

12th October 1985

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Its not fair!
its NOT fair..
its seriously NOT fair
I noe nobody said anything is Fair
but tis is seriously not fair..
i'm being childish here but so what
nobody teach nobody how to grow up n deal wif it
we all juz 'deal with it'..well,define 'deal'

Its not fair we haf to split when we still haf so much love
its not fair when its obvious its only each other dat we want
its that simple..yet its not..
we tried to make it simple,it almost seemed like it
but in the end,we failed too..for reality struck us dat very nitez
no hope..no future..y together..so goodbye
when its so obvious we dont wan to let each other go in the 1st place
we still dont la..

Yesterday i hurt n i cried n i healed n i smiled
n earlier,i tot i had been strong once more
but now i crumbled

yesterday he was in 1 piece n he was strong n i was not
yet today is the other way round
n now, both of us stumbled without each other shadows to lean upon
we could easily be together once more
its dat easy..coz we still love each other the same..
except for the distances
nothing really change..
but everything has..changed,tat is..

That nite,the sea quietens while we made our minds to split
it was so eerie, like its listenin to our conversation
the breakin of our hearts echoes the silence ard us..
which was weird,coz before tat it was super noisy..brr..

i guessed reality woke us up in really weird timings
when we tot our love is so strong we can overcome anything
but then its so strong tat its hurtin both of us
coz the only thing we ever want
is to come back to each other
n forgo reality n logic
like in the movie theatre
where we paid $8.50 to suspend reality
for that few hours in alternate realities of the 'movieworld'
n for that few hours..tats all we are askin for once more..
its that simple
but it'll never be..

maybe..if our love has been as strong as we had tot in the first place, y didnt it overcome the thing that set us apart from the v.beginning..our religions.

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 01, 2005

12th October 1985

N the ray of sunshine finally peeped in thru my life's window...for its not juz about me:),its abt u n everyone else...its no fun being tied down by misery n heartbreak n at the unfairness of it all..so i shall look beyond, like i had told monkey on saturday nitez

siti:' its not about looking at the restrictions imposed upon us by religion...its about lookin at them as a form of guidelines..n to look Beyond those rules, n simply live by it..its not that hard,but nobody says it was simple either...

I guessed i've been bloggin too much abt restrictions n religions n my confusion thru it all...i guessed its time to stop la..there are so many stuff left undone, n to be grievin at tis time is just like inappropriate la..i mean, i sorta 'screwed' up the Ip presentation coz i was too nervous..Now juz haf to look forward to endin all the presentations n gettin down to real studying...like monkey had said, dont let down my studies juz coz of him right...n i made him promise the same thing la..

in a way, he still plays a big part in my life cos dats how i want it to be ..i dont want him to just go away coz besides being my monkey, he is after all a friend before..n a very gd one too...Like i had told norisha, if anythin happens to us, we are after all, friends before n lovers after right..so its not fair to throw everything away..

gtg..*smiles*

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 01, 2005

12th October 1985

"Someday We'll Know"(feat. Jonathan Foreman)

[Mandy] Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can’t stop driving I don’t know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind

[Jonathan] Whatever happened to Amelia Earheart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?

[Both] Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Oh, Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...

[Mandy] Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
[Jonathan] Or what the wind says when she cries?
[Mandy] I’m speeding by the place that I met you
[Both] For the ninety-seventh time...Tonight

Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Someday we’ll know

[Jonathan] Why Samson loved Dealilah?
[Both] One day I'll go
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon
[Both] Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....

[Both] Open up the world
[Mandy] I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
[Jonathan] Watched the stars crash in the sea
[Mandy] If I can ask God just one question
[Both] Why aren’t you here with me tonight?

Oh, Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why Samson loved Delilah
[Both] One day I'll go
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon
[Both] Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 01, 2005

12th October 1985

chey,wat i've written is now gone liaoz coz i didnt managed to save it when my comp hanged..sometimes i wonder y am i putting up with tis ancient comp which has been troubling n givin mi new definitions of 'technological rage' everytime it crashes on me..it must have been love..-.-!

Anyway,i was bloggin about the five letter word 'IDIOT' which personified my day at school today la from the very beginnin to the end which ended coincidentally with an 'idiotic' movie called 'Jackass'..which was made on a 640k/64 k budget(mr azhar cant decide how many zeroes there are) n grossed much more profits that its kinda gross?..Anyway,the idiot started with me of course who scared 2 sbm students earli in the mornin juz coz i want to borrow their landyard for Vc's class..which was cancelled n the whole class DUNNO(wow!)..n i barged into ms wendy's office to ask her if she got spare landyard n she went like 'nooooooooo.of course not.ask the admin office'..anyway,it was a very long idiotic day at school..n itwas full of idiotic stuff..stuff like Mr.sesh bargin into the lift when mi n syaz n the rest of the sbm students are inside Not wearin our landyards..n he forced us ppl to Hold the life open..he Commanded us to hold the lift open while he qn n lectured us until we put on..O.O boy,that was scary..i actually tot i'll get debarred..If u tink vc is scary when it comes to not wearin landyards,here comes her Boss!..

