If it makes you happy...

Saying goodbye

2005-03-17T01:19:00.000+08:00

Here's a medley of songs from 5ive all jumbled up courtesy of me..from 'Invincible' n '5ive' albums..just for you dear*hugs*..n by this,i'm moving over to my new blog; a new chapter of my life without you, not as my dear anyway..Here's the add everyone; Http://www.whenlovingmeansliving.blogspot.com Its not that i'm kickin him and this blog out of my life..its just a feelin that its time for me to Move somewhere new=)..Cya..my,i'm gettin all depressed again ^^..n a goodbye song for my blog *hugs*ur a gd blog,though a bit slow like me!

So many questions
Deep inside my heart
Give me a moment before you go
There’s something you ought to know
----------------------------------------
I could have been yours for eternity
I didn’t see it til it was all up in my face, no no
Do you recall the times that we shared
Moments alone and promises but now the days are gone
Now you’re on your own tonight
----------------------------------------
Ya hit me with the truth hit me with the raw fact
Put me on my back what you gotta say to that
(that religion will nvr be a part of you
and for that you'll never be a part of me
there will be no us, no future)
----------------------------------------
that’s what you told me baby
That’s what you told me baby
That’s what you told me baby
You drive me crazy
----------------------------------------
(Being with you)I could feel free
You were all that I was searching for
That’s just when I
I thought I could lean on you for life
I thought that the sun would always shine
But you took all my dreams away
----------------------------------------
(But) when I search my soul I find
A better place
To be around
(even if its without you,monkey)
----------------------------------------
Remember in the times when we used to have it all
But then came the fall feeling like we hit a brick wall
----------------------------------------
All the things I said,
I should have said and didn't say,
And I wonder why.
Yes, I wonder why.
I think about the time we spent,
The places that we went,
Still makes me cry.
----------------------------------------
i love you more than enough
For all the things that you do
----------------------------------------
It’s the things you do
there is no one to comfort me
Here in my cold reality
I’m searching for words
What can I say to make you see
----------------------------------------
Waiting and never give up my faith in you
Trying to make it clear
Without your love I’d be half a (girl)
Maybe one day you’ll understand
----------------------------------------
Feels like I have should be screaming,
Trying get through to (you & me)
sometimes it feels that life has no meaning,
But all things will be alright in the end
----------------------------------------
Why do they say that time will heal
This broken heart?
They would know it isn't true
If they lost someone like you
----------------------------------------
When the rainy days are dying,
Gotta keep on, keep on trying
All the bees and birds are flying
Ahhhh...
Never let go gotta hold on and
Non stop 'til the break of dawn and
Keep on moving, don't stop rocking(loving & living)
----------------------------------------
Get on up When you're down, baby,
Take a good look around.
I know it's not much, But it's okay.
We'll Keep on movin' on anyway

I love you monkey
Coz ur the onli love of mine that i had really believed it will last
too bad,it aint=) gullible me^^
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
S Club 7 - Say Goodbye Lyrics

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you
heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and
me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you
heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and
me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll missing your lovin' every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry

Because a true love never dies

bye!!

Dunno how to say goodbye

2005-03-17T01:00:00.000+08:00

Dear,tis is for you..will miss being in ur life..it hurts most when my mum keep askin abt u..

WHEN I REMEMBER WHEN (5ive)

All the things I said, I should have said and didn't say
And I wonder why, Yes I wonder why
I think about the time we spent, the places that we went
Still makes me cry, Yes it makes me cry

Why do they say that time will heal this broken
They would know it isn't true
If they lost someone like you, Oh

CHORUS:

Some things can never be replaced
Some things are with me for always
These are the things I will remember(When I remember when)
I'd rather love and lose it all
Then never have you to recall
These are the things I will remember, (again and again)
Again and again
(When I remember when)

You taught me how to love
I am all I am because of you, Just because of you
Everytime I lost my way
You shined the light and made my day
You see me through, Yes you see me through.

So who's gonna come around to heal this broken heart
Show me how to laugh and cry
But never how to say goodbye

CHORUS

This life goes on and carry on you do and its OK
This love goes on and I will live to love another day
This life goes on and carry on you do and its OK
I would laugh and I would cry
But I will never say goodbye

CHORUS

When I remember when

2005-03-15T17:40:00.000+08:00

Yay,mama just got home from grocery shoppin n she bought mi Junk Food!!!!!!yay hahaha..how am i gonna finish it now that exams are almost over o.O but woohoo..lemme see,got chipsmore hazelnut cookies,Post oreo breakfast, and mini cadbury chocolates..all in two's somemore..i'm drooling already ..yummy,time to get fat woohoo..i shud really get back to studyin,but studyin for SSL is So Mundane,so Technical n basically,i'm sianz liaoz..i tink i took the Least amt of time to study for her module(less than a day)n i still only haflway thru..i dont tink i'll even remember most of it when i sit for the paper..its too technical n dry already..bleahh..gimmi back my finance notes hahaha..bleah..

btw,i'm moving house..i mean blog..its time for me to move,this blog is gettin too depressin sometimes..right?anyway,the blog is still under renovations but i'll post the link here after everything's all okay liaoz..^^..time to renovate,cya..

Oh oh

2005-03-14T21:08:00.000+08:00

N the drama continues...now i have to write an apology letter to the director before he gets the chance to breathe down my neck n slay me alive on wednesday. Save me somebody!!

Junk N Scrap Metal aCan Talk

2005-03-14T19:45:00.000+08:00

the more i tink abt it,the more i tink i had just cut away like 10minutes of Ms. Cheong's lifespan this afternoon haha..Thanks for everythin,Ms.Cheong ^^ Sorri for all the trouble yah..ok so this is obvious:i am That scatterbrained,n more..This is not the first time i forgot to bring my landyard,but its the first that i never bring for an exam..like ms.cheong said,'siti,this is a very serious matter...'-.-

Anyway,had lunch wif lihui,caryn n meemum..n i tink its the first time i ate 3 meals at one go la..-.- i feel fat but i'm not hopefully..wish can hang out more but i chose to watch Robots instead..n Roshi chose not to come ar..:( n bifeng left long ago so it was just us 3..hehe,we troubled the waiter alot also,so sorri..i wonder if he got increase the service charge ^^..n we ate Topless 5 thanks to MeemUM yum yum..hey,that rhymed wahaha...

Anyway,what do you get when you mix jazz and punk?Its JUNK,get it?lol!..a mixture of jazz and punk and you'll get Junk hahaha..ok,its lame :p but Robots was quite nice ar..worth 6.50 and worth watchin on my own,though the guy sittin next to mi wif his gf probably thinks i'm retarded laughin alone o.O..oh yea,and the little girl on my left kept pokin her head fwd to see what those two were doin la -.-!n she was VERY obvious which was pretty disturbin,made mi want to turn my head to the right and look also -.-..Little girl,dont follow ok and brake your imagination for awhile,and just watch the bloody show..do not b distracted by off screen entertainment..

which was nice..very monster incs..just replace monsters with metal and you get Robot City,but no Boo,but there's always Fender,the GUy robot who turned GIRl at the end because he lost his bottom and fixed a scrap metal Girl's bottom on himself -.-!..n his sister,Piper..'Hi,i'm Piper..rhymes with Viper hsss'..very AManda bynes..

but very cute very cute the show..if i can laugh while watchin alone,that means its funny right..or mabe i'm juz crazy..i swear i'm turnin into a movie addict la..i haf to watch a movie at least once a week,or i'll be super deprived..unless u buy mi VCDS..

lala,n i'm bloggin without my specs coz i Do Not want to step out of my room B'coz my niece n nephew haf made their grand cum noisy arrival..n they already started squabbling..i shall ignore then n grasped on to my peace in This room of mine..evil me huh..

okla,wendy's paper was Easy..i lurve the teacher arrrgh..she made mi love finance hha..umm..yea i tink so..its my fave subject tis sem..hahaa..err..i'm kiddin myself la..i tink ^^

KEEP ur promises,that child is not dumb!

2005-03-13T02:22:00.000+08:00

i guessed i've been callin my jc friend norisha up too much over the past week sort of tat i'm feelin a little guilty i may b hinderin her times to study..sorri if i am girl ...n thanks for helpin wif finance earlier.though it was super chim,it pretty much lit my brain up a little..

anyway,missed parent's day today coz i thought i could like continue sleepin n my dad will go on his own..turn out he didnt want to go on his own so when i woke up ard 1plus,he was slackin at the livin room..-.-..plus i didnt noe head from tail wat parent's day is abt n wat time it starts or end la so i was askin him if he was still interested to go n he said he gotta meet his friend to go to a malay weddin reception..which was fine wif mi la coz then i can continue studyin my finance...sorry dad,i really tot u had left to go alone..felt v.bad,like i know,i'm a horrible daughter la..sorry i ended up sleepin at abt 4am n couldnt wake up in time to go wif u ..i guessed u were lookin forward some sort..ooh,i felt so bad..*sad*..now i feel like crying..:(

anyway,he left the hse n i left too soon after to study wif norisha..which turned out not bad la though i kept pesterin her wif qns..sorri agian girl..n we went to delifrance n i saw my friend Iskandar who IS still workin there..wow..didnt really noe him well on a personal basis but can tell he's a great guy ar..n i didnt noe u can work the Entire shift just cleaning!which he was doing la,amazing man..n he's damn hardworkin oso la..just cleanin wow..delifrance sure got alot of stuff to clean..i'm impressed..n my neighbour is also workin there wif him..interestin....n norisha,my sec sch guy frenz u saw in woodlands dat day is not CUTE ok hha..he's not evne close,he's irritatin n just like sufian,nice to crush the ego one ^^..but ur friend Bryan is hot ok..sadly,i onli haf one frenz whose status could match bryan..is tat how's he's spelled?maybe u shud change target from the Rock to him?its much better in every sense of the word hahaha..

anyway, bumped into my bro's family after sendin norisha off n my eldest niece nina was pretty much being a spoilt brat for some reason la..kept mouthin off that her parents dont keep their promises to buy her a watch..Firstly,parents shud Try to keep their promises(thats like the oldest rule in the parentin book)..secondly,if cannot promise,then just shut up n dont give hope to the poor child..thirdly,she was being a spoilt brat..so i dragged her a little farther from the parents to haf A TALK..

nina;Mummy didnt keep her promise to buy mi a watch..she bluffed..she lied..she's a liar(or somethin like dat)..Daddy also..(n she kept whining..)

me:what happened to all your other watches?

nina:all of them spoilt already,no batteries

me:then ask ur parents buy batteries la

nina:no,cannot.its all spoilt by water already.i want new one

me:who ask u to spoil them in the first place(i was gettin exasperated)

nina:mummy/daddy didnt keep their promises..they lied..they are liars..(irritatin right)..

me:you think ur parents print money isit?if they didnt buy u a watch,that means they didnt have enuf money to buy you a watch right?If they haf money,they'll buy for sure what..

nina:(sulks for awhile, then her mood changes like the child she is)They bought mi a purple Violet bag(violet as in the character from the Incredibles)..

me:(gives up..n tinks,she is Becomin a spoilt brat man...)

Anyway,maybe she continue her whinin later when she reached home n will probably get more scoldings from her parents la god knows ar..anyway,yah..people do u get it?if u are going to be parents one day,or already are,PLEASE KEEP UR PROMISES no matter how Dumb or FOrgetful u think the child can be at his or her age ok..coz they may not remember numbers or formulas,but Promises are the basic stuff they'll remember..coz it means they WIll receive Somethin in Return see?which means HOPe,n hope is one thing that everyone holds on to,no matter how desperately out of luck they could b..

which means,i am still very much a child ..yay!~its 3am ..again~nitez

Friendster

2005-03-12T02:42:00.000+08:00

was just lookin thru friendster photos of my friends..like those whom i'm not that close wif or whom i had grown distant from..glad they all looked so happy still ^^..b4 dat i found the link to nyp aikido n i shamelessly added it and those i knew to my list of friends hee..just delete or reject if u hate my face ok..

then i looked thru soem of the nyp aikido members whom i know not that well coz i dun usually ocme for tanglin trainings nor do i bother to be as friendly as dawn..hee..i'm not good at politickin la,but if u talk to me,i'll talk to u n u better respond when i TALK to you ok..kiddin..but dont u find it irritatin if u ask someone a question n they give u one word answer..i had a partner like dat once in my class ..then i looked at wardah's one coz she's alwys so photogenic la..then remembered that time durin filmin we saw a print ad. with someone whose face super similar to wardah lah,but a much older version..but still chio..then looked at amelia's,my pjc classmate..haha,she looked so happi wif her new belle ar..

hm,now lookin at this sec.sch guy who's supposedly hot wif my friend n the juniors la..ok la,he's gd lookin but so?not much besides dat la ar..i dun really tok much wif him durin sec.sch oso so wondered y he had added mi..so sad,my sec 4 malay class was patheticaly small la n the malay teacer had to go gaga n be biased on us coz she obviously favoured him..*rolls eyes*..hmz,in the friendster pix he hs a red lanyard n he's from nyp..dun tell mi he's from sbm n i still havent seen him all tis while..strange..maybe dun recognise him anymore who noes..like i said,hardly communicate wif him in sec.sch..

so fun,friendster can b so fun n memorable,esp wif the pics..i shall try to clear the dust from mine soon..n jasper's brother said somethin abt a lee kuan yew n goh chok tong acct. being set up soon la..shud go check..no,shud go sleep,its 3am..gdnitez!~

Chocolate is goooood

2005-03-12T01:52:00.000+08:00

Chocolate makes u feel good,so damn gooood..:D

didnt realise how deprived i am of chocolate until today when i ate 3 chocolate cravings wif norisha n parhana(I'm so glad to see u par,its been like more than a year!!!)..*sways*..n she said that i'm always high..;s am i?..i'm not on drugs u noe ^^..though that time eatin muscle relaxants pills did made mi go a little over the cliff..

anyway,watched this malay movie like at 10pm after our mass icecream cum dinner at causeway pt..its like the first malay movie i tink i watched la!..it was actually supposed to be a scary,freaky show but i tink i laughed my ass more than some movies la..the 'hantu'(ghost) damn drama la..wats wif the shaky hands,u got fits or something lol..its hilarious la n norisha couldnt figure out why i was laughin so hard while she hid behind her bag..but she figured it eventually..n i tink the ghost also got some subconscious repressed self..she kept touching and stroking the 'humps' of the supposedly decomposed body of her master la hhaha..n parhana n mi couldnt stop laughin also till we were called 'sickos' by dear norisha haha..then parhana got scared by one little girl who was pretty restless throughout the movie n crawled besides parhana n scared the hell off her la..which was hilarious also..it was like offscreen entertainment ^^

anyway,the movie got like super obvious product placement la..especially for adidas,one of the sponsors..whom i tink will be super pleased la..i mean,one of the characters were dressed in adidas from head to toe literally la..but then they mentioned 'panasonic' n they almost showed nokia handphones,both of whom were not sponsors..camera n lightin n sound were fine,n it was obvious they used blue gel for the nite filmin..but i dont want tok abt that la ar,the 'ghost' was more entertainin..she actually can Rationalise out loud and she could actually DRIVE n cook for the 'lost son' of her dead mistress..damn power la haha..n her hair looked rebonded n neatly combed oso :P wat the hell..then again,it turned out she's not really a ghost but more of a servant whose screws popped after the death of her mistress..n she can Plan how to get the 'lost son' back after 22 years..v.intelligent mad woman..;)

so i trudged off home alone n managed to catch the last train which unfortunately stopped at ang mo kio..n it was tis one time i really wished i can like go to school or something n eventually i dropped at yck at like past midnite..wanted to wait to try my luck if got 853 anot,but wth,the taxis proved to be too great a temptation..

yea so i am here writin n tryin to tok to my guy friends n syaz kept accsuin mi of being emotional..i am not ok:P,i'm juz high n that is not emotonal..garrr,i'm feelin a bit crazy here..n i'm supposed to haf exhausted all my emotions after that entry jasper left mi..pika!..i actually felt like screamin 'pikka' after the paper earlier..but wat the hell...

hmz,seemed like i'm high today..must haf got up on the wrong side of the bed ^^..but arent u supposed to feel angry,not high?:D..pika!

Love for love's sake

2005-03-10T21:46:00.003+08:00

aiyo,i seriously need a life.now i'm on the verge of pokin my head back n readin all my dusty john donne poems..i shud start studyin finance though,thats a tough one..but i'm so bored after studyin vc's one..what shall i do,what shall i do..la la la..here goes another fave.poem of mine..

Elizabeth barrett browning
(Sonnets from the portuegese XIV)

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
"I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"--
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity
----------------------------------
need any translation?!no need right,so obvious.no,i am not lookin for love.i've just fallen out of love.so i need that faith that love exists,maybe not for mi but for others..hehehe,in my 4e2 class,love is definitely blooming.cupid is doin too gd a job,he better retire b4 the rest of us gets nauseous n dont turn up for anymore gatherings!kiddin,love on people..love works.but not for me.n i preferred it that way*grinz*coz dat means i dun haf to throw my love to one,but to all.muacks!~Er,dat didnt come out right..spread the love ard ppl ;)

lovers' infiniteness

2005-03-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

LOVERS' INFINITENESS.
by John Donne

IF yet I have not all thy love,
Dear, I shall never have it all ;
I cannot breathe one other sigh, to move,
Nor can intreat one other tear to fall ;
And all my treasure, which should purchase thee,
Sighs, tears, and oaths, and letters I have spent ;
Yet no more can be due to me,
Than at the bargain made was meant.
If then thy gift of love were partial,
That some to me, some should to others fall,
Dear, I shall never have thee all.

Or if then thou gavest me all,
All was but all, which thou hadst then ;
But if in thy heart since there be or shall
New love created be by other men,
Which have their stocks entire, and can in tears,
In sighs, in oaths, and letters, outbid me,
This new love may beget new fears,
For this love was not vow'd by thee.
And yet it was, thy gift being general ;
The ground, thy heart, is mine ; what ever shall
Grow there, dear, I should have it all.

Yet I would not have all yet.
He that hath all can have no more ;
And since my love doth every day admit
New growth, thou shouldst have new rewards in store ;
Thou canst not every day give me thy heart,
If thou canst give it, then thou never gavest it ;
Love's riddles are, that though thy heart depart,
It stays at home, and thou with losing savest it ;
But we will have a way more liberal,
Than changing hearts, to join them ; so we shall
Be one, and one another's all
--------------------------------------
so sweet.tis is like my fave's john donne's love poem..in this poem,he talks as in the impossibility of him giving all his love to his lover,because if he has given all his love,then the next day he got no more love to give his lover. N he talks of how he dont want all the love of his lover,because after that he shall receive no more already.

in the 2nd para, he talks of how new guys may come along n may beat him in winnin her love,but since her heart belongs to him,then he should have all her love and more because love grows from the heart.so whateva *new love that other guys received from her are just mere gifts.

then lastly he talks of how he dont want all her love because if he has all her love,he cannot haf anymore of her love which is so sad la. n he talks of how she should not *give him her heart everyday coz it basically means she never give her heart in the first place ar. so he *lost everyday coz he didnt get to haf her heart *everyday but then,with losing comes saving ar. thus is the line 'with losing savest it' ..then he concluded that if they can be together as one,and be 'one another's all' it'll be so much better because her heart will grow in him and vice-versa...so they'll grow together in love n literally..so sweet..

2005-03-10T18:47:00.000+08:00

garrr,i'm havin earbug*(earwig?wats that term called when a song kept playin in ur head?4got liaoz)..n worse,its that indo.band sheila on 7's song playin in my head la..their recent song which goes 'aku pulang....'(i returned)in that scary,freaky background music..gave mi goosebumps.i hated that song.but the radio lurved it,kept playin it over n over..garrrr

anyway,peeps or anyone writin,i am doin ok..handlin my emotions ok n keepin them well under cover esp wif the exams loomin up in front of me..i should be ok..i woke up n i felt ok..anyway,i cleared stuff from my room within 2 hrs..n that included throwing away my rotting sofa and a disgusting looking cupboard...then i was left wailing coz i dunno where to put all my jc notes n files..eventually stacked them up on a little table,heck la..i gotta study for 2morrow's paper ar :P..just stacked them like uno stacko..anytime can collapse one..put my lit.notes on top coz i lurved them most hhehe..

anyway,lilo&stitch startin like right now.laterz ppl..

n i missed aikido trainings..n taekwondo..its been hell long since i went for taekwondo la..i sacrificed it to concentra on aikido's gradin n havent been back since hehehe..

n remnants of her heart flew wif the passing wind

2005-03-10T01:07:00.000+08:00

i'm stunned

n i'm numb to say anything

i cant believe it

can somebody smack my head?

i'm speechless

i'm stunned

n it hurts ..

he just blogged mi his 'reasons as to why (he) dont want a religion'..SElfish?Yes.enlightening?yes.the truth hurts?super.

no wonder everyone tellin mi not to pin hopes on a future together. coz simply,there aint one. n i'm dumb enough to continue believing. not only am i an underachievin idiot,i'm an idealistic one too. plus naive n gullible, n simply S T U P I D
yea,dats wat i am *grinz*..

n the wave washed over mi..

n the remnants of her broken heart fluttered away with the passing breeze

swish,woosh,swish..

i tell u.i am just starin at the screen. like the idiot tat i am.

uncertainties in a slice of lime..

