Saturday, March 05, 2005

I'm juz average..n sometimes i dunno if i like it tat way..*shrugs*..maybe sometimes i'm too lazy to take that 'effort' to stand out..then again,maybe i juz dun haf that X-factor to stand out n be appreciated..so sad right..

juz watched the 'azam' (ambition) show on suria while i was tryin to watch 'spirited away' which was in chinese.sub/jap language..saw my ex-schoolmate on tv..he's now takin a double diploma in child psychology n somethin else..so smart right..n he had lousy psle scores but he did well in his sec 5 exams..so the whole show was abt him n how he climbed out of the dirty well to do well in sec.sch life n now in RP la..made me feel so average..then they showed clips of our sec.sch n i was like 'wat the hell is dat place?how come i dun recognise?'..hha,it showed how long i havent been back la..some more interviews n b-rolls of him n his achievements n how he got thru it all..i dun feel like writin properly la so i'm juz blahh-ing without tinkin straight..gd for him,he was a nice guy though i dun really noe him that well..*shrugs*at least,he blossomed into an achiever..congrats..made me feel like an underachievin idiot -.-!

fine,i'm being sore here but yea tats wat i am la ar-underachieving idiot..even though i survived jc wif a full cert,its worth nothin coz now i'm in nyp..not that i'm not happy la..but then hor,yesterday the a'level results came out n of course,this year batch had to do better than the previous year..n meridien jc was the glamour jc for the media coz they produced five students wif straight a's n also because its the first batch taught by teachers fresh out of NIE..more congrats..n they had to show malay guys grinnin away wif their perfect scores..made me feel more like an idiot..haiz,i am an idiot-cant deny tat..n i dun see PJC anyway la,wat happen?oh ya,i still need to sms my friends for their results..

then i went to read rachel's and eve's blogs n they were chosen to get awards for sbm day..wah,so gd,sincere congrats u ppl..haiz,now i really am The idiot..somehow i'm not that outstandin or smart enuf for anythin la from sec.sch to jc to nyp..err,except for some taekwondo medals n mediocre stuff..i always seemed to do better on the sidelines..maybe coz i preferred it tat way?coz i dun haf that confidence to like Shine n be the star of my parents' eyes..considerin i am their onli hope,i dun seemed to do them proud..i'm disappointed in myself haiz..but i dun want to push myself to be someone who i am not..like the Top student or ms.congeniality or ms.universe coz i can never be like dat la lol..hmz..

Bleah,i shall juz be me..underachiever n an average girl..too average sometimes hee...

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Saturday, March 05, 2005

12th October 1985