Anywy,i didnt end up goin home after sch..was on my own tryin to recuperate n heal..actually, i was on my own trying to run away from something..but i realised that something was me..yea,it was deep inside me..i was tryin to run away from myself..n i knew no matter how far i go,i cant run so i 'ran' somewhere nearby la..i went to PS..went to eat coz i had no appetite for the whole day..then i managed to write some crap..then i went somewhere..then i went cityhall..went to HMV n listened to disney songs..played phil collins 'no way out' brother bear soundtrack like 4 times..the song aptly described me for now..then i saw the 'le papillon' VCD..which i had rented b4 n i found it pretty nice ar..then i saw 'Windstruck' vcd n i got torn btw the 2..i ended up buying 'windstruck' coz it brought back special memories ... maybe i'll buy 'le papillon' some other days ar..by then it was already 724pm..juz nice to head down to FOW..

where i sat there on my own..juz sat n stared n pondered n cried n stopped n stared n pondered some more...tink back to the last time i went there was during fastin mth when monkey was being childish n made mi felt like givin up the relationship..dat time,i had my best friend since sec sch to comfort me..juz now,i had nobody..n i didnt want anyone anyway wif mi..i juz want to be alone..so i sat there till like 930pm..enuf time to ponder n stared n cried n heal n hurt n eventually smiled..coz i knew monkey is safely home n he's takin it better than mi..if he can be strong,so can i..*hugs*..while i was learnin all tis thru his smses..the song 'miss u like crazy' by the moffatts came on..n i was like 'oh shit' n so i flowed like the FOW ..but then i stopped n dried up coz my 'strength' n optimism came back la..knowing that monkey is not takin it so hard(but he's into self-denial rather)..n he's askin mi not to take it so far tat it'll affect my studies,somehow i felt comforted by his 'strength' n eventually made my way home..

In fact,i got home in a better mood than i had been durin the weekend..my niece n nephew were around n i played ard wif the youngest one..somehow,i got irritated by the elder 2 whu persist to take my comp.games home which i had already allowed them so many times but its only their father stopppin them wat,not me..then i went to wash my striped blue shirt n discovered i got a big hole at the side..shitt..like jiali said 'go figure'..

anyway,monkey is dealing it as he usually does..play comp.games n not tink abt it..he told mi being single has its perks after all..like not goin thru all the hurt we kena..so i asked him 'does that mean u regret our time together?coz i had never did n i never will..n he said dunno la..*pained*..wateva la..juz grin n bear it ..Time is the only factor that is making all of tis painful...Time after school is also horrible coz we'll be without each other unless we plan to meet up for something..n he's still not sure if he wants mi in his life as a friend..like he said,'lets not tink abt it'..yea,lets not tink abt it *brave smile*..

Anyway,here's my crap i wrote after my dinner..alone..

I'm tryin to run away
-from the pain that is engulfin me
-from the fact tat we were not meant to be
I'm tryin to run away..into self-denial
To look for my rose-tinted glasses
& to find back the innocence of love i tot i've found
Trying to run away,far far away..
To rid of MY world n of all its pain
But then,i came across a mirror
n i see that i had not move at all.

Tryin to free me while i am freeing him
trying to erase the hurt that i'd caused him
tryin to erase the memories of us together
tryin to dis-engage myself from the pain
the hope,the love..everytin in btw..

wat the hell,tis is damn crap..

N now i'm waiting
waiting for what i'll nvr b sure
waiting for something thats out of my reach
waiting for him to come back
& all the while waiting for the pain to go away
I'm juz waitin for everythin to end
the pain,the heartache ..everything
but maybe,i'm juz waiting
for my wait to end..

SOmetimes i feel i'm waitin for nothing
just waitin for death n for whiteness
for everything to end n be gone
wait for him to move on
only then can i make my own move
waitin..for his pain to end
while waitin for my pain to consume me
waitin for my everthin to turn into nothing
till he comes back
n colour my world once more..

gee,i winced juz readin my own crap..after 2 years without lit,tis is wat i had been reduced to..it hurts.

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Tuesday, March 01, 2005

12th October 1985