2005-03-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

miss soo reminded mi of a cat..yah,tat tot struck mi on the way home..yah,a cat of all animals..like a cat thats ready to pounce at us anytime soon..well today la..tats the feelin i 'got' from her..like somehow she's angry tat we didnt do well for her test,so her hints for the exam were like full of sarcasm la..like a cat,she was 'hisssing' at us b4 she can like pounce..like she wanna smack our heads wif her claws,but has to refrain from it in case it gets her expelled that kind..

anyway,i tink i'm developing asthma again or something wif my incessant coughings..its gettin worse la,n earlier on,my throat got ticklish n i dunno y so i was coughin like mad on the way home n tryin to stop myself from puking my dinner out..i tot i would actually puke b4 i reach my hse..then maybe its like ppl can see tis girl maybe got like drunk too early n so pukin her brains out on her way home hha..no,that is not a gd impression.i am not drunk...bleah x.X so reached home n puke my guts out n my mum was like hollerin herself hoarse lecturin mi from the living room..:D..bleaargh

anyway,today went down for the Lime meeting with caryn n the rest of the 'writers' n ms ang n ms???(from student affairs) to meet the editor down at the nearby tech.park near sch..it went ok but she wants ideas n the Student Affairs preferred us to email them First b4 we emailed Lime..ok fine..n miss ang was v.farnie la..she kept PUSHIN literally the articles to stella to read even though she said she'll read it Later in her office..miss ang is really the SA n publicity woman of the sch man..

then again,i dun feel really Safe wif the capital 's' without azhar n ms. teng teng around for guidance la..or even mr.yap my sec sch english teacher..

i d.o.n.t f.e.e.l s.a.f.e
n they want us write abt campus activities n events..which may or may not be that fun la..it sounded v. newsletter-ish which i had stayed away from since like sec sch...besides teh fact that i wrote n published the first editon of the library newsletter on my own, wif some help from huiwen n the library teacher..but after that i ran away hahaha!no wild horses can drag mi back or make me write school newsletters la:P!!

but like norisha,my jc frenz said,its juz 'lime' u noe..juz go for it la..i.don't.feel.safe. ..like tis is a bit way over my head even though i hardly done anythin cept write one pathetic piece of article WHICH ms.ang edited so much until i cant even recognise my own piece of work la..n she can still mixed them up wif leroy's one..-.-!n there i went like 'no,i didnt write this i swear.Tis is not my kind of writin la..i dun use words like bumper crop'..er,tat sounded more like some harvest ongoin at a farm..n she replied she edited it ..but she still got our articles mixed up..nvm la ar..

anyway,that was that la. it was nice steppin into mediacorp publishin n all n i dun mind doin freelance work there..But for now,i'm tinkin twice abt sittin at the desk and write all my life ar..even though i love to write..can i xplore other options first?:D isnt that wat poly life is all abt..n yea,i still dun feel safe without the teachers' guidance ard..maybe i shud stick back to doin projects n write for azhar's works n stay put ok..instead of goin over my head n try reaching for the moon..is tis overconfidence?or lack of it?monkey said its lack of it..norisha said i should juz continue writin la..like she said,its just 'lime'..squish squish..

n i went norisha's hse for the first time today la..her younger sibs are so adorable n so 'guai'!compared to my niece n nephew la..her sibs like actually sat down n read books n studied..n i was like 'whoaa..'maybe i shud employ norisha to be my behavioural specialist for my niece n nephew..Thanks for lettin mi come ur house girl,sorri i came n stayed so late..troubled ur family onli >.
so dat was dat..plus more coughings..bleargh..

n i missed monkey..as a frenz n as my dear..*sighs*

maybe norisha is rite,we shud juz be together n like haf fun n not tink of the seriousness of it all..but it is a relationship after all..n wats a relationship wif no future right..*ponders*..right?like if we do decide tat we want to get married,then how..i mean,we already noe that its wif each other we want to be wif thru thick n thin from the v.start..so doesnt that means we wan to haf a future 2gether?..can we just like haf fun while it lasts n not haf a future 2gether..can it work dat way?..but i tink that'll only hurt us more right?..how ar..*sighs*..buh byezzz

OoH

2005-03-08T18:25:00.000+08:00

by the way,the DVDS for 'the successful story of a bright girl' and 'my love patzzi' are OUT!..n its DVDS damn!..i shall try to get a dvd player somehow somewhere..lemme calculate the costs..hmz,i must really go down to JB n buy on my own,coz nobody will buy for me la..i mean,the cost of rm100 for those vcds scared my dad from buying it la dotz..n my brother too..i need investors~!or just a JB tourist will do la..33mins more,i shall hit my notes..but those dvds are Tempting..shall i go buy them first n then look for a dvd player to watch?or shall i wait until i go JB then buy myself..i'm pathetic!off i go=)

-.-"

2005-03-08T18:08:00.000+08:00

i'm rotting fast..no,i'm decomposing as the humid weather of Singapore overcomes me...n the bloody polluted smell that wa..wats that word..wafers in?..er,the bloody chemical polluted smell diffused up to my bedroom window from the constructions ongoin down below..its chokin mi,n slowy i shall die...

cause of death: poisoned of boredom/pollution in attempts to make singapore a better living place ..at the expense of its citizens

already,my brain is rottin la ar,no matter how much i tried to study..then again,i'm not exactly a study machine at tis time of the day when the sun is up..i'm a nocturnal not diurnal creature..but somehow,when night falls,i conk out also :D..tis is not good..tis is bad

i need to get out..like mr.yeo my lit teacher had said..stay at home n u'll be visitn the fridge more often than your books..dont u get it?the fridge stays the same,its not gonna proliferate with more junk food for you!get out of the house..umm,i dont wanna leave the safe and beautiful haven that i've found which is my bed...no wonder i conked out earlier at 2pm,its such a wonderful place to be..

haiz,i'm so bored..single life can be a bore if u dont haf a constant friend who's willin to entertain n watch movies wif u hha..but then again,no gd movies until tis thursday..not sayin that i dun haf friends,but i tink they're all Submerged in their worlds of projects n exams(y do i haf to end sch the earliest)..hmm,that means i shud drag my poly classmates out..anyone on?jiali,are we still up for the JB trip?anyone else up for it?already,i'm dreamin of it..can we go the day after our last paper?please...i shud get a job..but which co.in their right minds will accept me for a month's work..is tis wat u called Poly holidays?i've been cheated waaaaaaaaaaaaaah..

sob sob..n i'm freakin bored..i shud make my way down to the library n get books..but the weather's too freakin hot n killin mi la..hmz,anyway i dont feel like moving anywhere 100m away from my bed..lemme see..lilo&stitch startin soon at 7pm..there's like 40mins to go..i can study for 40mins more then watch the show..aaaaaargh,i'm goin mad..i'm decomposing together wif my brains literally!40mins..er,i can blog for another 40mins also..i can like break down minute by minute wats goin thru my mind for the next 40 mins..err,its 38mins..sob sob..somebody save me,i'm decomposing together wif my brains..then again,i can sleep some more,but i'll probably miss the show..i'm a slave to tv,and wats worse,its not being a gd Master to me,there's No gd shows arggh!!

37mins more..i shall go study..SSL's module is the chim-est of them all..hur hur,i am being forced to study coz there's Nothin else for me to do bleaah..36mins mroe..i can go volunteer..i can do alot of stuff..but i'm rotting,i'm not of much use..i shall try to hit the notes again...bleah

Aikido trainin

2005-03-08T01:23:00.000+08:00

Hehehe,me felt so sianz after Tryin to study vc's paper with a capital T la..ended up watching '3 against the world' an old Andy lau movie on Star chinese movies on tv...the plot was pretty interestin so i parked myself down to watch..n he was pretty cute when young la..eh,the word shud be 'dashing' not 'cute'..ah well..anyway,took illegal pics of senior class in training while dawn,andy n mi parked ourselves down outside..actually,we shud've juz taken pics directly la ar,no need be so secretive abt it..but then dawn said sumthin abt it being illegal..anyway,i shall blog abt the trainin another day..here's the Illegal pics hha..

illegal dojo pix!~=)

illegal pix of sensei~=)

dawn looked so sweet!~

Ai no Shirushi(signs of love)

2005-03-08T01:11:00.000+08:00

The song is bloody cute ar~!Let me see if i can get my hands on it somewhere..meanwhile here's the translated lyrics right out of the movie..;)

Waterboys
Artist: Puffy
Title: Ai no Shirushi (Sign of Love)
Words: Kusano Masamune
Music: Kusano Masamune

That feel good sting
Of young hearts on fire
You sparkle for no reason
And you know you’re in love

Some day soon
And only to you
I have to confess
Everything I feel

To get a little stronger
I’m rowing away
In my broken boat
I’ll have you instead.
a soft heart gets numb, a pleasant needle's stimulation

Even in my dreams I understand
the mystery of a night spent tossing and turning

Even if it's just a memory
and the wind whispering

My treasure I cherish beyond tears
in a land where anything is possible, there's just one.

That feel good sting
Of young hearts on fire
You sparkle for no reason
And you know you’re in love

to be in the arms of love..

2005-03-07T14:21:00.000+08:00

maybe if everybody can be in the arms of love,then the world can be a better more peaceful place to live in...if everybody can safely know that when night comes,there's somebody to tuck them into bed or somebody to give them a gdnite huge,maybe the world will not be so much into chaos as it is today..maybe,if everybody knows that they can come home to a safe home and into the arms of their loved ones to hold them tight while they drift off to sleep, maybe there will be no wars in the first place...but then again,reality is harsh on us all,even for those born wif a silver spoon..so we continue searching for that 'warmth' we've lost or we cant seemed to appreciate ..n so the world continue to be in such perils n chaos..broken homes,marital affairs etc..jus so we can find that 'arms of love' that we all are searching for somehow..

when i read the recent article abt the homelessness of american teens in hollywood,it seemed a world apart from us teenagers in singapore who are safe n sound..readin that article saddened mi,coz in their world,there is no safety,there's not much love goin ard..i know i can say this all easily coz i am not in their shoes,but to imagine that teens who are probably ard my age or younger on the other side of the world are succumbing to the harshness of reality all too soon,is juz unbelievably unbelievable..maybe its due to the safe cocoon that we singaporeans teens haf all been brought up in ar..america is like one of the world biggest superpowers(or is it they are?)but if they cant even protect their younger demographics from living off the streets to find an independent livelihood of their own,the nation is not saying or doin anythin much at all,right?i dunno,i cant say for sure coz i am not an american..but i shall try to keep an open mind abt it ..after all,if one has to face the world's baddies so early in their lives,that one person will grow up n hopefully make sure that their kids dont end up the same fate as them right?then hopefully,that'll be a better thing to look forward for..to taste all the world's chillies n make sure that the future generation dont taste them too much or at all..

anyway,i met jady's new gf yesterday..n one word juz popped out of my mind la..the word is 'articulate' coz thats wat she is la..i mean,a VJ student wif grades gd enuf to get into medicine sch n she bonded with Desmond,an ex-vjc-ian who had the same grades n better...hmmz,i shall not say much except that she is articulate n world different from the previous gf of jady..who was a party chick?but then again,i noe my current class of ms0401 are gd enuf to haf grades like her if they had opt for jc route..but then again,from my experience,i noe this bunch of ppl wont haf as much fun or Be as much fun as they are now, If they were to opt for the jc route n mug for their a'levels..they'll probably be caught up in the rat race and paper chase and grades galour thingy if they are in jc rite now..which sometimes can make nice people not so nice people as they could be..like they are right now *beams*...plus so much Fun with a capital F..enjoy ppl,study hard ok,n play haRDer=)

u made mi happy..always

2005-03-07T01:18:00.000+08:00

as a friend,or as my dear..ur the one person dat can lift my heart when its in a state of despair..earlier on la..

like when the clock was strikin twelve,it was supposedly to be another of our monthly anniversary..but now its not,n maybe it'll never be anymore..7th of the month was to be our day..though sometimes i ended up too busy to spend time wif you,i always try to squeeze moments/secs juz so to say 'celebrate'..n the best thing is,you never forget like other guys..not even 5mins late..sweet right?

maybe its better this way..like we converse more..n we kid around more n not take each other that seriously as we haf done before..like now i'm insistin on callin u monkey,n u insist on mi addressin u by the name,which is so formal la..coz U R STILL A MONKEY TO Me..hee..hha,now i get it why u dont like to eat bananas..coz ur an EDUCATED monkey who prefers banana splits hhahaha..somehow u r not amused,n i replied i'm not a clown..n u said i said so myself..yea well,i didnt make u amused so does dat mean i failed as a clown?*grinz*..its fun when i can tease u n get away wif it coz u can no longer "whack" mi hha..but i tink u will la if i'm besides u now:P..anyway,i hope i made u smile,coz dats all i ever want to do..as ur gf,or as a friend..

ok,back to me n my writings..when i tink tat i'll feel sad n down n depressed n goes into mournin over losin the one dat i love so suddenly,i realised i shud look on the brighter side n see dat i've gained..a monkey instead!~though its hard to come to terms wif dat realisation after almost a year together n the fact tat we are so certain that we'll be together n get married one day to each other..n now,it may not happen..unless he has a change of mind and a change of heart..which i foolishly admit i am still hopin n waiting..

maybe he made me felt a little joyful dats y i'm feelin better now..but deep inside left a hollow feelin n the aftertaste of vomitin dat kind..its juz yucks ok..to know that there'll be no 'happily ever afters' and 'happy endings' for us when we've thought we've found 'the one' in each other..n though i believed he is still the one,reality has taught me that in life,you dont necessarily get to marry 'the one' or have fairytale endings..u jus haf to make do with who you have or who you end up marrying and convince urself that they may be the 'one' and not set yourself in delusions that 'the one' is waiting fervently for you Out there..FOr there is No 'out there' n there is no 'The one'..it must've been a misprint or a misplacement of puncuations as in 'the one' is actually the 'one' as in the 'one' u marry, n not 'the one'ur waitin for ur whole life..right?

like i said to shunuan earlier; 'are u sure he's havin illusions or is it Delusions instead'..we were talkin abt her bf who's also our ex-classmate n SP MR.SBM tis year -.-"..my sec4 class haf a total of 5 couples already la..thats like 1/4 of the class wah lauz..n its onli 1/2 of the class dat are still in regular meetings..mr yap,save us!!maybe mr.yap shud reserve his marriage money for us instead of himself wahaha..tats a mean thought hmz..i shall blog abt tis another day,i shall go n conk myself out now..lights out!~

Average Siti

2005-03-05T23:10:00.000+08:00

I'm juz average..n sometimes i dunno if i like it tat way..*shrugs*..maybe sometimes i'm too lazy to take that 'effort' to stand out..then again,maybe i juz dun haf that X-factor to stand out n be appreciated..so sad right..

juz watched the 'azam' (ambition) show on suria while i was tryin to watch 'spirited away' which was in chinese.sub/jap language..saw my ex-schoolmate on tv..he's now takin a double diploma in child psychology n somethin else..so smart right..n he had lousy psle scores but he did well in his sec 5 exams..so the whole show was abt him n how he climbed out of the dirty well to do well in sec.sch life n now in RP la..made me feel so average..then they showed clips of our sec.sch n i was like 'wat the hell is dat place?how come i dun recognise?'..hha,it showed how long i havent been back la..some more interviews n b-rolls of him n his achievements n how he got thru it all..i dun feel like writin properly la so i'm juz blahh-ing without tinkin straight..gd for him,he was a nice guy though i dun really noe him that well..*shrugs*at least,he blossomed into an achiever..congrats..made me feel like an underachievin idiot -.-!

fine,i'm being sore here but yea tats wat i am la ar-underachieving idiot..even though i survived jc wif a full cert,its worth nothin coz now i'm in nyp..not that i'm not happy la..but then hor,yesterday the a'level results came out n of course,this year batch had to do better than the previous year..n meridien jc was the glamour jc for the media coz they produced five students wif straight a's n also because its the first batch taught by teachers fresh out of NIE..more congrats..n they had to show malay guys grinnin away wif their perfect scores..made me feel more like an idiot..haiz,i am an idiot-cant deny tat..n i dun see PJC anyway la,wat happen?oh ya,i still need to sms my friends for their results..

then i went to read rachel's and eve's blogs n they were chosen to get awards for sbm day..wah,so gd,sincere congrats u ppl..haiz,now i really am The idiot..somehow i'm not that outstandin or smart enuf for anythin la from sec.sch to jc to nyp..err,except for some taekwondo medals n mediocre stuff..i always seemed to do better on the sidelines..maybe coz i preferred it tat way?coz i dun haf that confidence to like Shine n be the star of my parents' eyes..considerin i am their onli hope,i dun seemed to do them proud..i'm disappointed in myself haiz..but i dun want to push myself to be someone who i am not..like the Top student or ms.congeniality or ms.universe coz i can never be like dat la lol..hmz..

Bleah,i shall juz be me..underachiever n an average girl..too average sometimes hee...

The pix says it all,dont it?

2005-03-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

The pix says it all...

Wahaha,i'm going mad woohoo..i feel like turning cartwheels but my flexible skills are rusty liaoz..lalalala,i tink i'm going a bit siao Yay..finally learnt how to upload pics to HERE..yippee..feel like singing the Waterboys theme song but i dunno how..jasper played that song on thursday when he was playing that game in Xzone arcade where got alot of stuff to hit one..i tink its the drum set game/machine or something..n i went like 'hey,its the waterboys theme song!'..must let him watch,its damn farnie lor..hmmz,maybe i shall watch later too..but first up must watch 'spirited away' vcd which i borrowed from Meemum,n the 'le papillon'(the butterfly) which i finally bought on wed..yayy..i'm feelin a bit mad..maybe its a slow psychological effect on me due to the sadness i've been hiding deep inside..but i'm not sad now leh..maybe i AM finally going crazy..tada!Quack quack!

2005-03-05T20:21:00.000+08:00

Quack quack!

Misery;Stay away from ME!

2005-03-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

Read lihui's blog in the last few mins n realised tat wat she said is super true la(ur so smart!)..In this world where reality knocks the back of our heads too often,causing us to trip n fall,we shud juz turn around n knock it back wif a smile...I guessed i've been a victim of misery too much (so much for being an optimistic girl) but i guessed i've succumbed far too often to the harshness of reality to really have fun..AS compared to others,i noe i'm not that fun la ar sorri..must be due to growin old hee..:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Anyway,the past week has been a busy irritating as hell week la..i gave up countin the no.of presentations we haf n thank gdness that tis week i am Up n well enuf to fight the battles alongside my group..if i had been as sick as last week,i tink i'll juz die n rot in bed n desert them..but thank god,i'm better now physically..

I guessed wat gets me goin was the first presentation which was IP which i screwed myself up la coz i tok too slow n my nervousness caught up wif me so much that we overrun alot..i'm sorry people >.
Monday-IP presentation n then the bomb dropped on us wif the voice of rachel; 'Can we redo the entire photo montage thing?coz i felt that its not good enough'..n kk went like 'i haf one qn..U crazy ah?..tat was really the bomb la..n seriously i felt that rachel is snapping if she has to work wif us for one more project..that sentiment was felt all ard us 3 n it was real solid proof wif that whole 'redoing' thing..but like nice ppl,we agreed though we let syaz off coz he had to redo the storyboard which he lost..Monday was also the finance test which i can really add up the marks i tot i can get..which is like less than all my 10fingers put together..Oh ya,Monday was The idiotic Day where it starts off wif the Whole class turnin up for vc's tutorial onli to realise it was canceled -.-. That day also ended with us watching an Idiotic movie aptly titled 'Jackass' by Dickhouse productions..n other idiotic stuff happened which i had blogged b4...

Tuesday-results of the finance test came back n whoa,i actually managed to pass pretty well..whoa,it was a Huge miracle..No presentations..eh wait,we got the kannan presentation which she gave us That creepy smile of hers..it was obvious that from the start to the end,she still dun agree wif my group's news bulletin..well,take it or leave it la ar,we did our best for u even if she find it total bull.

Wednesday was the day when we tot we had VC lecture n it was canceled while everyone was making their way to school. So we got Tricked by her Twice in a week(thats an awesome feat. comin from someone like her to ppl like our class la!)..but had to come to sch because we had agreed to redo the photo thingy..At tis pt of time when i had the option to go home(i was at toa payoh) or go sch,i was a little pissed off that i had to choose the latter Just Because We had to REDO the montage when we dun haf to lah..

