Friday, March 04, 2005

Yoyoyoyo yo yo..me back yay!!PIka!!!

N the curtains finally came down for SEmEster 2 woohooo..been a trying one tis time around but i hope i did better than last sem..it seemed more fruitful n busy n basically,its an emotional rollecoaster ride both for myself n the group arrr..Thanks for everything guys,its been awesome working with all of you..like i said,it was one big rollercoaster ride-tears,laughter,anger,sweat,rainy,sunny-we all went thru it n hopefully,all of us emerged just fine..If i can do it all over again,i wont mind really..its been damn fun la ^^

N though i'm still v.much shocked n saddened by my sudden split wif my monkey,at least we're still on talkin terms..i guessed both of us are juz shocked it ended suddenly when we knew we cant haf a future together unless one of us back down n converts..*frowns*i really hope he understand y i will not give up my religion for the sake of love..when i watched the vcd 'windstruck' where the 2 protagonists are separated by life n death, i felt that being separated from monkey is a waste of time when both of us are obviously alive n kicking..but then,reality kicks in hard n takes the wind out of our stomachs. until now,still on the recovery path..

When the innocence of love has been lost,its hard to restart everything n believed that love can work out n that one can haf a happily ever after..When i realised that even love cant change his mind to convert for now or ten years down the road, i guessed we suddenly realised that we has reached the end,no matter how much we still want to go down the road further/longer hopefully foreva..Its a horrible feeling; to know that Love can still go on for us both, But it comes with the cost of My religion which i'll never give up..Sometimes when i'm sad or feelin lonely without him,i feel that Temptation to give up just like he has done to his..like he said,its not that bad..but i know i cant live without a religion...like wats the pt of being wif him n so in love when spiritually i'll be lost n miserable coz i lost that faith tat comes wif having a religion..so i guessed its the end..

Then again,i still believed (no matter how false the hopes are) tat hopefully one day he'll open his heart to A religion even if its not mine..Like the movie Hitch where one character, Albert Brenaman, a hopeless accountant. in love wif his boss who doesnt noe he exist till he consulted Hitch..All he wants is for her to be happy, even if she can never be wif him..Thats wat i want for monkey;to be happy..wif or without me..From the start to the end,all i want is for him to find happiness be it in the arms of his love, or anywhere else..but i hope one day he'll find that true happiness that comes wif having a religion...until dat day,i'll wait..Maybe that day will never come,but hey,i'm an optimistic girl always..though my birth date in the arabic calendar said otherwise..

Tis is a heartbreakin entry.i shall end here.but i'm ending wif a brave smile pika!

Siti Nuraishah :+: Landed On :+: Friday, March 04, 2005

12th October 1985