But the day turned out great wif the company of Jiali n KK as we 3 had the Free time off to take the photos. We went Cityhall n Esplanade n walked the entire round of the river all the way back to Cityhall station after we had dropped by Funan..tats like a HUGE round la..along the way,we dropped by the esplanade where kk got his frog pouch n we slacked at the library reading scripts n magazines because it was raining outside..that was pretty nice.i finished readin the scripts for 1)Ever After,2) The Matrix 3) Romeo & Juliet. Damn cool la but i couldnt find Miss Congeniality one >.
Evenin time came n we went to sungei rd flea market where khairiyah called n decided to join us but she got lost somehow..typical..n kk left us soon after..so we 3 went to suntec to take photos of the fountain of Wealth....there,i took on the role of logistics n took care of the bags while they took photos ..my camera is a lousy one tat cant take pictures at night v.well so i sat down at the bench..then after awhile i got bored so i laid down at the bench n refused to move..there was an old cheekopek man nearby who was watchin those 2 so we finally left soon after..but it was damn fruitful cum fun day..too bad syaz n rach were caught up wif sch activities dat day..

so thursday was the photo montage presentation n it was time pressing coz rachel hated our chosen song coz she found it negative, n jiali love it n she wasnt in that nice mood to explain to rach why..anyway,fast forward the group 'i' drama la ar..eventually we found the original song we wanted to use for our first montage n all is well again..Hey,can anyone burn the photo montage for me?i wanna see it again,thanks!..n thursday nite was also the nite my contact (jeremy lim;he's damn smart!) replied me..i'm saved!!!!!!!

so eventually today finally arrived..n like i had blogged earlier,the curtains came down n everything ends quite nicely..will miss Ms.sharon pereira;she's like the best part time lecturer after or on par wif lionel chok la..unlike Some Woman lecturer who is too "industrialised" and a stickler to rules bleaah,she actually made lessons fun n enjoyable..esp wif her beetle docu.which i rewatched on nat.geo two nights ago..my mum thought that ms.pereira was the wife of That young beetle competitor who went to name his Firstborn 'Little Beetle'..no mum,she was the first assistant director n not the pregnant wife lol!!

yea,n everyone was like noticeably tired n drained out during raphael lee's presentation..mi too..i was feelin kinda down n depressed on the journey home,but i bought the charcoal n po chai pills for mum for her food poisonin saga these two days..n bro finally dragged her to the doctor which is no easy task la..i missed monkey..but at least we're on talkin terms n went out to watch 'hitch' yesterday nitez..it was fun..but it was heartbreakin coz he still tot i'll give up my religion for him..i'm sorry,i cant n i wll not.hope u understand ..v.v

I'm back!

2005-03-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

Yoyoyoyo yo yo..me back yay!!PIka!!!

N the curtains finally came down for SEmEster 2 woohooo..been a trying one tis time around but i hope i did better than last sem..it seemed more fruitful n busy n basically,its an emotional rollecoaster ride both for myself n the group arrr..Thanks for everything guys,its been awesome working with all of you..like i said,it was one big rollercoaster ride-tears,laughter,anger,sweat,rainy,sunny-we all went thru it n hopefully,all of us emerged just fine..If i can do it all over again,i wont mind really..its been damn fun la ^^

N though i'm still v.much shocked n saddened by my sudden split wif my monkey,at least we're still on talkin terms..i guessed both of us are juz shocked it ended suddenly when we knew we cant haf a future together unless one of us back down n converts..*frowns*i really hope he understand y i will not give up my religion for the sake of love..when i watched the vcd 'windstruck' where the 2 protagonists are separated by life n death, i felt that being separated from monkey is a waste of time when both of us are obviously alive n kicking..but then,reality kicks in hard n takes the wind out of our stomachs. until now,still on the recovery path..

When the innocence of love has been lost,its hard to restart everything n believed that love can work out n that one can haf a happily ever after..When i realised that even love cant change his mind to convert for now or ten years down the road, i guessed we suddenly realised that we has reached the end,no matter how much we still want to go down the road further/longer hopefully foreva..Its a horrible feeling; to know that Love can still go on for us both, But it comes with the cost of My religion which i'll never give up..Sometimes when i'm sad or feelin lonely without him,i feel that Temptation to give up just like he has done to his..like he said,its not that bad..but i know i cant live without a religion...like wats the pt of being wif him n so in love when spiritually i'll be lost n miserable coz i lost that faith tat comes wif having a religion..so i guessed its the end..

Then again,i still believed (no matter how false the hopes are) tat hopefully one day he'll open his heart to A religion even if its not mine..Like the movie Hitch where one character, Albert Brenaman, a hopeless accountant. in love wif his boss who doesnt noe he exist till he consulted Hitch..All he wants is for her to be happy, even if she can never be wif him..Thats wat i want for monkey;to be happy..wif or without me..From the start to the end,all i want is for him to find happiness be it in the arms of his love, or anywhere else..but i hope one day he'll find that true happiness that comes wif having a religion...until dat day,i'll wait..Maybe that day will never come,but hey,i'm an optimistic girl always..though my birth date in the arabic calendar said otherwise..

Tis is a heartbreakin entry.i shall end here.but i'm ending wif a brave smile pika!

Its never fair,but why...?

2005-03-01T20:30:00.000+08:00

Its not fair!
its NOT fair..
its seriously NOT fair
I noe nobody said anything is Fair
but tis is seriously not fair..
i'm being childish here but so what
nobody teach nobody how to grow up n deal wif it
we all juz 'deal with it'..well,define 'deal'

Its not fair we haf to split when we still haf so much love
its not fair when its obvious its only each other dat we want
its that simple..yet its not..
we tried to make it simple,it almost seemed like it
but in the end,we failed too..for reality struck us dat very nitez
no hope..no future..y together..so goodbye
when its so obvious we dont wan to let each other go in the 1st place
we still dont la..

Yesterday i hurt n i cried n i healed n i smiled
n earlier,i tot i had been strong once more
but now i crumbled

yesterday he was in 1 piece n he was strong n i was not
yet today is the other way round
n now, both of us stumbled without each other shadows to lean upon
we could easily be together once more
its dat easy..coz we still love each other the same..
except for the distances
nothing really change..
but everything has..changed,tat is..

That nite,the sea quietens while we made our minds to split
it was so eerie, like its listenin to our conversation
the breakin of our hearts echoes the silence ard us..
which was weird,coz before tat it was super noisy..brr..

i guessed reality woke us up in really weird timings
when we tot our love is so strong we can overcome anything
but then its so strong tat its hurtin both of us
coz the only thing we ever want
is to come back to each other
n forgo reality n logic
like in the movie theatre
where we paid $8.50 to suspend reality
for that few hours in alternate realities of the 'movieworld'
n for that few hours..tats all we are askin for once more..
its that simple
but it'll never be..

maybe..if our love has been as strong as we had tot in the first place, y didnt it overcome the thing that set us apart from the v.beginning..our religions.

Ray of sunshine

2005-03-01T11:21:00.000+08:00

N the ray of sunshine finally peeped in thru my life's window...for its not juz about me:),its abt u n everyone else...its no fun being tied down by misery n heartbreak n at the unfairness of it all..so i shall look beyond, like i had told monkey on saturday nitez

siti:' its not about looking at the restrictions imposed upon us by religion...its about lookin at them as a form of guidelines..n to look Beyond those rules, n simply live by it..its not that hard,but nobody says it was simple either...

I guessed i've been bloggin too much abt restrictions n religions n my confusion thru it all...i guessed its time to stop la..there are so many stuff left undone, n to be grievin at tis time is just like inappropriate la..i mean, i sorta 'screwed' up the Ip presentation coz i was too nervous..Now juz haf to look forward to endin all the presentations n gettin down to real studying...like monkey had said, dont let down my studies juz coz of him right...n i made him promise the same thing la..

in a way, he still plays a big part in my life cos dats how i want it to be ..i dont want him to just go away coz besides being my monkey, he is after all a friend before..n a very gd one too...Like i had told norisha, if anythin happens to us, we are after all, friends before n lovers after right..so its not fair to throw everything away..

gtg..*smiles*

Y i wasnt meant for you...

2005-03-01T01:11:00.000+08:00

"Someday We'll Know"(feat. Jonathan Foreman)

[Mandy] Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can’t stop driving I don’t know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind

[Jonathan] Whatever happened to Amelia Earheart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?

[Both] Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Oh, Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...

[Mandy] Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
[Jonathan] Or what the wind says when she cries?
[Mandy] I’m speeding by the place that I met you
[Both] For the ninety-seventh time...Tonight

Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Someday we’ll know

[Jonathan] Why Samson loved Dealilah?
[Both] One day I'll go
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon
[Both] Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....

[Both] Open up the world
[Mandy] I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
[Jonathan] Watched the stars crash in the sea
[Mandy] If I can ask God just one question
[Both] Why aren’t you here with me tonight?

Oh, Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why Samson loved Delilah
[Both] One day I'll go
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon
[Both] Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....

Loving an atheist;Day 2 of hurt

2005-03-01T00:14:00.000+08:00

chey,wat i've written is now gone liaoz coz i didnt managed to save it when my comp hanged..sometimes i wonder y am i putting up with tis ancient comp which has been troubling n givin mi new definitions of 'technological rage' everytime it crashes on me..it must have been love..-.-!

Anyway,i was bloggin about the five letter word 'IDIOT' which personified my day at school today la from the very beginnin to the end which ended coincidentally with an 'idiotic' movie called 'Jackass'..which was made on a 640k/64 k budget(mr azhar cant decide how many zeroes there are) n grossed much more profits that its kinda gross?..Anyway,the idiot started with me of course who scared 2 sbm students earli in the mornin juz coz i want to borrow their landyard for Vc's class..which was cancelled n the whole class DUNNO(wow!)..n i barged into ms wendy's office to ask her if she got spare landyard n she went like 'nooooooooo.of course not.ask the admin office'..anyway,it was a very long idiotic day at school..n itwas full of idiotic stuff..stuff like Mr.sesh bargin into the lift when mi n syaz n the rest of the sbm students are inside Not wearin our landyards..n he forced us ppl to Hold the life open..he Commanded us to hold the lift open while he qn n lectured us until we put on..O.O boy,that was scary..i actually tot i'll get debarred..If u tink vc is scary when it comes to not wearin landyards,here comes her Boss!..

Anywy,i didnt end up goin home after sch..was on my own tryin to recuperate n heal..actually, i was on my own trying to run away from something..but i realised that something was me..yea,it was deep inside me..i was tryin to run away from myself..n i knew no matter how far i go,i cant run so i 'ran' somewhere nearby la..i went to PS..went to eat coz i had no appetite for the whole day..then i managed to write some crap..then i went somewhere..then i went cityhall..went to HMV n listened to disney songs..played phil collins 'no way out' brother bear soundtrack like 4 times..the song aptly described me for now..then i saw the 'le papillon' VCD..which i had rented b4 n i found it pretty nice ar..then i saw 'Windstruck' vcd n i got torn btw the 2..i ended up buying 'windstruck' coz it brought back special memories ... maybe i'll buy 'le papillon' some other days ar..by then it was already 724pm..juz nice to head down to FOW..

where i sat there on my own..juz sat n stared n pondered n cried n stopped n stared n pondered some more...tink back to the last time i went there was during fastin mth when monkey was being childish n made mi felt like givin up the relationship..dat time,i had my best friend since sec sch to comfort me..juz now,i had nobody..n i didnt want anyone anyway wif mi..i juz want to be alone..so i sat there till like 930pm..enuf time to ponder n stared n cried n heal n hurt n eventually smiled..coz i knew monkey is safely home n he's takin it better than mi..if he can be strong,so can i..*hugs*..while i was learnin all tis thru his smses..the song 'miss u like crazy' by the moffatts came on..n i was like 'oh shit' n so i flowed like the FOW ..but then i stopped n dried up coz my 'strength' n optimism came back la..knowing that monkey is not takin it so hard(but he's into self-denial rather)..n he's askin mi not to take it so far tat it'll affect my studies,somehow i felt comforted by his 'strength' n eventually made my way home..

In fact,i got home in a better mood than i had been durin the weekend..my niece n nephew were around n i played ard wif the youngest one..somehow,i got irritated by the elder 2 whu persist to take my comp.games home which i had already allowed them so many times but its only their father stopppin them wat,not me..then i went to wash my striped blue shirt n discovered i got a big hole at the side..shitt..like jiali said 'go figure'..

anyway,monkey is dealing it as he usually does..play comp.games n not tink abt it..he told mi being single has its perks after all..like not goin thru all the hurt we kena..so i asked him 'does that mean u regret our time together?coz i had never did n i never will..n he said dunno la..*pained*..wateva la..juz grin n bear it ..Time is the only factor that is making all of tis painful...Time after school is also horrible coz we'll be without each other unless we plan to meet up for something..n he's still not sure if he wants mi in his life as a friend..like he said,'lets not tink abt it'..yea,lets not tink abt it *brave smile*..

Anyway,here's my crap i wrote after my dinner..alone..

I'm tryin to run away
-from the pain that is engulfin me
-from the fact tat we were not meant to be
I'm tryin to run away..into self-denial
To look for my rose-tinted glasses
& to find back the innocence of love i tot i've found
Trying to run away,far far away..
To rid of MY world n of all its pain
But then,i came across a mirror
n i see that i had not move at all.

Tryin to free me while i am freeing him
trying to erase the hurt that i'd caused him
tryin to erase the memories of us together
tryin to dis-engage myself from the pain
the hope,the love..everytin in btw..

wat the hell,tis is damn crap..

N now i'm waiting
waiting for what i'll nvr b sure
waiting for something thats out of my reach
waiting for him to come back
& all the while waiting for the pain to go away
I'm juz waitin for everythin to end
the pain,the heartache ..everything
but maybe,i'm juz waiting
for my wait to end..

SOmetimes i feel i'm waitin for nothing
just waitin for death n for whiteness
for everything to end n be gone
wait for him to move on
only then can i make my own move
waitin..for his pain to end
while waitin for my pain to consume me
waitin for my everthin to turn into nothing
till he comes back
n colour my world once more..

gee,i winced juz readin my own crap..after 2 years without lit,tis is wat i had been reduced to..it hurts.

Day 1 of hurt;Loving an atheist

2005-02-27T22:28:00.000+08:00

This morning, i asked my religious teacher y does some muslims chose to be an atheist n 'murtad'(out of religion) themselves...she told mi that in malaysia, there is actually a formal process of writing n signing a document to state ur officially out of religion...i asked her, where will they be buried when they die then...she replied 'not in the muslim cemetery for sure'..n she added "'its very sad so we must take precautions not to 'murtad' ourselves..even if we kid around or said it out of a script, its still considered 'murtad' "..

Anyway,i respect his decision n he dun understand mine..he sees religions as big restrictions in a life that is meant to be lived n to be enjoyed to the fullest..he sees religions as additions of more unnecessary rules than the rules of the universe/singapore that already exists..though i pleaded with him to see Beyond the rules n that the religion serves more for us to lead the 'right' path n guide us throughout our lives, he still didnt comprehend..maybe he never will...n i respect tat...

So i'm waddling thru day 1 of hurt of loving an atheist..i wonder how many days more i'll have to endure...how many days more must i grin n bear n said 'i'll be ok' n i'll survive coz i am alive ...for there are umpteen moments tat i wish i'll survive no more n juz like,be gone...coz it'll b so much easier..so much easier....

Yesterday,deep in my heart i knew i'll be a v.angry girl..i'll be angry at myself most..n i'll be angry at y this must happen when it has to end tis way..i tot i'll be angry at god coz y must tis happen when he knew the end..i tot i wont go for religious class coz i'll be too angry over my decision of choosing my religion over love...but then i'm not angry at god,coz its not his fault..its mine...for loving an atheist...a strong-believer atheist also..ironically,it strengthens my faith in my religion..though it breaks mi in every other way

its also 1 day nearer to the day that i'm wishin for to come true ..look on the bright side..:D:D:D:D..a day...that'll never come...har,wat the hell...

'loving an atheist'
'waiting for a day that seems impossible to arrive'
'i'll be waiting...in vain..but at least it gives me hope'..

false hope,har...bleahh

The universal question of 'why'

2005-02-26T23:58:00.000+08:00

Why..WHY..?!Whyy..if its god's will,whY?..

In my culture/religion,it is never encouraged or gd to ask 'why'..it is like almost blasphemous to defy god's words or challenge the maker who had made us whom we are today..so i shall not ask y...

instead,i shall go the other angle..Rules..Religion..y must there be laws n y must there be religions..Yea,we all know we need to obey the laws to restore the natural balance btw gd n bad, justice n evil..we need to obey s'pore laws so we wont land in jail..without laws, there'll be disorders n chaos on earth..y must we haf religion then?y must we fight religion against religion just coz we think our religion is the Right one...its a sad sad world out there, n it hurts each individual of both religions..so isnt it better to be religion-less..?its almost *syirik for me to say or even contemplate this..no,i am not and had never contemplate givin up my religion..but how do ppl who haf given up theirs feel abt it?do they feel 'free'?..do they feel liberated..do they feel lost?..i'm just wondering...for those who are atheists,y do they feel strongly against following a religion...y do they need to feel that 'freedom' that noone n nobody n no god will be able to control your destiny..even if it may end up costing ur loved ones like ur friends n families?..is it really 'freedom' these ppl feel...*Sorri if i step on any toes of any atheists readin this*..

Being born a muslim, religion has always been a part of me..its a part of who i am..its a part i can never give up no matter wateva it may cost me...no matter how much it hurts mi..anyway,i shall end coz i'm feelin too tired n a lil sick to my stomach...

Last line of surah al-kafirun(The Non-islamic ppl) in the al-quran: 'N u go with your religion, n i'll go with mine...'

2005-02-26T00:27:00.000+08:00

Like Crush the turtle goes..'and you go WHOA..then you go Whoa...and then u were like whoa..x.x'..thats how i went ...after taking the muscle relaxant pills for my stiff neck...No wonder i felt so strange..like i'm feelin drunk but not drunk..coz i dunno how its like to B drunk actually..n its like i'm feelin high but then i'm not that high coz everything ard mi is on slow mode,incl. myself..n yea,i could still think so i wasnt that high to begin with..but its like i can poke anythin n it'll bounce back to me that kinda feel..err..wat am i tokin abt..now my brain has gone WHOA..X.x.

n it took mi 2 days to realise that..dotz..n it has to hit mi during raphael's class when i frantically took out my medicine to see if there's anything drowsy that i had ate..Total:None..but i was still going whroar..then i saw the words 'muscle relaxant'..n i was ohhh..n whoaa..y the hell am i still eating that anyway i asked myself..ANswer:no idea..NO wonder la...

So went home after buyign dinner for my mum(i luv to buy her dinner coz it means she wants to eat the dinner la..n her meals arent that regular anyway..*hugs*)..did my evening prayer while all the time i was goin 'whoar..'n i wonder if my prayer can actually be accepted with That medicine in my bloodstream n turning my head inside out..so after tat i conked out...till 1205..whoaa..i woke up at midnite:D..coz mum dragged mi out off bed to ask mi eat my dinner..

which i still haf no appetite for..sadly or fortunately, after the demam saga earlier this week my appetite had gone down alot!..hopefully,if it stayed that way,i can lose some wt hha..On the way out of school, a tkd member stared at me n went like 'u from tkd right'..n i was like 'yea..bye!' so nonchalantly ..i had wanted to add 'yea..n like no,i've quitted' hha..he wasnt wearing any gee either so maybe he skipped too..bad boy..junior belts shouldnt skip,they've got so much to learn..as for me,i shud juz go back to a junior belt la ar..my black belt becomin white with all the dust collected from my drawer anyway:D..

haiz..no tkd..no more sch aikido too..must make effort to go down tanglin to train N to get my results..dawn already got hers(congrats girl,u deserved it..actually u deserved a double!)..haiz..didnt go out wif monkey coz he was bz with his project so i went home straight to get rid of me feelin 'whroarr..'..i already felt bad enuf i cut yesterday's date short coz i was still going 'whoaa' n at tat time,i couldnt figure out y yet la..so mean..tis week is like the first week we spent time apart more than together..so sad..:'(..i hope tis wont continue though..or we'll get too caught up tat we dont want to spend time together..*sighs*..

on the way home,i started thinkin of all the 'promises' i had made him..n all the 'promises' he had remember even if i didnt remember..n i tot,wat if there's promises i made but couldnt remember....i noe i didnt remember askin him to make those roses for mi but he did..*scratch head* .. i noe i promised him to buy the shirts for us two, n i did for his bday..he was so happi*pleased*though it wasnt same design or colours but its like a 'pair shirts' that kind..n i promised him i want to get a cargo pants but till now,havent find the right Size or Price yet..cargo pants can b so damn ex la..i shall save up juz to buy a gd quality one just for him..hmz..y cant i be like him n 'make' him somethin like he alwys do for me..the materialistic gene in me juz go 'buy,buy,buy'..but making somethin is more sincere..hmm.but then hor,if i make stuff for him,he'll probably criticise it coz his handiwork n cutlery skills are Better than mine..haizzz

anyway,i've stopped goin 'whoa' after my nap..n i stll havent find ppl to interview for my report abt the elderly or the disabled n their grudges with takin public buses yet..cham la..anyway,better get back to touchin up my blogskin which i changed within a few mins b4 the last class started juz now :D..cya~!

Shooting stars...

2005-02-25T15:46:00.000+08:00

Team Rose
Anywhere you wanna go,
Anything you need to know,
All the best in life,
I want to get it for you.

Baby, I just feel so fine.
I imagine that you?re mine.
In my world you?re gold.
I only want to protect you.

Whatever I want I get.
I want shooting stars.
Whatever I need I have.
When I?m with you.

Follow me inside, outside, through the stratosphere.
The moon is shining for you.
It knows that I adore you.
Suddenly all the sadness will just slip away.
And you will see what I mean,
If you just follow me in my dreams.

I was searching everywhere.
Suddenly I saw you there.
And my love arrived, just in the nick of time.
Life floats on a movie screen.
You?re the star of my scene.
Live on the edge of a knife,Larger than life!
Whatever I want I get.
No one can take your place.
Whatever I need I have.
When I see your face.

Follow me inside, outside, through the stratosphere.
The moon is shining for you.
It knows that I adore you.
Suddenly all the sadness will just slip away.
And you will see what I mean,If you follow me in my dreams. (2x)

Freaking boring day

2005-02-23T17:21:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored..worse still,there's nobody online i could chat with..wonder why i am still on then...harrrrrrrrrrr..arggh..i'm so irritatingly bored..n sad..for he is still respondin to me like a stranger..-hurts-..

I'm so bored but there's a million other thing i could do..i could write azhar's article abt the guest speaker session which i had mc-ed myself..but at least got the notes from roshi but i havent open yet..it gives mi a strange feelin to write abt the guest speaker when i wasnt around in the first place..But at least,i finished the movie review thing..my Lit knowledge has served me well..even in movies..but then hor,i wonder if the layman on the street reading it will understand..should be bah..i didnt write it so chim..i think:D..if only i can write a lit essay on the movie,it'll be damn cool la..lemme try..urgh,my literal translation of it sux..i had deleted it of course so as not to humiliate myself as an ex-lit student..this movie is highly recommended for lit.fanatics like Addy but beware of its subconscious meanings behind it..the truth hurts,and reality stinks..whats worse..there is no woodsman to protect little children from the harms of Man and society alike. There is no woodsman to cut open the wolves' stomachs and bring them out safely without any scratches...

Kevin Bacon starred as Walter, an ex-paedophile whose past continually haunts him throughout the movie. Bacon manages to turn the emotions of the audience from feeling disgusted at the most controversial character of society, into one that evokes sympathy that an ex-paedophile is after all, a mere human being with his own failures and weaknesses after all. This movie takes a hard look at our critical society which is quick to condemn anyone who sidetracked from the boundaries that Man has set in stone. It made us reviewed our judgment at those who had fallen through the cracks of society and at our unforgiving rationales towards them.

wateva la hhaha..my lit is so lannnnn..:D:D:D..i gave myself an F..

Whateva...

2005-02-23T14:43:00.000+08:00

4 days of not seeing him n he turned up with a black face coz i supposedly msged him during his common tests..who asked him not to switch off his phone?Like i had done it intentionally huhh..only 4 days of lookin fwd to see him,n he turned out like a stranger..after almost a year together,i wonder y..y is he so cold to me?is it juz coz of the smses or is there something else..y he pushed me when i wanted to cry on his shoulder..i cannot fathom..maybe its the beginnin of the end..if its god's will,then its fate i guessed..for him,for me..for us together or apart..Maybe it was never meant to be..just me and my blind delusional eyes leading me to a nowhere path..But we made up soon after ..yet he knew i was sick n i was havin gastric pain..yet he made me walked on my own at that deserted stretch of road..Only when i told him that then he had followed behind very slowly..does he even care wat may happen to me?does he even tink of mi anymore when it seemed his common tests n his ego seemed to be pushing me out of his life..doesnt sound logical or does it..

N my dad..wat the hell..i blogged so many time tat he doesnt seemed to care..you know wat?its true..why?coz this morning when i was in bed,the first thing he came home n asked mi was NOT 'are you ok?how're you doing"...No,the first thing he asked me was...'Have you paid your school fees with the money i've given you?'..You are so Caring dad that it HUrts!when i replied no..he walked away with this 'what is gonna happened to you n ur life..' n muttered away incoherently coz i fell asleep but not without hearin that Beautiful phrase..what kind of Dad are u sia..u dont care abt ur daughter but u cared more whether i had paid the sch fees..why?are u scared i'll use ur money in some other way?if u had care enough, u'll haf put the money in the Giro where the sch can withdraw easily right?if u had care enough,you would have gone down to the school n Pay yourself coz u know i am Sick n not that reliable at the moment!I am the only one daughter n the only child u can depend on..can u give me a break when i am not feelin well like now?hello,i know enuf not to use your money n spend it away lah duh!givemi some credits will you..STop comparing me with your Sister n other ppl who got themselves pregnant n went thru a Shotgun Marriage Coz i AM not THEM n i will never BE ok!Stop comparing me with all the shitty malay idiots out there who sleep and drink n fuck n flirt around coz i am not one of THEM,unless u want me to BE!U noe wat..if u continue thinkin of me like dat,maybe i WIL BE n DONT U REGRET IT coz then,your comparisons now will have some elements of truth right?!I am sick,n you cared more abt where ur money is going to..wat kind of Father are you?!

Its enuf Ur are hurtin mum n takin her money when u shouldnt coz UR the ONE who's workin in this Family so can you please stop using Mom's Money n start showin us Where all YOUR hard earned Money has gone to?u work day n nite which stretches into days that we hardly see you..n u still had no money to give us..worse,u made Mum used her CPF money when she could use it for herself??ANyway,when u got ur CPF money,i dont tink u'll Give it to us even a single cent right?Whateva..i hate bloggin abt you n your role as a father n a provider..coz simply,you havent been one at all!..

Feeling colourful

2005-02-21T15:45:00.000+08:00

Feeling blue...green and while...and yellow...bleahh..to be sick is never a good feeling...whats worse is feelin sick n never seemed to get better..Bleaah..it had to be today tat i missed school..n the 2 blardy tests..n the talk..n the final IP ica..i am so dead..i'm halfway there since i'm feelin like one deady girl anyway...

Just finished updating the timings for the 3 day shootings dat we had..it was blardy confusing n irritating coz every new 'day' had a different timing since they all started from 00:00:00..so had to slowly calculate n count n added them all so they made sense..actually,in the end oso nvr made sense one..but at least it started from 00:00:00 to 21:++:++ so we can actually knew we used onli 21mins of tape..i think la..anything,just shoot mi..i dont think mr.lee n ms pereira will actually bother to count the seconds of everything that we shot right??..wateva la..

So now i need to find my paper for the 'incredible living space' show that we watched on friday..but i cant figure out where i stuff it la so well..Stuff it la!n i realised i missed 2 SSL quizzes so i can see like zero for my CP already lor..i haf yet to ask her abt the first one:D..the only thing i remembered doing was the yahoo thingy..n i still havent submit the SSL article coz i was away for a doctor's appt on thursday morning..blah blah blah..cant wait for the sem to end ....cant wait to see the END of Scriptwriting Module n the END of the horrible teachers in That module..two bloody arrogant idiots from the Industry..big toot la..As compared to Lionel chok our freelancer lecturer,these 2 paled in experiences but deepened in big shit arrogance n nothingness..Conclusion:i dont tink i learn much or was impressed by much of their lessons...n i had expected alot more FUN from this module or at least something interesting..C'mon la,i juz came across my niece P2 textbook who taught her that 'EVERY STORY HAS A BEGINNING, A MIDDLE AND AN END'..hmz,dat sounds familiar..i tink i learnt it in my SEM 2 SCRIPTWRITING MODULE thx to a certain Woman who thinks we're dumbasses who cant seem to give her what she wants..when she dont even noe what she wants..KNS..hmz,fits her name..

Vc module is another boliaoz one whu teach us that human skills in managing people cannot be taught so i dunno why she is teachin us la..stuff like the control process but u cant really control ppl coz then,you'll have employee resistance n so u must constantly pat them on the backs n make them feel involved..like duh?SSL's module is impt to know so that i wont get fired or sued in the future due to all the copyrights n licensing stuff..so tat we can protect our asses n our work too..which is v.important so its ok la..but she always turn up in class like a tipsy woman...one day,i fear that she'll trip n topple over the cables....AV?AV is fun la but i'm no technical girl so i'm pretty adverse to handling the camera n its pretty obvious la..y then i was put logistics for the news bulletin n AP for the NYP Buzz that day during the auction:D..Journalistic is ok..its the only module where i dont mind learning what is to be learnt coz when it comes to writing,i dont mind at all..Finance..err...can say Interesting but COnfusing so thx gdness for a super dear lecturer we haf called Wendy Wong..every student under her will learn abt her 'wendy's cake shop' which i think she shud open also..

Y am i tokin abt all of those of the above...coz i'm bored n sick n tired n this sem has been hot n draggy thx to the weather n some of the idiotic lecturers whu luv to made us hot under the collar n screwed our brains coz they dunno how to unscrew theirs..Yea,i cant wait for this sem to end..the only thing i realised is the "elective" module my friends n i took during the whole course of this sem-playing with poker cards..Like lihui said,by the end of this sem,we'll learn at least 3 games..hmz..we learnt More from this "module"than some of our real modules lor!!.."-.-!!!Even Roshidah has proliferated from daidee to stress to hearts..congrats!!:D..

Anyway,i missed my monkey..3 days n countin without seeing him..if i go for my jc gatherin tomorrow,it'll probably be 4 days of not seeing him..n if i go for the wednesday gatherin too(i dunno for what also that one)it'll be 5 days..its almost a week...*sad*..Anyway,shall continue searching for that piece of paper abt the incredible living space..*away*

Cartoons' cartoons..

2005-02-16T02:24:00.000+08:00

mama has a chicken, mama has a cow..dad is pleased but he dunno why..Cow&chicken..

Y cant life be a cartoon..y cant the world be a cartoon world..then every girl will find their prince charming and every story hasa happy ending..the day will be saved by either the ninja turtles, the power rangers or sugary sweet the powerpuff girls..captain planet oso can la..n the bad guys like mojojo,the bushes, osamas n the mad hussein can all fight it out inside their dirty jail cell wearing black n white stripey jail attire..Animals can talk n comfort humans..while it is true in real life that animals served as creatures of comfort in this uncertain, bad bad world..if only they can talk,it'll be much much more entertaining..If not animals,cute robots from the future can do also...i wont mind a doraemon around with me..i would love to have Pikachu! trailing after me..pika pika!!..And every tear shed can turn into a crystal n every kiss given will bring a loved one back to life..what an idealistic world it'll be..

Fine,i am being idealistic..not an ideal one in this world of so many knocks n bruises..y am i tokin abt cartoons..coz i juz watched snippets of Rugrats now at 2am in the morning..finally done with the news bulletin board which is done quite badly also coz i'm worn out..

Anyway,i sent my jc frennie's bf(who is also my friend)to the airport coz he's flying off to do his degree in Australia....had to rush from school to khatib to take the bus to the airport...all the while carrying a huge piece of styrofoam which broke a little in the bus la..ugh,my blood spilled out while i was walkin to the living room..cool but gross..reached the airport like twenty mins before he had to go..bumped into him b4 seein isabelle n he tot i was juz there passing by..n i was like..i'm here to see u off la dotz..

Anyway,realised All the frennies not there for they are supposedly busy with schoolwork n stuff..wateva la ar...isabelle was trying hard to hold back her tears la n she managed quite successfully..until he left..tried to comfort her but its quite hard with one hand carrying the humongous styrofoam n all..so juz hugged herfor awhile n let her cried her heart out ..at which point i also wanna cry la..shit..before that,i already felt teary-eyed n he's not even my boyfriend..told Yanjie the geography student that i felt like cryin n he replied that isabelle probably passed the sadness to me instead..-.-..

anyway,isabelle left wif her bf's sec school friends or jc? friends for she said she's takin a cab so she can be alone..to cry..waaah..cannot stand it,i wanna cry also..n i did lor,on my way back to t2 to take the mrt home..crazy me..i kept askin myself why..why am i crying when he's not even a close friend...most probably coz i envisioned how it'll feel like if i was in isabelle's shoes n monkey is the one leaving..i already dread the thought of him in ns..but to leave for overseas studies is ..will just kill me la....so i called monkey..

he was watchin 'police n thief' but was interrupted by my call..told him how i felt n what happened n all..n said if it was him leaving,i'll probably 'dieded' there at the airport..n his normal reaction..he went 'har har'..dotz..n i told him to cheer me up n he jus made that funny sound wif his tongue..which cracked me up ar..

*sighs*maybe when one grows old with age, one tends to get a bit overly emotional..someone told me that if u love a person or something so much, god'll taeke it away from that person..but the qn is, will he give them back..?its 254am now..shall go n conk myself out..gdnitez

isabelle,be strong..he'll return one day..like ur nick,it said how many 200 plus days left till seein him again??

me,stop cryin at other ppl's farewells..ur tears arenot needed or appreciated :p!

monkey?you're my angel..*smiles*

oh no!

2005-02-12T00:53:00.000+08:00

And a HUGE wave of sadness washed over me...the relationship that never is meant to happen,the love that never gets to bloom..the 'you' and 'i' that never means to be 'us' ever..the years of waiting for it to happen...however,destiny n fate is stronger..we will never be 'we' for once..foreva..so y cant u stop popping back into my life like an irritating commercial..yet one that never fails to bring back fond memories...DAMN..i am so darn hopeless sometimes...

The one whu teach mi that Love can Be just a friendly game..that no one has to get hurt if both of the parties noe the boundaries btw love n the line of breaking hearts..the love that can be simple n sweet n carefree juz coz both of us noe it is never meant to be,nor will it even started...the lines we always knew not to cross..Snapshots of simple memories of just us two..as friends..n that'll be all we know we can ever be...though sometimes i,maybe you too had hoped for something more...yet i also noe i deserved something better...n i noe its not in you..too bad..so sad..*shrugs*..thats y everyday i see my monkey,i noe he's dat 'something better'..though he taught mi that love can nvr be simple,he also taught so much more..n sometimes,its better loving a rough edge than being slipped over n tripped by a smooth eel of love..if u get wat i mean..i always knew i love a motorbiker more than someone with a smooth set of wheels..but too bad,i have none of that ever..not tat i'll haf anytime soon..not wif careful little monkey whu prefers a set of four wheels than two...

i missed the monkey..yes i do..coz its been 2days since CNY n today i ended so late as usual..n tomorrow i gotta buy a new phone so cant spend the day wif him much..if at all la..its v.rare these days tat we haf a full day juz to ourselves that kind so juz haf to make do wif wat we haf for now...seeing him everyday even for a second is enough of a blessin so i shall not complain..

Raihan came over yesterday n cried n tok her heart out abt her 'breakin' relationship..strangely,after she tok,she wasnt so mad at him n even called him to fetch him..hmm..she was explainin to me slowly n even showing mi pictures of her bf's "misdeeds" n ..v.strange..its enuf he lied to her for a year(thx gdness it wasnt somethin HUGE)..but the fact remains,he lied..n he tried to cover up wif stuff or shit that onli got thrown back at his face la..*shrugs*..photos are pictoral evidence,n she got it..n he tried to bluff his way out n got caught..wat is tis..seriously,i told her its enuf he lied to her for a year..he tried to bluff his way out for fear of hurtin her or makin her angry...like i ask her,is he Loving her or Fearing her more..hmz,the more i write it,the more bull it sounded so i shall stop writing..all the best to her...strangely enuf,though we are the best of friends, we dont seem to have gd opinions of each other's bfs much..i mean,monkey wif his hot-cold temper sometimes coz he tot he was being left out..n my friend's bf who's seemingly paranoid over his gf being ard other New guys..she said it though,the trust is there...i shall believe..though with a hint of doubt..Maybe like she said la,malay couples are like dat..*shrugs*i dunno,n i dont really care ..All i noe is that from the start,i wasnt always pleased with his "over-protectiveness'" and seemingly "jealousy" that he wants to spend the time wif her more than her spendin wif others..then treasure it la..

oh ya..no more liaoz..its 114am n i shall go n sleep...Happi birthday lihui!!

happi bday to u
happi bday to u
happi bday Dear Lihui!!!!
happi bday to u *hugs*

happi bday dear girl,hope u'll stay as happi n joyful n positive as always..so glad to have u in my life ever since the day we stepped into poly 2gether..um figuratively la..*hugs*!happy birthday!!

Freaking Bored

2005-02-10T01:23:00.000+08:00

SUch is the 1st day of CNY..so freakin bored for non-chinese like me living in a community made up of 70% chinese...coz most of the shops are closed..i shall not whine juz for the fact dear Norisha, my jc friend came over today to cure my boredom ^^!!

Havent seen much of her now that we're in diff. schs..but at least i saw more of her than any other jc friends of mine...we're juz not geographically near i guessed...thats a lame excuse:p..Ming,if ur reading this,are we still goin back to pj b4 u haf to fly off again?Anyway,i missed jc days, esp jc friends..like hanini n the frennies..norisha n mi were jokin abt how she used to tell us abt her stumbling upon her parents doing something...-.- but thats hanini la..the one wif the 7 siblings..dats like alot lor..but then again,maybe ppl livin in the west are less stressed to have sex more often hha..um,thats juz a baseless theory of mine..but jurong does have a larger family population n most families tend to 'migrate' there anyway..its a very family-friendly area i guessed..?

Anyway,today was a freakin boring day la..cant go anywhere much so norisha n me landed in toa payoh pizza hut where we yakked for an hour odd i think..with her,there's so much to yak about ^^..from sch to teachers to gay-guys to even crushes..*hugs*she's so yak-able..but wats impt is that she can yak so much coz she's so knowledgable too abt different diverse topics such as how Aids claim more lives than Sars n birdflu put together n how most ppl n the media are juz 'skipping' that fact sometimes coz it doesnt really affect us dat kind..then we tok abt how burma is increasing its vice activity in child prostituition and trafficking more than thailand had done..n the sad fact is, the situation is much worse than what we probably knew so far...those 'snakeheads' are inhumane..she dun understand y these countries (eg burma,thailand n philippines??) are havin so much political problems but i guessed it probably went waaaay back into history times..which both of us had not much knowledge of la..i mean,the last time i took history was in sec2..n she last took it in jc 1 first 3 mths..then i updated her on some news like Nepal closing all its telecommunication links coz of king gyanedra..wat amazed me was how his army is super loyal to him..its like doubtful esp since he's 'connected' some ways to his brother and nephew's murders few yrs back..

gee..its gp all over lor..missed gp a little..i mean,still do read the news la but hardly get to write about it much as we had done in gp essays...i missed writing essays(har,cant believe i said that!)..to write essays is to gauge how much knowledge u actually have grasped lei..Yesterday,i was reading the news then i felt the urge to like cut some of the topics like i used to do..such as the prime minister saying stuff abt the importance of family n how family planning consultations are increasing..its like..in gp,if ur able to get his quotes n other impt ppl quotes down on essays,u'll probably safe enuf to get a decent mark in gp la..:P..maybe i shud start doing that also..

Haaaaaaaa,i'm so bored i'm tokin abt gp wat the hell..oh yea,i got norisha hooked on 'stress' hahaha..now she'll probably go and 'stress' her friends out too..wats farnie was that she really got stressed playing it lol..then we played 2 rounds of daidee b4 she had to go..i tink i sorta distracted her from studying so she had to burn midnite oil tonitez >.<..so evil of me..:D..hmz,i wish i could study..hm,i shud start studyin for the upcomin vc test but without a textbook,i felt a bit lost..it doesnt help the fact that unis are still v.much textbook-based like norisha had said..it made me feel like i'm not studyin enuf...she asked mi if i want to study..n i went like..um,wat u want me to study..finance,vc n ssl's modules went thru my mind but wihtout a textbook,um..its like grasping water to learn that its made up of 2 hydrogen and 1 oxygen atoms?..um,i shall not digress to blog abt science now...

Anyway,she piqued my interest to pick up relief teachings..which i had been dodgin for awhile now..at first,i tot she was tokin abt basic tutoring but she meant really go down to MOE to sign up for relief teaching at real schools..n i was like 'phwoar..harrr...'..i mean,to tutor someone is already a daunting tot..i dun haf the courage to make someone learn n pass well see..if they fail,i die....but hmmz,maybe pri.schs i dont mind la..it sounds cool la..i mean,i've been helpin ma'am with tkd at pri.sch for like 3 years already?though its a waaay diff.teachin mtds n syllabus..it sounds ok la..maybe i'll consider...maybe i'll take up tutorin la..if i can b bothered enuf to find an agency which i absolute hate..i mean,give me a kid n i'll teach la..dont make mi wait for a call to find me a kid..juz gimmi The kid..but if its anythin like my niece,i'll give u back la..^^!!

my phone's still blind by the way so ppl dont sms me ok..call me..i'll sms u wif my mum's phone if necessary but for now,i'm sms-less..i am handicapped arrrghh..n i am still not hapi abt it..grrr..

wah,i wrote so long n my font's so small..hmz,betta stop..gdnitez..hapi new year!!

Technology woes n such...

2005-02-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

Isnt it a pity how Man has turned into a slave of technology in their strive to have a better world for all of us to live in...globalisation has its pros n cons..but it also turned Man into a slave for all things machines or metal(err..thats industrialisation..)..Anyway,now its all the technology driving the economy forward n along with it,Man are being dragged along or left to bite the dust...AAaaaaaaaaaargh...Y am i saying all tis nonsensical stuff..Coz i'm Upset..Y?coz my damn phone suddenly forgot its head n lost its eyes somewhere on my way home n now its showin a pitch-black screen...Worse,its mocking mi by its ability for me to make calls in and out..Aaaaaaaargh..damn phone..damn my father's phone..I want my old $175 without contract Nokia 2100 phone back!!..the one dat droppoed into CLEAN toilet bowls 3 times n 1 time into a sink n still worked Wonders!!..Hail nokia 2100!which is now out of production...n yea,i really dropped it into clean toilet bowls..of course,i dropped it after i flushed la dotz...

Pitch black screen means the inability to SMS..the necessary function of my life..much more essential than my basic need of eating...argghhhhhh..will the shop be opened tomorrow?of course not la,its CNY..1st day somemore..whats worse,now that means i may not even be able to trade in my phone la,and i'm already damn broke in view of my own account...i dont want use mum's money..dad's money?will wait until i grow a long santa claus beard arrr...i'm feelin so tense,so upset now..blardy phone..ur not even mine!n i haf to 'suffer' for it..y cant u spoil yourself when ur in my dad's hands..now he's givin mi all the blame,juz coz u felt like takin a CNY Break n shortcircuit yourself or wateva u had done to yourself la...ingrate phone!...n i took care of u better than my N.2100..i didnt even DO anythin to you..all i did was took u out of my pocket on my bus journey home today to find that u've lost your Sight,and u made me lost my brains for that!..its not farniee lei..i 'feel' for u going blind..coz i'm handicapped too!..tis is called Technology Rage..umm..nah,tats more reserved for my slow computer..for those days i feel like throwin the whole monitor out of the window which is conveniently on my left la..um..itz called 'short-sightedness of modern technology'..har!hahahaha..dats a gd one..i'm going mad..

Ugh..n i juz watched 5hrs of tv back to back..from some anita yuen show to 'pck' to 'living wif lydia' to 'the best bet'...i tink living wif lydia's final episode which was juz now,had a pretty lousy script..which is too bad coz its the Final episode ..i mean..Rhonda got married to the King of Martabak n lydia gonna open a business in china..n sulaiman got a new career..n who's dat guy whose wife returned to him wif a newborn daughter..so everybody splitted ways n there were hugs all around..then rhonda's wedding which was full of chicken feathers everywhere coz supposedly, the land of martabak held chickens in high regards or something...dotz..wat the hell..but then again,its a closure la..but its a "feathery"closure -.-!!..wateva la..

Speaking of feathers,i watched 'Racing Stripes' today..very nice,will recommend to those who can tahan talking animals n horses like me!:)..The plot is predictable la..a zebra thought he was a racehorse then wanted to race then found out he's not..da da da..then got a pretty white horse as a girlfriend called 'sandy'..but the script's hilarious la..In conclusion,i lurve it..its wacky n humane..it gave animals a voice n gave them more hearts than some humans could possess..its abt friendship,determination,dreams of achieving the impossible..and breaking all preconceived notions n barriers of oneself-such as a zebra can never race that kind..its a fantasy story,so please leave reality behind to enjoy it..

Cool Quotes!

"your father is a horse,and your mum is a white fence"

"Are you the racehorse's referee?"..which made me laughed like siao la...

"you're a pigeon acting like a chicken calling yourself a goose...(2more birds involved)..great,thats 5 birds in 1"-tucker..which cracked me up also..ingenious!

Reggie the rooster crowing at day's break for the 3rd n final time.."Doesnt anyone have a clock?"..dotz.

hee..now i'm feelin better..i dont mind buyin the vcd..juz to watch the two idiotic flies n the goose...hha,i tink i like the goose..who's actually a pelican from the city..anyone wanna watch,i dont mind 2nd round:D..

Pure laziness,made from that one girl-me

2005-02-08T01:32:00.000+08:00

Man's greatest evil is pure laziness...n i'm sufferin from that:p..nah.actually its more that laziness is a part of me...n when it comes to my brain not connecting to other parts of my body..my brain Is really disconnected..:D..

Fine,i wasnt so lazy today..or last monday..Mondays always seemed to be the 'bziest' day though got 4 hrs break...last week was spent rushing the family week campaign n ica..this week was filming outside SPH..i shall not blog too much abt it cept its damn cool experience la..damn farnie oso..n 1 thing..Toa Payoh's heartlanders are the BEst to interview for voxpops i tink..but i haf limited filming experience so will still keep an open mind..anyway, all are so willing and nice..n have VAried opinions..simply da best..cept for one uncle who went on n on abt so many topics..-.-..but most simply 'siam' or smile politely n 'siam' also hha..*grinz*..but..felt v.bad lihui's grp gotta sacrifice their filming for that mornin slot..simply shitty la,its not fair..it doesnt haf to happen like dat lah..sometimes i feel mr.lee can b such a scatterbrain..-.-" But like rach said,the other class came earli in the mornin to grab the equipment so no choice mah..cannot steal back though we booked like weeks in advance..*sighs*

Y was i tokin abt laziness..hmm..coz laziness defines me..i am lazy,therefore i am hhaha..'i eat,therefore i am'..is it by e.e cummings or whoeva..so lazy i'm still figurin out who shall i interview for my feature story ica..i chose valentina but with all the CNY celebrations ongoin soon..i tink it'll b pretty impossible..shit,must buck up la..later end up wif noone to interview then i got nothin to write...hmm,mayb can ask my auntie..but she's married even though she travelled overseas for her medical studies b4...that was wen she was single..its no longer current news hha..hmmmz...shit shit..

Anyway,the shoot for today coz $41.10...thats like alot lor...itz cos of the tape(8.50) n McD's breakfast..like dat,we can reach our budget of 82bucks++ in 1.5 days liaoz..cham..must scrimp n save..juz cos its cny doesnt mean we can exceed our budget...

Oh yea,i'm lazy..coz..i noe i haf to do SSL's n WW's tutorial,but i'm still stuck here bloggin n stoning away..i bought Inuyasha's deck of cards..but hardly any SHippo Pics Grrr!Felt a bit cheated though its still not bad ar..at least i got a new deck..now i got one big deck n one colourful small deck...y cant i juz buy a Normal deck like everyone else...*wonders*..yea,y cant i ar..dotz..coz small normal deck is too plain..n too small..big deck is bigger n bolder..colourful inuyasha deck got pictures...yea thats y!..

Has anyone seen a Pikachu's deck?..only pikachu mind u..but i dun mind the rest of the pokemon oso..cept for onix n zubat n golbat n ...those pokemons whu's a pest n create obstacles in the game i'll MIND.....
:D..nitez

Aikido grading n more..

2005-02-07T01:36:00.000+08:00

what makes u different makes u beautiful..wats there inside u shines thru to me..^^

Hee,felt so happi 2day..coz finally the gradin is Over!!yay yay yay..Rushed off to tanglin after my religious class..really thought i was late since the taxi driver cant seemed to pinpoint the location of TCC..rrived at TCC and saw the grading has started so rushed ff again to the toilet to change..then went out and screeched to a halt..coz i saw fara n dawn sittin patiently outside Undressed..umm..i meant they werent attired yet..cheyy..the gradin i saw ongoin was for the senior belts..more cheeeyy..Anyway,i was freaking nervous that both fara and i made dawn nervous too..sorri dawn..>,<..I was freakin nervous not so coz i'm scared..but rather coz i dunno wat to expect..i mean, in tkd they made u practised patterns n basic kicks so much b4 the grading..but this..heck, i didnt even noe what will be tested..plus the fact sensei havent been teaching ou classes for so long..i really felt unnerved n felt like a freak la..

BUT..cheyy..it wasnt that bad..fine,i still wasnt sure wat commands sensei was shouting at coz i was at the far end of the dojo..plus my back was twds him so i really cannot hear..Anyway,even if can hear i still dont understand....all the jap terms v.bleaah..will take me some long time to remember..Anyway,my partner was a brown belt guy..plump plump one..very 'nice' to pin down coz he's very fleshy lolx..like chicken like dat..brown-coloured chicken..lol..fine,i didnt had breakfast or even lunch..juz a small pack of twisties so i was VERY HUNGRY..Anyway,my basics movements sux coz i was too freakin nervous..i almost lost my balance when turning 180 backwards..conclusion;my posture sux coz i was too nervous..got one time i almost lost my balance n fall..but didnt heng though i was wobbling..deduct points liao!

Then came the techniques..which turned out fine surprisingly..i think i moved too far or too much..but ok la..at some pt i dunno wat sensei was saying so juz glanced at the only person i could copy from who stood on the rght of me...i was really at the end of the spectrum with nobody much to copy from:p..i did one technique wrongly whereby i turned my partner with an 'ura'(back) move instead of 'omote(front)..Anyway,i remembered most of the times i was goin 'oh shit' even though i did it oklah..i kept trying to remember the pointers Sailormars(the jap girl whom i trained with for 2weeks) gave me..which helped alot ar..but i tink she probably gave up after watching mi do..Conclusion-it wasnt that bad though maybe i shouldnt haf been so nervous..my opponent could feel me trembling with nervousity lor..so paiseh!

After my gradin,came the other senior belts..then i caught SailorMars sittin in an 'ungirly' position n sleepin on her knee.."-.- she was bored dotz..couldnt help but laugh..Anyway,she was also there for gradin n noone rushed to partner her..probably scared ar..I learnt from Dawn she's a black belt holder of 3 martial arts..wow!Dawn said she got black belt in ..get this!-Judo,Taekwondo!,Aikido..whoa..u go sailormars!..then i immediately tot how cool it'll b to spar with her one on one using taekwondo..but then again,she'll probably slaughter me in just a second..Japan's form of Tkd is Without a doubt much more Skilled than SIngapore's..so i withdrew the thought..i still cannot imagine her kicking though..

Then went off to monkey's place to play comp.games..he was away helping his grandma made spring rolls....see the reversal of gender roles in action here?:D..Managed to complete the 9 'normal' stages of Super Puzzle fighter for the second day in a row..*pleased*..but his comp is damn fast as compared to my laggy dying one..so it took mi quite awhile to adjust to play properly..The last stage gave me a huge amt of difficulty that i roped him in to help..he was back to mop the floors..but he couldnt win either..so i won it myself la..after an hour of tries..super damn long lor..then went on to play the 'hard' level but by then sianz already n i was superhungry after a whole day going meal-less..:D

Pa pa pa pa pa..Yay!..pika!..chuuuuu!pika pika!..*hugs*gdnitez ..lets pray the week fwd wont be so tiring..

Blah blah blah..blog~

2005-02-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

Hmmz...been starin at tis page for like 5 mins..i've no idea wat to blog today...

at first i felt like talking abt marriage and how it brings that security that the love of ur life will come back to ur arms at the end of that day..then i think again how these days,the divorce rates are so high that you'll never know the marriage solemnisation ur witnessin today may turn out to be a divorce case 3mths later...

Then i tot of writing about my day today n how i enjoyed chattin wif Jady online for half an hour abt martial arts n the lost 'spiritual essence' of taekwondo in SIngapore. I could also talk about this morning when i woke up at 10 specially to watch cartoons..the only ones that caught my interest were Powerpuff Girls n Pokemon Advance Generation...

Which means i could also blog a whole long paragraph abt pikachu,my fave pokemon after watchin the dvd..Pikachuuuuuuuuuuu!..Sometimes i wish my monkey wil haf 2 red dots on his cheeks like pikachu then i'll be His voice and go 'pika.....chuuuuuuuuu!'^^..If i ever haf a 3g phone or any phone wif recordable sound device,i'l probably record the sounds Pikachu made and use it as my ringtones:D..that'll be so cool...pika pika!!

Or i could also blog about how i spent the day with my Mum at Expo's Giant and John Little Sale..but then again,its juz another warehouse sale(s)..fine,it was great 'mother-daugther' bonding time but then again its yet another sale..which was not as crowded as i had expected..

Then again, I could also blog about my upcoming aikido grading tomorrow which i have no idea wat to expect except that it''ll be 'easy' as said by the seniors..my fears n doubts of making it thru n the stress of unable to expect wat i'll be tested on..the little hope that burns in me that maybe i can do well enuf to impress the judges..:D..

Anyway,i realised i juz finished bloggin abt wat i had wanted to blog on ^^..Maybe when i haf more things to tink thru n tok abt,i'll return again..for now i'm done

Uncertainty

2005-02-04T01:28:00.000+08:00

I used to be strong..now i am so weak n hapless..i used to haf things n stuff to grasp on n be motivated..now i feel lost..i used to believe so much in myself,that life will be the way i wanted them to be one day..i used to feel so much for others..now i feel detached instead..as though life is guided by alot more other factors from myself..as though life is not just living the way i wanted it to be..life is something bigger..n more confusin n dangerous..n all i wanna do is hide under my blanket n cry so the big meanie world will fear n not hurt mi anymore..u noe when u were once small,u were able to cry n everythin will turn out fine eventually sooner or later..u noe when u cry,its really crying your whole tiny heart out n maybe lungs also..u find that comfort that by juz cryin ur heart out shamelessly like a child, all issues can be resolved n 2morrow will be a bright shiny happy day in the world of children once more..i long for that comfort..

Tis i guess is juz mere teen's angst..felt by others whu were once in their teens n the teens of this time n age..yet today's teen is not facin wat yesterday' teens once faced..yesterday teens never see the 911 nor heard of Osama or BUSh..(well,maybe the older Bush yes la)..they never heard of Sars n Bird flu n nuclear bombs/wars that the present teens are face2face with..lest of all,they never haf to face an uncertain future dictate by the number n types of certificates or money one has..now i feel there is one more uncertainty...the uncertainty of how far ur education will take u..

in o'levels,there wasnt much uncertainty..either u go there or there or there..jc,poly,ite..no need to worri so much..esp wif ites being so high-achieving the past few yrs..any instituition is gd..then u went jc..the uncertainty of makin it thru the first year..the uncertainty of unabling to keep up wif ur studies..the uncertainty to get a decent grad..the uncertainty of facin the a'levels...lastly,the uncertainty of that even if u haf the grades,will the unis still want u..?their expectations increased everytime..even if u tink u got decent grades,will the tink the same way..nus took in 6000 every yr..not sure abt the rest..these unis are so busy in wantin to pick the best that classes are left empty coz they refused to pick the rest..so where do the rest go..private u,work,overseas u,poly..which brings abt more uncertainty..

in poly..there are alot more uncertainties..its not the same as that 'blanket' security a jc student has such as the MAIN motive is to DO well n Enter the U..in poly,every sem is unpredictable..some modules u may hate..some modules may piqued ur interest..then there's groupwork..some group gels, some dont..some never does..some is juz impossible..there's also individual work which offers some old sense of security..wif ind.exams,its the onli thing which u can grasp on to that if u study,u will do well..yet there's also those litter of tests to gauge ur progress..more uncertaintly..conclusion;u'll never haf a gd or even a faintest grasp of how ur grades will turn out in the end..

enuf bullshittin la..i'm havin swallow's eyes liaoz..bye..

When i cry...

2005-02-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

When i cry,i cry over things that ppl dun expect mi to cry abt..
When i cry,i dont stop until i can find the courage to stop..
When i cry,it doesnt have to mean i'm v.sad..
Rather,it can mean i'm very upset and very mad...very,very mad..>.
Super upset wif myself tis sem..already my individual works dont seem to be on par or gd enuf..n i dunno y..my writing sux tis sem too..sometimes i feel its coz i write too much..i haf tis habit of writin too much n my writin will juz slacken n goes downhill..it happened b4 durin my o'level days..thats y i got b3..i was too stressed out..thats y i got b3 again in gp..again,i was too stressed out n workin too hard twds achieving wat i wanted till in the end,i never get it la..ironic ar..ppl says hard work will bring u glory n makes ur dreams come true..but they never say anythin abt workin too hard...or too much..N for groupwork,our newscript got slammed like hell..really 'upsetted' mi alot considerin its mi n jiali whu took charge of it...i mean,the whole grp collaborated on wat we want on the script but in the end,it boiled down to jiali n me whu put everythin together...i'm blaming myself like siao cos i'm the one whu typed everythin out ar....it really goes to show how SUCKY my writing has become la until got slammed so teruk...then the waterworks started n i wont stop..from yck all the way to tanah merah i refused to stop..plus waited for him that half hour...1hr in total..so mad n so upset...juz coz of studies,so pathetic!

Was waitin for monkey to come but he was takin an awfully long time to finish his pool game n find mi so i juz broke down there n then while waitin for him lor..once started,cannot stop lor..ppl must be thinkin wat kind of bad news tis girl has gotten cryin like siao over at the corner..sometimes i tink i'm crazy..i can even break down over studies which some ppl dont give a damn abt also...but wat made mi cry harder was the echoin of my dad's words that i dun even noe wat i'm doin in school...he said it so pointedly like he really tink i'm dat slack at sch n never achieve anythin much..it makes mi so angry that while he's not even around,he can even go so far to juz accuse me anyhow without havin so much a basis of evidence...wats worse..i'm still goin on n on juz to prove him wrong..so sad ritez..being so hard to be a gd daughter ALL MY LIFE when all the while he tinks i'm juz a shitty daughter thats not growin up ENUF..

got home late today abt 11 odd then i juz got that vibe from him sittin there watchin tv..the vibe went like this 'i dont like tis comin home late kinda thing'..i remembered all the others 'i dont like tis...'..which made mi tink..wat then he like ar..i really really wonder...he told mi so often wat he dont like abt me..eg comin home late,goin out often...wat is it then he has like abt mi then...tink n tink..then i gave up coz i really dont know..v.tired liao...*gone*

Food n fat..

2005-02-03T14:19:00.000+08:00

The first time Sir said when i came up to him yesterday morning was'wah,u grown plump already ar.next time wear ur full gee to help'.."-.-!!Mi plump?that was a word NOBODY associate me wif..until recently la...*covers face*urrgh...plump..okla,at least he doesnt say 'fat'..i do look at the positive side of life har?hha..aaaaaaaargh...not that i haf anythin against fat ppl..but i was never one of theM!..the motto 'eat wat u want as long as it makes u happy' really doesnt seem to apply -.-!!!!..By the way,which side of mi grew plump-er?..

i want to grow TALL so can serve the nation..such a stupid rule..y must one be at least 1.6m to serve the nation..dotz!wats up wif tat..its size discrimination out n out lor..(eh,where's the rest of tis message..how dare blogger cut mi off..haiz,even blogger is discriminatin my small sizeness..)..We are already discriminated from beauty pageants, y must a nobler purpose hinders us too??!we are small,lithe n lite n fast enuf n of course, we can jump higher coz we are lighter(dont the *garment*learn physics..)..n being small, there is Lower possibility of us kena hit by bullets(dont they learn maths too?!)..so there'll b lower body count n lesser responsibility to answer to our families who may be vertically challenged too..its a gene thing,dun discriminate us coz of it..n dun give us a lousy excuse we may b suitable for something else thats 'small' yet similarly nobler n big in quantity..bleaah..

Yesterday,i felt like a terrorist n a sniper all in one..i felt like a bad,bad girl..juz coz we went to reki(recce?) SPH out in the hope that we can film there for our ica la..walked past the security into the reception area..then we were turned out coz no matter wat,we haf to wait for permission b4 we can proceed wif anythin..then we went into sph carpark where jiali went to take some pixs..like few metres in front of her, another security guard was lookin at us INTENSIVELy..stretched his head like a giraffe to see wat we're doing..which made mi feel like i'm takin pics so next time i noe where to plant the 'bombs'..that made me feel like a 'terrorist'..

then we slowly walked out n went straight to the hdb block n took the lift up to the highest floor(12)..n we took more pictures..there i felt like a sniper..i saw one security officer walking very fast across the building, and 2 others at their posts..i noe got some more hiding either in the carpark or other areas..the place is pretty heavily guarded hmmz..then i saw one of the workers on the rooftop n another walkin twds her from the other side of the buidling..hmmz,secret meetin..scandal?ur busted.

gtg for steve's chia class..oh how i wish i can really really miss the lesson..but i haf no reason to do so n i dunno wat to do durin the period of time when i'll b missin it since monkey finishes at 5..sianz..bloody sianz..

Plump n short SIti dashing off..* waddle waddle waddle *-.-!

Its been a long time coming...

2005-02-02T01:37:00.000+08:00

Shit la,i haf a crush..its been like so long..way b4 i got myself attached n way b4 i meet my dear..way back in jc life was when i had my last crush..n now its coming again..shit,lemme duck!..
No worri,i noe myself best la..still loving my monkey the same ..its juz a crush..but shit,he's so damn innocently cute lookin la...note the word innocent..yah,i guessed i like tat kinda guy-look..tats y my monkey got the best look of all hahaha..

Ppl say its not gd to be crushin on others if ur attached..tat means ur not faithful or ur sick of the relationship..no worri,i noe its neither..Anyway,i tink thats quite bullshit,coz when he's cute he's cute get wat i mean..no amt of loyalty or luv will stop u from going 'he's cute'..argh shit he's cute..then again he reminded mi of a certain someone who asked for my number back in jc life..a certain someone whom i tot was cute also until i realised he's a playboy n walk ard wif 2 girls or more wif him..-.- Rich playboy,but emotional one..still, he remained the 'cute jerk' la..

Anyway,back to tis crush..*sighs*he's cute..very cute..both looks n personality wise ar..hmm,personality wise is act cute but nvm..goes around tinkin that girls think he's cute..dotz..but he is la *give up*..but when he goes all quiet n look at u wif that eyes,wah kaoz..he's damn cute la..n makes mi tink he has an other side which i will really like to noe more abt..IF I WAS single of course..He is one reason y i have not been helping out wif cleanin the dojo for 2 weeks ar coz he'll be there for sure ar..and then he'll know for sure that i'm crushin ..aiyah,he already told mi to my face 'eh,u think i'm cute right'..dotz..-.- yea,u are right,shuddup..*smiles*..Today,he caught mi lookin at him when training..shit la,i 'died' already..wats wif the fact he kena chosen by Sirch alot of times today also urgh..like givin mi more opportunities to look at him...All the while my monkey is outside waitin for mi..aww..i'm bad..but anyway,today's trainin is bad..all coz of one stupid 'ballerina' whu had to poke his nose into other ppl's business..>.<..

i'm a goner tonite..must wake up at 6 to help ma'am 2morrow b4 goin to sch..wah..i shall b a zombie for another day 2morrow..gdnitez la..i'm gone.

'Long time coming' 'den u look in my eyes n i have it all once again..its been a long time coming down tis road..n now i know wat i've been waitin for.. like a lonely highway i'm tryin to get home..love's been a long time coming...didnt noe i was lost till u found mi...didnt noe i was blind but now i see..'..

'Greatest story ever told'

'Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could've prayed for
There you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand.
Tonight its you and I together
I'm so glad I'm your (girl)
And if I lived a thousand years
You know, I never could explain
The way I left my heart to you
That day. But if destiny decided
I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told
And did I tell you that I love you tonight?'

thats juz parts of both songs..he finally responded..his response was 'too long la'..-.- *give up*..Pika!!n my heart goes da-dum-da-dum-pika-chuuuuu!PIKA!
*dreaming of my monkey*..Oh ya,mr.azhar saw monkey wif mi outside the staff room the other day..n he was like cranin his neck to hav a better look at him lik dat..o.O..wonder if he remembers monkey as the guy whom he poke fun at when monkey was cross-stitchin outside the classroom last semester..i still LOL when i remembered him commentin abt 'the guy who's cross-stictchin outside the classroom..-.-!

*hugs*

End of the month

2005-01-31T23:01:00.000+08:00

'Month of the water bottle' so goes yirang's msn nick..i wonder y lei..n is it ending since we are now at the end of the month?..

'As constant as the stars above, always know that you are loved' - Rapunzel

Xhausted..today..total zonk in n out..wondered how i got thru the sch day today..glad it wasnt a 'heavy' lessons day..but then again the breaks in btw kinda emphasise the 'stony' feelings..but today's break was packed totally wif hardly time to like breathe..well besides the 1hr waitin for VC to appear, the rest of the break went into polishin up the FW competition...

*yawns*..FW competition..ok la,like meemum said,we're not aiming for anythin below 2k hha..ambitious yes,but we deserved it after the 'hellish' time we were put thru by vc at the last moment that she wants us to polish our stuff up..poor lihui was like hopping mad already wif her..but she didnt get any wink of sleep so i can understand y ar..but mayb vc deserved it lor..like wants us to rush so fast for wat..farnie..then we learnt how to write 'tamil' wif uma's handwritten 'tamil' phrase on the FW's paper..pretty cool ar,make mi want to learn tamil..but then again, i dunno if we shud be writin from left to rite or the other way round..o.O..caryn's got the best 'tamil' handwriting hahaha!congrats:p..Anyway,everythin submitted liaoz.hopefully, she wont call us up again 2morrow ..HOPEFULLY..

Wonder y my previous post didnt get published..mayb its coz i closed the window b4 i saved it completely..it was abt horse-riding..i missed riding...i missed 'my' horse..which has a wild streak in him,n though he's a retired rachehorse, the fire still burns in him..kinda like me..retired tkd-er,but hopefully still got 'fire' to spar...yea well,havent been goin tkd for almost a mth coz wanna concentrate on aikido..maybe i wont come back ever to the nyp trainings..sometimes i feel that tkd shud implement the aikido system..nvr train for so long reverts back to a white belter..there are times i wish i can juz re-learn tkd from the beginnin n stick to that particular club instead of jumpin from wagon to wagon like now..from bendemeer to pj to a little of nyp..it gets tiring n i feel pretty lost la,even though i am still stickin wif Sir n Ma'am..

AIkido's gradin coming up soon..feel a little more confident though i cant say the same on the day itself la..after that,i'll probably start practising tkd on my own...need to feel that 'strength' that comes from practising tkd..Aikido is more harmonised n 'soft' n since its using others' strength, i cant really feel my own strength so to say la..maybe i need to learn more ..like sensei said, the need to boost one's inner strength....

While on this subject,me wanna crap abt the jap.aikido girl at tcc..wah..i tink i'm gonna called her 'sailormars' coz she reminded mi of that lor..came to training in perfect attire..Mi got to pair up wif her for the first time last week n its like 'whoa'..at first it was like 'oh shit,somebody save me'..she isnt strong as in muscular strong..but her inner strength is like phwoar..but she's excellent lor..though a bit 'violent' ..very ironic,very confusing.i shall not bother but she earned my respect n i hope she earned mine since i was quite a fast learner that day *pleased*....black belt tkd vs black belt aikido girl..phwoar..but too bad la,i 'shrank' a little when trained wif her coz somehow she's like fragile but violent, weak but strong that kinda girl..like porcelain but still not 'china' made material..jasper said i shud be more assertive wif my strength but dun dare lei..somehow stupidly,i dun dare use against ppl one..firstly coz really no strength la..secondly, though i'm in luv wif martial arts, i dun see the need to like use it against those who dun practise it...tats y i tend to shy away when ppl wanna see my stuff..anyway,i haf not much stuff to show:D..

*yawns*i'm exhausted n i'm still blogging..i dun tink i'm writin sense anyway..so gdnitez....As constant as the stars above,always know that U are loved..*hugs* how i noe of this quote..thru watchin rapunzel..Barbie rapunzel..-.- thx to my niece la..but it was quite a nice show..like revert back to childhood days for a while..but the animation is horrible..oh well..

Screw U!

2005-01-29T01:50:00.000+08:00

Screw u!!*stares fiercely at the screen*bloody hell..what an idiot..bloody idiot..the phone is already spoiled when he gave me yet now he's accusin mi left rite upside down for spoiling it..not enuf,he's accusin 'my friends' that i borrowed it to them n they spoiled it..hello,blame yourself..fucking screw u..wat the hell...

when i read the papers last time abt Leann Rimes suing her dad for money..i couldnt fathom y n how the blood ties get so bad over money n stuff..now i sort of understood..SOME dads are losers..weak,pathetic bloody losers..no,i hope not ALL..somewhere out there,hopefully there are dads who are Responsible n stuff..but MOST think they can protect the world n family by goin out to work n get the money home..wat money..no shit but his own shit he brought home..n spilled it on the rest of us who 'needs' his money ..wake up lar,we dont want money..we want him to be there n to know that somewhere in his small pathetic heart, that he cares for the family..jerk~!I'm seeing red..bloody pissed off from the moment he CAME home tonite..wats the pt of comin home if he's juz gonna make us boilin mad at his DUMBNess n false accusations ..so dumb..

Came home n ask mi abt Parents day letter that arrived..he asked mi wat is it abt..i had no idea DUH..the lecturers havent said anythin wat,its juz A LETTER that came from the mail..FINE,parents day..not my day,crap..so i said the truth la;'i dunno'..then he went, 'yah, u dunno..everythin also u dunno.ur school u dunno..dun think u noe wat u studyin also..'SCREW U..so wat i dun make it to the U..does that make me a LESSER human being or a child in his eyes?..so now wat,he's lookin down on mi coz of that!!bloody hell..think i dunno isit..i screwed up my life for him n now i'm payin for it n he dun even give a damn..ok fine,jc life wasnt that screwed,i enjoyed it but still i wasted 2 years coz i didnt make it..juz coz of an 'E' in the cert..fine,i took that back..but still i went to the jc for him n our relationship soured from then on that he even refused to come for the year 2 Parents-teachers meeting 2years ago..my brother had to take his place..forget it la,in his mind,i'm a DISAPPOINTMENT..go have another CHILD then..oh,i forgot..cannot coz later end up like my sis how..Damn DUMB!

AFter that insinuation, i went off downstairs with Mum to cool down..went to brother's place to have some FUN that i cant get at home with HIM around..its enuf he's acting like a spoiled brat n accusin my nieces/nephews for spoiling the stuff around the house to my mum yesterday..now he's out for my throat when i was juz sittin there watchin tv..wth...reached home abt 12plus n he's still sittin there..

by then,i had forgotten my anger wif him n jokingly told him he gave mi a spoiled phone..n THEN he started again..Accusing me what I had done to the phone when i've been takin gd care of it..Accusing me of SPOILING everything that i have..screw HIM..told him NICELY the phone was already spoiled when he gave me, n like the spoiled selfish brat, he rebutted la..said it was my own fault for spoiling when i DIDNT even spoil it..i didnt drop,drown or even lose it..heck,i took care of it better than my own phone(WHICH I PAID FOR WITH MY OWN MONEY N HE HAPPILY TRADED IT FOR A BRAND NEW PHONE OF HIS OWN!!)..but WHAT is the damn pt when in the end it boils down to this la-the 'assumed conclusion' i 'spoiled' the phone in some way somehow!..bloody hell..Unhappy already that he cant find anythin Concrete to accuse me,he asked mi to take the phone for servicing..did he mention money..no of course not..it is ASSUMED i'll come out wif it on my own..or maybe wif my mum's money la..SCREW HIM!tis is so ridiculous..

SO ridiculous i shall let it slide as usual..he's askin mi to grow up,i'm waitin for him to GROW up all these years..pls la,everything also he believed from his friends not us..right or wrong he takes it from his friends POV..not us..who's the childish one again ar...something gets spoiled,who's the first to react n throw the blames anyhow around..worse,he threw the blames at little kids a.k.a my nephews n nieces.."-.-..he went to bed liaoz to sulk lor..WHO"S THE CHILDISH ONE again..*stares angrily at the screen*..childish idiot..i'm sori i'm sayin tis abt my dad..sorri dad,but u deserved it..>.<~

Let me ride far far away...

2005-01-29T01:31:00.000+08:00

I missed riding..especially at a time like this when i'm so mad i cant even think..when i juz wanna kick some asses or punch some faces(his come to mind..)..or..i juz wanna ride again..i missed riding horses..or what i called 'my' horse-Ocean Jupiter even though he's paid n rightfully belonged to someone else at the BUkit Timah Saddle CLub..

First time i learn how to ride,i rode on OJ..he was a 'wild' one n i Lurvve him..he was a racehorse once but he had some injuries n 'retire' to BTSC..Hillary,my trainer then called him a 'pighead' coz he has a mind of his own n follows his own rules..so cool ritez,for a horse tat is..i got to ride him from the start,earlier than the rest coz he cant bear to be walked from the stable to the training area..i 4got wat it was called..At first, was feelin v.jittery coz i'm pretty scared of heights and he is a big,tall horse..almost as tall as a stallion i tink..wow..Anyway,he got thick dark brown hairs and a funny mark on the neck if i remembered correctly..then there was the 'number' that was "burnt" onto him with a metal rod so he could be identified..sounds cruel but thats the SOP i tink..

Anyway, we learnt how to walk besides the horse..ppl must always stand on the right side of the horse n must not be too near to their butts or we'll get kicked..its coz the horse eyes have a blind spot n cant see beyond its butt..so it'll start kicking if it senses anythin near its butts..n we learnt that horses cannot be lined up besides each other or they'll start kicking too..so cool..i lurve horses..especially ocean jupiter..i was quite sad that teh following lessons i didnt get to have him coz he was either in a bad mood, or he's being taken up by another class or was juz takin a rest for the day..but he left a HUGE impression on me..Durin my ride with him, he went all jumpy suddenly and started to stand on his two hind legs..so i was like suspendin in mid-air on him ar like performin a circus stunt or something..the trainer's back was to me so she couldnt see whats goin on..so i had to save my own life basically..somehow,i juz pulled the reins juz enuf so that it wont hurt him but it'll also calmed him down..n it worked..yay!..juz in time for her to turn ard n go 'what happened?must be a fly biting his stomach or somethin..i dunno how u did that,but gd job anyway' *pleased*..i juz turned a cowgirl for that moment..

Anyway,i missed riding..when u ride,its like everythin else melts away..its only u n the horse n Mother nature surrounding u..juz to feel the beat of the horse trotting along is soothin enuf..to feel it gallop will be like 'whoa,there goes everything' n juz feel the worries of life literally FLY away with every gallop of the horse..aww,i missed riding..

My dream after that riding coursewas to have an island all by myself n set up stables all over..i mean, i can juz import the horses(i want the horses to be those retired from the turf club,esp after i learnt that They put down 5000 injured/unable to race-horses a year as claimed by the trainer)..wont it be cool..juz stables everywhere n green fields all around for the horses to roam..maybe can set up a horse-training school(it WONT be expensive like the BTSC) n it'll cater to the COmmunity instead of rich foreigners who may have a horse or not back in their home country..*dreams*..But that means i must be HUGELY,SUPERBLY rich like donald trump ...come to tink of it, isnt singapore openin its islands up for sale?..or is it some other islands overseas..the one thats shaped like a mini world map..wow..ok,now where do i get the money part to buy the island..when now i dun even haf enuf to buy a discman..OoOh..

I want a horse..i want Ocean jupiter rather..
i want an island,so i can haf him n his friends on it to roam freely too..
i want an island made of stables so i can ride on Ocean Jupiter n roam far far away..n yet,i know i'll still be home..wif no worries *dreams*

Mr.A

2005-01-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

I juz found a connection btw my 1st year Gp mentor n my 1st year scriptwriting teacher..they both named after the letter 'A'..n they taught mi English..though from two very different spectrums..i used to tink malay teachers sux..yea,coz my malay sux thx to them hhaha!..kidding..but these two Mr.A sort of change my views i think..for better or worse;)..

First up was another Mr.A called Mr.Ali..or Cikgu Ali from my now defunct/merged primary school..we called him Cikgu Ali..he was a horny one..from a child's POV..ya, he was a 'naughty teacher' ..from the parents' POV..'he is a chee ko pek'..who said that?my mother said one..she knew coz he taught my brother..there once were rumours he stayed in a classroom while a little girl student was changing for a concert..somethin to tat effect ar..Anyway,he also likes to pick his nose when teaching but he was a v.funny teacher..he didnt teach mi much but i knew i had fun in his lessons..he was portly n bald, tall n 'dirty' lol but he's a funny teacher..last i heard, he was selling mee rebus near my primary school..

SEcond was Mr.A..ya we called him Mr.A coz thats how he liked to be called..his name is Mr.Ariffin n he has an accent b'coz he studied political science in dunno whichangmoh country..very talented..he's a Malaysian n he travels back to Malaysia, Johor everyday..he carries an umbrella everyday coz he says the dogs near his hometown will stay away from him like that..he's my GP teacher for first year..he lost our essays on his way to school one morning..he left it in the blue 'bas pekerja' bus and all of us had a good laugh over it..he's a very nice teacher too..we celebrate his birthday even though we were no longer his class students n we made him a collage i tink..a vanguard sheet filled with writings n pictures n drawings if not wrong?..then i remembered juice wrote down 'when will we have our 'lost' essays back?'..damn farnie..he likes to sing during concerts too..he sang a duet with another teacher for one event, and he sang the Carlsberg's theme song at another(or was it the same event)..Once i walked back to the mrt with him n he thought i hate Malaysia coz of the weather or somethin..guessed i left him wif a wrong impression ar >.<..i dont hate johor,i juz hate the kental malay guys..bleah..

Then now its Mr.Azhar..if not wrong, a former sports journalist ritez..I knew he traveled like everywhere n he's damn experienced..i can just go 'and you go whoa, and then you were like whoa..' like Crush the turtle said in 'Findin Nemo'..During orientation, the first time that we DMSM students met him, he 'traumatised' us with questions in regards to the current news..i tot it was no big deal since i gotta read the papers for GP anyway..but i 4got that GP was like way back in Nov' 03 n it was then July 04..busy workin,not enuf reading..i was punished with sore marks..n a wakeup call..Thought we wont b seein him ever..i mean, he was carrying the camera so we tot he was juz a cameraman hha!..So far, his classes are accompanied by part-time lecturers so hardly get to 'personalise' much wif him..maybe tis is how poly lecturers are like..'touch n go' but will be there always to guide you, or left u stranded?lol..Anyway, he 'lasted' with us until now n he's havin his baby now..or he had his baby last Tuesday..So sweet ritez!!..its a boy..i think a boy as the eldest one is always good..yea, brand mi 'conservative' n 'sexist' but i tink it is just the 'right way' to have children..tomorrow must also hand up his essays..lookin fwd to news abt his baby..he'll be one haggard man like every first time father is..^^..

SO there it is..Mr.A's in my life..3 of them..colourful personalities too..n not onli teach differing spectrums, but all of them come from different-pronged kinda lives too..one was a malay teacher in p.sch..one was a political science graduate n now a college teacher..n the last is from the media,traveled the world n now a teacher n a father..Aww..Oh ya, still dunno if mr.A(the real Mr.A) is married yet..he refused to answer that question for the years that we were there...he simply REfused n Avoided our question no matter how many times we, esp Joseph tried to ask or put it in different ways..he called it 'personal' n simply, none of our business....yea..none of mine..i shall zZzzz liaoz n dream of gettin 'A's..not them,but grades 'A'.....if only..*dreams*

A complete Sunday..

2005-01-24T01:31:00.000+08:00

'Breakaway' chorus:

I'll spread my wings

and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness

and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I loved

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

-----------------

Today i felt pretty complete, which is something rare to me la..always feel like got something missing, something havent do, something i've Forgotten to do(maybe i'm still 4getting ^^)..but today felt complete..Without leaving the house too yay..Monkey came down today to accompany me accompany my sister while my parents went to Expo..It was like one of those rare times they went out 'shopping'..my mum had to fork out the money coz my dad was pretty down n broke after spending most of his pay on his new phone .. then my mum said he took advantage of her by buying two 30 dollars worth of shirts which were too big for him so he has to go down to Robinsons store to change tomorrow..haha..

they bought dragon beard candies(my fave!) and chocolates(my fave too!) for monkey n me but he left beforehand coz he had to go home n mop the house..Left mi on my own to acc my sis then..finished up Latha's script and finished up Azhar's PRint/broadcast scripts..yay,i finished my hw!..n i finished SSL's reports on Friday/Sat too!n i tried studying for WW's test on Friday..not much goes into my head obviously..i mean, as i studied the definitions of the accts n the concepts,i kept thinking 'she's not even gonna test me on this, will she?She's gonna test me on numbers-which i shall then 'die' n 'bury' myself afterwards'..If accts is this theoretical Only,i'll at least have some Hope that i can do well in it..but lemme keep on dreaming..Asked my monkey alot of the acct stuff and i realised he's still good at it even though he barely touches it for like a year plus already since o'levels..wah..so pro..mi so lan even after touching it like every week..Maybe its coz i 'touch-n-go' the lecture notes only:D..

We watched 'Pokemon's First Movie' today on his brother's laptop which he brought..Pikachu is so cute!!so adorableee..PIKA...CHOOoo!..so cute,argh!!..RRRRrrr...Pika,pika!!..Bulbasaur also..'Bulba,bulba'! but Mew is so Cute also..Meow,meow meow..she got a haunting melody with her too..Pika,pika!!Lalala,i'm goin pokemon-mad again!..Pika,pika!AAargh,i'm in love with Pikachu!..i dont remember him so cute when watching the cartoon series the other time..i only remember i like Meowth whu's a silly,silly pokepet wif the Team Rocket..Aaargh,i'm melting..PIKA....CHooO!*hugs*

So,got my parents to go out n enjoy themselves(i tink..they dunno how to go Expo n ended up walking 5 bus stops there from Tanah Merah dotz.)..got my monkey wif me...got my sister's behavin herself..done my homework n part of the projects..n got Pikachu!!!!!Pika,pika...CHOooO!

n he knows wat to dread for the next few days coz i'll be going 'Pika,Pika!!!...CHOoo!!!'..Awww..*hugs everyone*

Though i felt very happy today,i know somewhere out there somebody is crying and ranting at tis huge, cruel world..Maybe its one of the tsunami victims, maybe its someone close to me..maybe its somebody else where something horrible has happened to them in ways i could never fathom or imagine...If i could,i'll extend my shoulder n my hug to that person..anyone at all..to tell them the world does have its roses..its jus hiding behind all the thorns dats all..*hugs to anyone who's feelin damn suay n down*..Take care, god bless..IF i could, i wanna be there with them..to tell them life will be ok somehow..n succumbing to death is not the easy way out..Love, Siti

Pretty upset..I need to be strong..

2005-01-20T01:51:00.000+08:00

Juz read someone's blog few mins ago,and i felt v.upset..i mean,its been goin on ever since i knew her n the problem seemed to be getting nowhere i feel..i admit, i have been the very 'unfeeling' friend these days when i am in fact, the most 'feeling' one..i dun haf to read the blog, i dun haf to noe,i can juz walk away n continue to being blase..but i cant for i am not that kind of person....

yesterday,i almost couldnt sleep coz i was worried abt her..n a bit pissed off too la..until my dear forced-sms mi to stop it n juz sleep..i came up wif a quote though..'sometimes in life u haf to be cold-hearted juz to make them learn'.. it sux i noe..

i dun haf to feel upset, i dun haf to feel anything..i'm juz bloggin for the hope that she can somehow connect back to us who's gettin increasingly worried yet helpless..it is her own problem n i know she'll come out strong..but until when since the problem seemed to be goin nowhere..We'll be around..either to pick You up when u've fallen, or be with You when you think you'll be ok..very young,but v.strong..i believe she can make it somehow..

Anyway, i came home to realise my sister had her fits again..n i tink she had it again while i was watchin tv n mum's takin a rest..where's my dad when u needs him..i sincerely wanna believe he's workin Hard for the Family see..but wats the pt of workin hard when u dun seem to be around when we need u most..heck, mum dun even dare to go to the hospital for fear that he'll kick up a fuss coz we'll be usin his medisave...but in truth, i'll give my dad credit for the fact that he dont want my sis to be 'tortured' anymore by the useless doctors...so wat if the Whole hospital knew abt my sis..it doesnt make a difference if they cant do anythin to make her life a better one..I hate it especially when they bring in a grp of medical students to study my sis's condition coz they themselves cannot figure out how to cure her..my sis is not a specimen,get lost~!

Life is never easy, but y does it haf to be hard for my sister whu cant even fend for herself..n makes it harder for mum to take care of her..life's a questions of 'why's that sometimes never get answered, but i need to ask y that it is my Sis who is suffering like aimlessly..sometimes, i felt life is juz bidding her by..she's juz waitin for time to pass n finish..n we're waiting for a miracle to set her free.....

i dreamt a scene where there were 2 sisters playin dressin up 2gether..i dreamt they were my sis n me..all grown up n dressin 2gether..the scene looked a bit angmo-ish though but it was a happy scene..does it mean the opposite..at least, my 'sister' looked beautiful in my dream..

dreams are juz another state of mind that potrays your desires in your subconscious self..or thats the gist of what Freud is saying la..there's no sexual connotation nor is there an unrepressed side to it..all it speaks of is my desire that my sis, can one day be normal..

sometimes i noe its mean n selfish of me to wish for somethin that seems impossible..n it makes it seem that i am not acceptin her for who she is..then again, somtimes how can i accept what she is when she dont even noe who i am..selfish me huh.gdnitez~

i do accept my sis..its juz dat i cant accept myself for being the sis who's always not around..n for being the daughter who's always seemed to be preoccupied wif her own life..

*bites lips*Again, i'm strong enough to overcome whateva shit life throws at me..

n my nose went 'achooo'

2005-01-19T01:31:00.001+08:00

siti sits on the old gum tree
runny runny nose has she
sneeze,siti,sneeze
how dusty ur life may be

Siti sits on the old gum tree,
Eating all the gumdrops she can see.
Stop, Siti,Stop
Stop,nose,stop b4 u fly off siti's face to me
---------------------

Siti has a runny nose
runny nose
runny nose
siti had a runny nose
her nose was red like a rose..

everywhere that siti went
siti went,siti went
everywhere that siti went
the nose was sure to run..

It followed her to school one day,
school one day,
school one day.
it followed her to school one day,
Which was against the rules.

it made her friends cringe n cry
cringe n cry,
cringe n cry
To see her sneeze in class
-----------------------
siti's nose is running again
running again,running again
siti's nose is running again
my fair lady
--------------
siti n her nose
went up the hill
to fetch a packet of tissues
siti fell down
n broke her crown
n nose went running after

up siti got
n home she trot
as fast as she could muster
went to bed
n plaster her nose
wif as much tissues as she could hold
*achoo*
-----------------
Enough liaoz,too sleepy to 'destroy'the nursery rhymes further..cant believe i can write all tis while my sis is hittin herself until her nose bled la..current injuries:(maybe) a broken nose, another blue-black eye n bruises etcetera..*sighs*i wonder if its her medicine making her do tis..but i'm more worried abt my mum whu's getitn too old to handle her also..seems like i'm pretty apathetic to wat my sis is doin to herself,but when i tink how even teh Doctors are helpless to help her, wat more can a sis like mi do..useless me as always..When i tink how NYP physiotherapy takes in students who dun haf a'level 'science' subject, i shud've try my chances to go n apply instead..but i knew all tis too late liaoz..not tat i regret joinin DMSM,but maybe i shud've taken That up so at least its Relevant to helpin my sister wif her condition..if only i had knew earlier LOR..but maybe its all juz fate..even if i take it after i haf my DMSM cert,will it be too late to help my sis den..?i shall not tink abt it,n sleep!..

n my nose went 'achooo'

2005-01-19T01:31:00.000+08:00

Like a lonely highway,i'm tryin to get home..

2005-01-18T23:41:00.000+08:00

the OJ's song is sooo nice,i'm listenin to it once more..n yea well,i was surfing all his fans websites during finance lab,coz once again i'm not understandin wat WW is tokin abt..i mean when she realised that time is runnig short n she gotta rush to teach us wat she knew..she lost us totally full stop..ok fine,she lost me..esp my attention span..so i made up for it by lookin at OJ(oliver james)photos online..so cutee..he used to have brown hair but he looked better wif black..:D dat proves Asians n italians n whoeva wif black hair r Hotter than any other coloured hair..so y do we spend so much time n money dying it..beats me..

Had aikido again today n the 'ballerina' Had to make his presence felt..at first, he scolded dawn for some silly stuff which i felt was really silly la..it wasnt related to aikido at all, she shud have juz scold him back but then again, no pt. arguin wif The ballerina..i still remembered y we called him that..coz he was Twirling around after the lesson n bumped into Dawn..n he didnt even apologised..so Rude!Crazy guy..anyway,he was asked to partner Sirch(is dat how i spell his name) n demonstrate a couple of time, n e Made a fool out of himselfin front of us..thats coz he didnt understand wat Sirch wanted to do in the first place.."-.- Me partnered wif Phally and Ian looked so happy when he saw her that i really am beginning to think he has a crush ohn her..i mean, i caught him twice smiling that silly happy grin at her lol!plus many other times when she comes for trainings..

Went to look for Jasper after that at amk central..he was with his bunch of friends coz they were doing their projects but he said they ended up slacking n daydreaming..i ate ljs n he ate western food from a company calle d Tenderfresh coz he said they served great foood..made me wonder how he knew or even notice that tiny sticker that said 'tenderfresh'..it was a malay stall of course juz great for him la..sometimes i feel bad that he's willin to eat malay food when i couldnt eat chinese food without the halal sign..But he 'sabo' me by makin mi eat the 'black' or veiny parts of the chicken when i wasnt looking..>.
See, the reason i Dont like to eat those veiny parts is coz those veins used to carry the blood from the chicken's brain to its lungs n eventually ito its heart..does chicken haf lungs?they shud have ritez..??Fara,dawn pls educate me..so i dont haf the heart to look and eat those veiny parts coz they used to be part of a clucking existing living chicken!!..So naturally He called me weird n said i shud be blindfolded when eating chicken "-.-!! I tried goin vegetarian once n got scolded by my parents that i was turning into a 'buddhist'n forsaking my own religion..

Been a long time since i walked around amk wif him..these days its hard to do so wif my horrible timetable..it was gettin late n his mum almost called but didnt coz she put it down b4 he could answer..i felt bad that its my own selfishness to spend time wif him that he sometimes haf to get home past 10pm..but at least he didnt send mi home or it'll b super duper late..*hugs*..told him i'll b gettin 20 tis year, n his reply was 'then i'll start callin u old grannie'..hmph!!being a year older is so misleading..n old..

like a lonely highway,now i'm tryin to get home..ooh,love's been a long time coming..*smiles n yawns like a contented baby*..har,i juz saw a lizard wif a missin tail peeped out besides my worn out sofa..Tiger's been doin her job i see besides being a 1st time mother..Zz*hugs*

Hugging that thought to meself..

2005-01-17T01:24:00.000+08:00

*smiles*i watched 'my fair princess 3' again today..thx gdness i was showin..there was nothing else on tv,not even cartoons!..i mean 'connie the cow'..wat kind of cartoon is dat?sounds cute la full stop..that '1st wife' zhihua's dark secret is finally out hahaha..so yongqi n little swallow's love is back on track yay!..but i felt for poor ziwei who's pinin for her husband..i cant see me living on w/o my other half by my side..i tink i'll juz become a nun or somethin..

today was my 2nd class..*sighs*i am a religious Ignoramus..shameful to say but i know more abt the historical significances of christianity thx to john donne. n mr yeo, than my own religion..i mean,i tink i basically knew much abt my own religion but wat i knew is like scattered everywhere in my brain..my ignorance of my own religion sometimes made me felt i am being blasphemous *sighs*..Anyway,i learnt that women has 9 desires while men has 1(which is also the biggest sinful desires-of women)..wow..the ustazah nvr specify but i tink i shud roughly be able to guess...food,clothes,beauty,men,love..err ritez?

anyway,went expo wif my mum n bought a couple of bras n pillows!i mean,they were bloody cheap so juz go for it lor..yesterday's expenses n today's trip totaled up to abt 260bucks ++..but i hope mum enjoyed herself since she hardly get to go out n shop ard..i was missing my monkey but i had fun wif her too la..now,the next step is to get her to enjoy herself out of the country n spend more time wif dad..heh..i noe its like a HUGE step..but juz wants her to be happy dats all..even if it'll cost wat little time i haf wif my dear monkey..nitez ..haf a gd week,i hope i will haf..

2005-01-17T01:09:00.000+08:00

Its been a loooooong time since i answered online personality quizzes..juz for the heck of it,i went to tis personality quiz link i found on Addy's blog *grinz*..as always,the answers were pretty predictable..i'm a bore of myself..

1st personality quiz..
Wackiness: 56/100Rationality: 60/100Constructiveness: 66/100Leadership: 40/100
You are a WRCF--Wacky Rational Constructive Follower. This makes you a Paul Begala.(WHO?!sounds like paul bengali :P)..You are unflappable(flap flap!!)and largely unconcerned with others' reactions to you(dats true..). You were not particularly interested in the results of this test, and probably took it only as a result of someone else asking you to(haha!!). You have a biting wit and intense powers of observation.(super..) No detail is lost on you, and your friends know it--relying on you to have the facts when others express only opinions. (yea,but tat made mi boring..)You are even-tempered, friendly, and educated.(yea,i survived the 'a's ..just barely:D) Foolish strangers may mistake your mildness for weakness(tis is so damn true..)--they will be surprised.You entire approach to life is enviable. You will raise good kids.(Hopefully!i want 2..one will be called Jeffrey..the other Daniela...):D)Of the 76459 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 4.8 % are this type. (yea,i'm dat rare..i'm almost extinct!Preserve moi!)

2)Relationship style...
eXpressive: 8/10Practical: 9/10Physical: 6/10Giver: 0/10 (hey,i gave alot..i tink..)
You are a XPYT--Expressive Practical Physical Taker. This makes you a Player.You are clever, sexy and sexually oriented. You know what you want and how to get it. You command attention in a room of strangers, as your charisma, your personality and your spending habits are all oriented toward making an impression on your target sex. You pay attention to details. You reel people in easily, but have a harder time keeping them around since you are just as demanding in a long term relationship as you are on a night out.(really meh..v.v) Combine your demanding nature with the fact that you're hard to keep up with and easily bored,(see?i'm a bore to others n myself) and you get a recipe for problems with fidelity. In a conflict, you're brutal (tink aikido n tkd..but i nvr use it on him watt..)-- you know how to unleash one cutting remark that turns a normal fight into a brawl or a breakup. (a genetic trait picked up from my dearest mummy)Your general attitude is you just don't have time for fighting (yuP!)-- if you feel like your current partner doesn't understand you, you know you can find another one.(so many fishes,so little time..but i dont want that many fishes,i juz want my monkey^^)You may see yourself in a parent and dislike his/her choices, so you want to avoid them for yourself(huh?!). You feel confined by social pressures, both to pair up and stay paired(not really.i dont choose to be wif him coz of peer pressure..). It will (and should) take you years to settle (and for you, it may really feel like you're settling). Please use a condom.(wahaha!save that for marriage please)Of the 178084 people who have taken this quiz, 8 % are this type(so is it good or bad?)..

*grinz*haiya,wateva..i am defined only by one thing/person..that is me myself!..though sometimes i dun bother to really stand up to stand out..*tinks*..i read tis article from Cleo earlier where u haf to see urself n ur personality as a marketing brand instead of waitin for others to 'brand' u behind ur back..oh well..had a happy weekend of shoppin wif my mom,but didnt get to see my monkey for whole 2 days..=( haiya,thats life~c'est la vie~!..

When's ur birthday?

2005-01-15T22:13:00.000+08:00

Hapi (belated)birthday to u!
happy (belated)birthday to u
Happi (belated)birthday to ADDY
Happy (belated)birthday to you!!

Cannot believe i missed Addy's birthday after like not readin her blog since like a few days ago..felt so horrible now..hmpH..i know Yirang's birthday comin up..n so is Kenneth n siewhoon..but the nearest is valentina..or is it yirang?..or is there anyone else birthdays i'm forgettin..bad girl,bad bad girl me..>.<..

Feelin bloody bored..no gd shows on tv too..hbo is being weird..first they showed 'blue thunder' then they showed 'red water' right after..are they tryin to be cute??..Anyway,me watched 'my fair princess 3'..erkang didnt die after all but got kidnapped by the burma 'prince' or princess..who is damn chio la but quite spoilt..musha?isnt that the name of Mulan's dragon?..Little swallow got demoted to 2nd wife..while the "1st" wife gave birth n almost died..i tink she shud die also, made yongqi's life so difficult..who cum up wif the rule that prince must haf many wives n concubines ah..those women shud b trained to be his bodyguards to save resources hah..i am being lame..I remembered how i use to idolise 'yongqi''s character..even wrote abt him somewhere inside my diary..abt wat a perfect guy he was in the first two seasons of 'my fair princess'..then yunli gave mi his poster but dunno where i threw it..

Anyway,no females shud haf the decency to put up wif sharing a husband ritez?..i noe its LEGAL in islam..but hello..got alot of guys,why must put up wif one guy who wants alot of wives anyway..like the equation is not balanced ritez..?Just like how Rachel my jc friend, used to say short girls with long hair doesnt look proportionate, the same logic applies..i tink ^^

wateva,i'm goin Mustafa wif my mum now..ciaoz~

14th of Jan 2005

2005-01-15T01:12:00.001+08:00

heh,i just puked like 5mins ago after stuffin myself wif ridiculous food like microwaved chicken paus, and lo mai kai bought from 7-11 ..ahh,it felt good though..while i was puking, i tot how it can corrode ur teeth and damage the linings of ur stomach from excessive vomiting..Ok,Ok i'm not anorexic or bulimic..my stomach just didnt feel good..n i am not pregnant choy!..wif the constant irritant in my life(of living wif gastric pain but it could be worse so i'm not complaining..not much anyway..)..its just as well my stomach is upset wif me again what wifs the flu and all..at least my nose is not trying to run away from me again..*sighs*..

N i had mild diarrhoea for the past few days too..came to school just in time to shit ar..lihui was wonderin y i zoomed off suddenly when she's talkin abt the plushie wif me..nature's calls-sorry ^^..watery shit hha..yeuccks..y am i even bloggin tis.."-.-

Ok,now to the finer,less watery parts of the day..which i couldnt wait to be over to spend time wif the monkey ar..at least, finance lecture wasnt so bad..i actually listened and understood which is like once in a blue moon..didnt play cards today(ritez?!i shall try to stay away from it)..n let roshidah take over me hha!..after lecture was break then it was scriptwritin lesson..which wasnt that bad ar..it was actually educational(is dat the word?lol!)..mr.azhar brought us to e-learning lab where we surf this site(www.poynter.org) that was actually quite cool ar..then it was AV..TEST..dotz..n it was like a REal Test..threw me off abit la coz i was expecting easy, multiple-choice one..there was like 2 12mrks questions which i wrote onli v.little for both..n doodled alot like the drawings of the condenser mic n ribbon mic..dats wat my jc geog teacher taught me ar..dunno wat to write, DRAW..hopefully can score some marks :D..maybe tats y i got just a 'c' for the 'A's..maybe i shud've written more than spend time drawing n colouring..-.-"..

Anyway,we played around wif the boom mics after that which at first cracked me up when ms pereira tried to lay them up on the table..they reminded me of huge brooms..huge high-tech brooms wahaha..then she tok abt the cables n commented we had joined the 'female' bit to the mic..which cracked me up further la..so now we haf gender-specific equipment..the camera is 'male' while the boom mic is 'female'..dotz..lol..join together to become wat?my sec-sch best friend would really haf a blast esp wif her 'dirty' mind hha!Ahem..k..then the school day finally ended..then its 'happy'time wif the monkey..happy rare time to spend together this semester..

i guessed when we dont spend much time together that we really learn how to treasure each other more..not that we dont treasure in the 1st place ar..went to town to haf dinner at shaw..both of us ate the cheapskate $2.95 kfc meal..where the burger is really damn cute and small ar..then this 'santa claus' angmoh guy joined us at our table..y i said santa claus?coz he really looked like onela..but he got a gray beard..i tried to observe without being too obvious but he noticed me lookin so juz paiseh-ly smiled at him la..he got small blue eyes..reminded me of Christopher, the old man i tok to in the old age home few years back..i wonder if he's still around..i didnt keep my promise to him that i'll be back, and until today, i feel super guilty..Anyway, i jus said bye-bye to the 'santa-claus' guy when we're leavin..abit shy to start a conversation but it was fun juz starin at his beady blue eyes ..heh,santa claus landed in front of me w/o any presents :p..

Then my monkey n me walked all the way to PS to take the purple line train home..i guessed he missed sendin me home..w/ me endin sch late everyday,there's hardly a time where he could send me home during school days..=(..just gotta live..n learn to deal wif it..:D..Aww..*hugs*i missed my monkey..^^It was a short date but its better than nothing..at least, i got to be wif him for few hours just to makan a little.

At home,i crapped around wif my mum(she was in a gd mood) a little..found her at home starin at the tv screen which was showin the bollywood movie..then she exclaimed that she havent feed my sis dinner yet cos was watchin the show..she actually dragged my sis's huge wheelchair to the living room jus so she could feed and watcha at the same time..-.-..read the papers n saw Taufik on the cover page of LIFE!..teased mum at her 'adopted idolised son'..she's abigger fan than me lor!..dad got home awhile later(one of those rare nites where he come home)..so i had that little family gathering i always wished for..ok,my brother n his family wasnt around but its gd enuf i guessed..(when will i ever get to haf a nice bif family gathering w/o anyone else missin)..*wishful*..then mum n i went downstairs to get some food and ice-creams from 7-11..which i eventually vomited out due to my crazy stomach la..saw Paul at the traffic lite on the way home..he was gettin home after havin steamboat wif his poly friends..

N thats tat..for 2day at least..shall go n sleep instead of playin online daidee..g'nitez..

Tot of the day..When we are 2gether, there are times when we seemed to bump into elderlys who have difficulty boardin the bus, or findin their ways home or to the hospital..there was once when we bumped into an Indian tourist who lost her tour group in Sentosa..Tell me..are all these instances jus coincidental,or are we just fated to be together..n lend a helpin hand to them..

hmmz..nvm,i shall hug that thought to sleep..sweet dreams^^

14th of Jan 2005

2005-01-15T01:12:00.000+08:00

Oliver James' songs

2005-01-14T01:49:00.000+08:00

Long Time Coming

Everybody wants to be loved

Every once in a while

We all need someone to hold on to

Just like helpless child

Can you whisper in my ear

Let me know its all right

Chorus

It's been a long time coming down this road

and now I know what I've been waiting for

And like a lonely highway

I'm trying to get home

Love's been a long time coming.

You can love for a lifetime

You can love for a day

You can think you've got everything but

Everything is nothing when you throw it away

Then you look in my eyes

And I have it all once again

Chorus

Didn't know I was lost

Till you found me

Didn't Know I was blind

But now I see
Can you whisper in my ear

Let me know its all right

It's been a long time coming down this road

and now I know what I've been searching for

Been a long, long highway

And now I see

Love's been a long time

Oh been a long time

Love's been a long time coming.

------------------

Greatest Story Ever Told

Thank you for this moment

I've gotta say how beautiful you are

Of all the hopes and dreams I could've prayed for

There you are

If I could have one dance forever

I would take you by the hand.

Tonight its you and I together

I'm so glad I'm your man

And if I lived a thousand years

You know, I never could explain

The way I left my heart to you

That day. But if destiny decided

I should look the other way

Then the world would never know

The greatest story ever told

And did I tell you that I love you tonight?

I don't hear the music

When I'm looking in your eyes

But I feel the rhythm of your body

Close to mine.

Its the way we touch that sends me

Its a way we'll always be

Your kiss, your pretty smile

you know I'd die for

Oh baby, your all I need.

And if I lived a thousand years

You know, I never could explain

The way I lost my heart to you

That day.

But if destiny decided I should look the other way

Then the world would never know

The greatest story ever told

And did I tell you that I love you,

Just how much I really need you

Did I tell you that I love you tonight? (Repeat)

Aww,he's hot~

2005-01-14T01:17:00.000+08:00

Just watched 'what a girl wants' for the 2nd time on hbo, and its confirmed..oliver james is Hot!..damn smoldering hot..n his voice is amazingly warm..wow..he's damn hot..plus the voice,wow..i'm salivating..kiddin..been years since i like any actors from hollywood after kevin zegers(whose acting career didnt exactly take off n he retired from it n went back to normal life i tink..aww)..now its Oliver james..waah..his voice is damn very nice..*dreams*..i'm still waitin for the monkey to sing me the song he promised..'memories of life'..he teased mi abt it but then refused to sing it dotz....juz downloaded Oliver james' songs illegally n now its playin on my winamp..ahh,i'm swept away..hmm,bad girl me..

It's been a long time coming
down this road and now I know
what I've been waiting for
And like a lonely highway
I'm trying to get home
Love's been a long time coming

Thats a part of what he sang. i shall post his lyrics on the next post..aww,he's damn adorable n the lyrics are sooo nice..soo touchin..it made up the horrible day at school today..n i really meant horrible la..from the pt my monkey left mi till the last lesson ended,it was a complete horrible day ..i mean,the day sux..for me la..xcept for the time spent wif the slackers or teachin roshidah dai dee..maybe coz i didnt come yesterday so was a little out of tune..n today's filmin juz tuned mi out Further..honestly, i couldnt b bothered to film coz like khairiyah said, 10pairs of hands to one camera is simply too much n ridiculous la..obviously toes got stepped on somehow..n she got pissed off n defensive(sorri for tat girl,we didnt mean to get ur hackles up)..but i was already sianz also..sick n sianz..for me,today's filmin was disorganised,messy n ridiculous la..honestly but its OVER..heh,but got time to wash my eyes abit la when the likes of leslie kwok,ronald susilo, allan tern came to the auction..then the cast of Achar! came n i was like pretty happy ar coz Achar's 'mother' came whom i really like la..so jolly n dolly lookin,plump2 somemore..wish i could haf stayed on to watch her auction jacelyn tay's book but too sianz to bother..

then the day got worse when vc scolded my grp for not handin up the report on time n that we used a 'lie to cover another lie' as she puts it..wahlauz...I mean,seriously..first it was the filmin chaos that got to me..then as i watched the fishnet board they put up abt the tsunami,my mood went down further ar..at that pt, i really wanna break down already..until meemum n loolin asked mi to get lost from there coz they were filming the fisnet board..dotz..i mean all over asia,everyone else lives are RUINED..wateva modernisation they had try to fit into their life..wateva globalised changes they had try to adept to were RUINED..their LIVES are ruined,y are we singaporeans so blessed..sometimes i feel its unfair..i mean,these ppl whose lives were disrupted..their lives were already at a so-called BAD state..like not upscaled n modernised watsoeva..all they had were their simple lives n their fishin nets n their farms..ALL RUINED..at tis point, their lives start back again at SQUARE ONE..n we blessful singaporeans sittin safely in our hdb flats in our concrete technological jungle..

n still goin on our lives n squabblin like the kiasu singaporeans we are..such as tryin to rush n board the train or the buses while leavin behind the elderlys or the weak who's attemptin to walk over to the bus on her/his own..i mean,its DAMN sick la..y i said tis?coz i experienced tis on tuesday..there the old lady was hobblin on her gd foot at the front of the queue n everybody behind simply rushed over to the bus for fear the bus leaves without them..in their hurry,they could've topple the old lady down la w/o so much a glance..i'm not creditin myself or my dear for being thoughtful,but the least they could do is WAIT for the old lady to get up the bus la..wah lauz..in the end,the bus driver waited for us 3 to get up la..see?so wats the pt of rushin over to the bus when the driver is still gonna wait for the old lady n us..na na na na na serve u rite..heartless SICKOs *geram*..

*sighs*can see that i really havent recover all that much..still a bit flushed n feverish n v.tired..n sick n disgusted n i just missed havin my monkey wif mi..i was really lucky today to bump into him*happi*but he could only stay awhile b4 i had to start the ridiculous filming thingy..grr..today is a horrible day..but its worse for those whose lives are just startin over from..nothing..not even a fertile land to start wif..my heart goes out to them..i really wanna cry..*miserable*..

nvm,shall go n look at pictures of oliver james n listen to his 2 songs dat i downloaded..he's so hot..awww..

Happy birthday Caryn!

2005-01-14T01:02:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to u

happy birthday to u

happy birthday to caryn

happy birthday to u =)

To the omnipotent(the Swords girl,all powerful indeed..esp in daidee) girl in our midst of slackers, happi 18th birthday girl..now u can chase energy legally at zouk n chinablack n whereva places u were once "forbidden" to go okie;) hha..i felt so old..*grinz*happi birthday..sorri we didnt get to celebrate ur bday proper since u cao sch earlier than us anyway 2day..hope u had a great bday,n hope u like the present okie.cyaz in sch!

Better

2005-01-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

"For a love thats true, i'll wait forever. No matter how long it'll take, i'll be waiting for the moment when we'll be together one day.."

K,i took that from paul's msn nick n sort of edited it till it rhymed abit lah..does it make sense?*frowns*i like to think it does..does it?hee..anyway,i'm feeling better after aikido trainin at tcc today..sensei is ritez when he said that if ur sick n not feelin well, juz come for training..i did n i dont regret it..felt so much alive..

n i got to partner wif this girl whu can like 'talk' to me n pointed wats wrong n ritez..i felt so much encouraged..someone in the DOjo can actually TALK to me ..but really, i should try to listen more with my mind than instead of wantin ppl to talk..heh..gradin is comin up soon n i'm still scared ar..i think first time gradings are always the hardest coz u dunno wat to expect really..i haf no idea wat to expect..same goes for my first tkd gradin(wah so long ago..i felt so old)..my first black belt tkd gradin..n now v.first aikido gradin..wahh..i felt much more encouraged when i confided in my partner today that i haf no confidence to go thru the gradin..her reply was 'dont worry.nobody has. juz look ard n try to follow'.."-.- Dotz!!..Must feel more confident in myself liaoz..

didnt go to sch today(hi everybody!) but i went to acc Ming to the sub.courts since she wanted to get the feel of goin there n write reports..went into this court where it continued its session b4 lunch..n can see its a super long case la..somethin abt someone got beaten up by family members in the house n blood stains in the kitchen..like alot of ppl involved until both ming n mi like v.blur lor..then the damn lawyer kept askin stupid qns regardin the photographs taken at the crime scene where he went n ask the witness e.g 'Is this your house?','can you see the toilet from here?', 'can you please point out where is the fridge', 'how many blood stains do you see?'..'are the 2 blood stains taken the same?'..stupid la,i mean i noe its juz procedures but it took him like half hour jus to ask abt the entire kitchen -.-..i was like 'get on wif it!!'..finally he got on but its still v.lengthy..i tink abt 7-8 ppl were involved ..i dunno if the victim died anot lei..but i noe one of the agressors went somethin like 'he fucked my younger brother's wife.how can i not get involved?'..n the lawyer was like 'can u pls repeat that statement' to the translator who was helpin to translate the witness's words..n i was like 'whoa..the lawyer said 'fuck' twice..'..in court somemore..COOL..

We gave up halfway when the court adjourned for dunno y also n walked around somemore..the foreigner's court was closed for the day i tink..n we went into another court where the malay judge was damn fierce la..we sat there for few mins coz it was clearin out already..then we gave up for that day n went shoppin for shoes at chinatown..i tink Ming is the only one whu's willin to walk around chinatown lookin for shoes lor..i was abit worried i was boring her out but she didnt mind coz she juz wants to look for shoes n explore chinatown(where i wasnt really that familiar ar)..finally she bought at chinatown point n we split coz i had to go for trainin n she's goin home b4 goin clubbin wif her friend..*smiles*it was fun today ming,but too bad i wasnt feelin all that great to hang out wif..

As i had said, aikido today was better la..at least i dun feel dat demoralised as i always feel when i go for trainings at TCC...then got tis japanese girl senior who lookd like Sailormars or that girl from love hina who practised kendo..so pretty like a jap.ghost like fara said..never partner wif her b4 n i dun tink ill like too..fara said she's v.graceful but forceful..first time partner wif her you'll end up havin bruises..wow..wat kind of magic she used in aikido liaoz..O.O!think i better stay away from her or she'll eat mi up for trainings..

Nothin else to do already..maybe will go sleep n go sch 2morrow..tink its gonna b a busy day wif the shootin of the school's auction ongoin..*sighs*Still a bit tired,but hopefully the fever will go away soon so i can function much more normally at a much faster speed..now life is like a bit slow motion so feelin a bit sianz..

in my life,i tink i need to haf PE..aikido is not that strenous to really burn my carbs much or get me as fit as i was in pJ..at this rate,by 3rd yr,i'll b too unfit to even pass napfa..considerin i always get high points for napfa, the idea of gettin bronze or even failin is v.yucky..haiz..shant wori much,will go play online dai dee now :D..

n mingsia,dont worri abt ur 'problem' much,juz treasure the times u haf while it lasts..=)

FoggY

2005-01-11T15:11:00.000+08:00

Life for the past 2 days has been foggy..hazzy..blurry..headache-y..think comin down wif a flu but yet again, i cant be comin down wif it like NOw..when the projects are all whacking left,right, centre..blearh..n i'm still laggin weeks behind in accountin..dotz..*yawns*..n WW's lab lessons never seemed to make any sense..not much anyway,not when she's conjuring 'magic shows' like syaz said, wif the Excel program..well,its fascinating anyway...

Didnt get to start on the vc's group report coz the labs were all full..joined the rest at North canteen..where they were discussin the family week..which i tink i shud juz dropped out coz i havent been contributin much ar..n i cant stay back long 2day coz i'm gonna see the doctor..but not b4 a grp meetin ar..felt so bad*sighs*..

Not even goin for aikido or tkd trainings..:(..juz gonna c mr.doctor b4 headin home..well,the bright spark is dat my monkey's accompanyin mi after sch..*smiles*..yay..

Loving you

2005-01-10T01:52:00.000+08:00

*-Miss Congeniality-*

Gracie Lou Freebush: Yeah, I was dating him for a while because he told me he had an incurable disease...
All Girls: ooh.
Gracie Lou Freebush: Yeah, I didn't realize it was stupidity.

Ok,just watched Ms Congeniality for the 3rd time n i ended up online lookin for the script..which is awesome lor..its damn hilarious, n sarcastic, n witty..Salute the scriptwriter man..I tink its like the funniest script ever..Without even readin the script, the movie's already a stand-up on its own la..Combined wif the acting, it made a super duper funny movie..somehow, i tink its funnier than 'dodgeball' which is also a funny,but Lameness written all over it..*hugely satisfied*..so good~

Thought i saw him yesterday when i was wif my dear..Wearing white, he was like the 'angel' that i used to think of him..i didnt understand y alot of ppl dislike his attitude,probably i nvr will la..I tink it was him..he cut his hair n was neat, the way i used to remember him as..the way i used to like him as also..The moment i saw, i was like a bit stunned coz i knew his train stop home was before mine..it looked exactly like,the build everything..i tink it was him..n deep inside, i felt a tinge of the sadness of the 'luv' i used to harbour for him durin sec-school days n halfway thru jc life..which was like 3.5 years?

Lookin at J,i never regret being wif him..but lookin at the "lost luv" dat was standin in front of me,i couldnt help but thought 'what if'..Yet i knew that being wif my dear Is the 'right' choice..I looked at my dear, n i looked across to where 'he' was standin..Deep inside, i knew he saw..n he knew i saw..then he disappeared like suddenly..i tink he went into the minimart at the bus stop or he went back to take the train home..-sad-..i could've approached him but i never did..J was askin mi y i was lookin at the busstop when i'm already on the bus..i juz replied 'oh,i thought i saw a friend, thats all'..n thats all we'll ever be..All my friends were ritez,he simply played me out..

But wat he taught mi was valuable..the time i tot i "loved" him..those times were like playing a game.."love is like a game.its up to u if u wanna b a sore loser n gets hurt"..but eventually, life moves on..I did,he did..n i know i luv my monkey.*smiles* Times wif a monkey can get pretty rough, but nobody says life or even love, is easy..in this case, whateva happens, both of us will get hurt..its not just mi loving him,but him lovin me..its not a one-sided love affair where i'll be the only one who doesnt mind gettin hurt..as long as i knew he wont be hurt..I still play by this rule of mine..Never to hurt my monkey carelessly(though sometimes i did la, out of frustrations)..thats y i nvr use my skills against him..n he knew that damn well..

-You know it's worth it if ya find your heart-Bosson

I always will remember how I felt that dayA feeling indescribable to me, YeahI always knew there was an answer for my prayer

And you, you're the one for me

You're one in a million

You're once in a lifetime

You made me discover all of the stars above us

-Gotta keep the faith when all seems lost foreva-Diana Degarmo

What do you see

When you look inside your heart

A little thought

Can walk a thousand miles

And change your life

When dreams lead the way

The impossible is suddenly in sight

Every step you take

Just brings it all together

You gotta keep the faith

When all seems lost forever

Love you,monkey.*smiles*

its 6pm now..

2005-01-09T17:59:00.000+08:00

Um,lets observe the minute of silence in respect of the tsunami victims..but i can type ritez?hee..ok,i tink its been more than a minute but i shall continue keepin quiet..does the traffic stops too?coz i tink i hear the vehicles on the road also stopping..

First thing first,i Gave uP on my nose..it can run off for all i care!!since the start of the semester, its been tryin to run away..go la,b4 i pull it off once n for all..if J n I were to have kids in the future, our kids would be nose-less coz we both got bad sinuses -.-! Juz crappin la, no harm intended..

Anyway,i went for my 1st religious class after a v.long long time(since like sec 2 where i refused to come back n study anymore..i still dunno wat became of my exams results, dont tink i did well hha!!) This class is shorter n its nearer..n i'm draggin Raihan along next week for some company,yay!!..but the class is made up of younger teens..n i felt damn old la..worse still if they're smarter than me..i felt so bloody stupid but i shall persevere n learn, n not run off!! My prayers been answered, its time i stick to it..If raihan do come along, then after the lesson can go n bowl hha~..Oh ya,i almost brought my huge poker cards to the religious class coz it was in my back..damn farnie ar..imagine playin daidee wif the rest of the class when the religious teacher walks in..i shall stop my addiction..n learn other card games..lihui, teach mi spades soon k?somehow, i tink i'm a bit adversed to learnin bridges but dunno y also..J taught mi poker yesterday at BK hha..not that fun lo coz depends on luck, not strategy..

Somehow, i tink i came to poly n became more shallow in my thinkin(shame on me)..though my mind is still actively thinkin, its not thinkin deeper like i used to..As compared to my old diary, this diary seemed more casual n yah,shallowed..I guessed the absence of learning literature n mr yeo's lessons are takin an effect on me..i missed learnin abt lit..the freudian stuff, the underlying meanings of actions n words..the primal nature of Man n his possible beastiality..how his actions depict his subconscious state of mind..the archetypes of things like colours n nature..like wat lilies depict..argh,i missed lit!!i missed geog too..the plate tectonics, the slopes..the waves..the wrath of mother nature(but i can read that in the papers these days la..only that i Want more of the Geog info that i learnt-which of course is not written in the papers la-how many journalists learn geog anyway)..It'll be fun if poly got such modules...or even psychology modules like nursin students haf la..i want deeper-meanin modules!!not like how to Manage this n that n especially not manage accounts!!Even MDA ppl are Scared of ACCOUNTS..i mean its fun la i mus admit, but do we REally need to Know all this to work in the media industry?..All the good media ppl learnt from experience lor..

Knowing mi, i'll incur more bad debts than anyone else lor..i cant remember how many times i paid 10cents or 20cents or even a dollar for the kids or elderlys whu came to my workplace n were short of money..dotz..There was this MINDS student whu came to buy drink n didnt haf money..guessed wat,i paid lor!!which was fine by me la, but if anyone else noe, i'll sure b scolded for being too kind..haiz,i'll make my company bankrupt faster than anyone ar..Can even donate alot of money when i myself dun haf money to spend on myself..where got ppl who's broke donate so much money..haiz..

K,shall stop n go bugis now..i am hungry again..^^

Thereafter..

2005-01-05T01:10:00.000+08:00

The horrible weekend is over..Monday's blues are over..Tuesday is over..wah,its 5th Jan already..Hey,itz 1 year exactly to when i started workin at Cheers..too bad,i quitted b4 my 1 year is up..I missed workin there(of course la.its been like so long!)..n ya,still havent return the uniforms:D..Missed Meng Yong,Brenda,Yati..but definitely not the TL or Manager..missed my old BIC though..

My sis is still crying..like 4days liaoz..n my mum is super tired out already..n my dad dun seemed to give a damn as usual..n i felt guilty that these 2 days i've been out at sch until super late coz of classes n training..tomorrow too would be another late day coz of extra training..*sighs*

SEnsei came back to teach today, after like a month's leave..maybe the sch nvr pay him to teach in December..Missed his wise words..n funny tales abt himself n aikido..when he came back to teach, everyone dont play play anymore, even mi n fara hee..i dont mean to play play la but sometimes i really wish can like Talk n Ask qns in the dojo,it'll be MUch Much easier..plus the facts i missed the HQ's trainings alot of times too..cannot tahan being slammed around by the seniors at HQ..."-.- They'll make mi regret learnin aikido..Learnt alot from sensei today..how manners r v.impt to a person..how Strength is not valuable but 'ki' is..i tink 'ki' meant inner strength of someone..Ai is harmony of course..so its wat?the art of harmonising your inner strength martial art?hee..somethin like dat la..N he said that being a small person doesnt mean you'll be easily overpowered..in fact, its the other way round..if u haf much 'ki' dat is..Gradin is on 6th Feb..argh,i'm gonna die lor!!

Read yirang's blog abt jc days..yea,i missed it too n i still havent collect my certificate:D..Jc days really made one grew up i guessed..i knew i did somehow..for sure, from my old blog, i knew that jc days were my toughest yet; the soured relationship btw my dad, the demands of jc schoolwork, the feeling of 'loss' i had coz i was like in totally new environment in the west..the struggles to succeed or simply tryin to cope with the workload, or even trying to learn how to 'study smart' n not hard..heh,i guessed i nvr really learn that last one coz see where i am lo..but i screwed up my Maths paper on my own..Remembered how i let my family prob affected the paper i was sittin for the day after..remembered how lost, n blur i was doing the paper..dun even noe wat i was doin la..but thx gdness i still scrapped by wif an 'E'..Still,it wasnt gd enuf..In jc, my results were never gd enuf ar for both the teachers n myself..the only 'A' i got was the v.first geog test in j1..

Of course, the frennies..though i dun really noe most of them in depth in j1, j2 really tested our bond n strength..tryin to shove the schoolwork n tests n exams off our shoulders together..tryin to inspire others while tryin to believe in myself..i dun really noe many ppl in pj though but i really loved being ard the tkd ppl apart from the frennies ar..Sylvia,isabelle,yu han,edmund,wei ru all..Saw the 3 guys recently n i was so freaking happi ar..didnt recognise them at first but was like totally overjoyed when saw them..coz like a year gone by without seein them..Missed the PJ training..yar,i noe jessie buggin us to reply to her email abt the PJ tkd alumni but none of us like bothered hha!!..jessie..har,dun like her dat much either..still dun for dunno y..Can swear by that PJ trainin is MUCh MUch better than NYP lor!..though not as much events like friendly matches, its more structured n bonded coz jc batch of taekwondoists are usually v.small onli ar..HOw we trained like every wed(when its a short day n everyone else disappear) in the Atrium of the school which is at the Entrance of the school n near the principal's office so Everybody whu walks past can SEe us SO Clearly in WHITE doboks..How we rushed to be near the library coz got aircon blowing out hha..Hey,the results like comin out soon too ritz..wah,damn fast..

N yea,my monkey came back..sweet..missed havin him ard these past few days..thx for comin back into my life..*smileS*

Nitez all

2005-01-04T01:34:00.000+08:00

Today..was a cardless day..felt a bit lost,coz my cards n my monkey wasnt around..2morrow my cards will be back..n yea,i believed, my cards do not haf to recognise me coz it grew up liaoz:P!..dats y its so 'big'..

got like alot of breaks as usual,since its a monday..the first half of it we wasted it on Meemum tellin us our fortunes n answerin our qns wif her tarot cards..though i was sceptical to believe it(muslims are not to believe in this kinda stuff anyway ar)..it was pretty fun all around la..some of the fortunes were quite predictable, like how Caryn is a 'powerful' person where success matters alot..n bifeng's one revolve around money..n roshidah's one is quite cute-there'll b a guy in her life after 6mths but for now,he's just droppin hints on her which 6 of us dont seem to get so we haf to wait until later half of tis year to know la..lihui's n mine was quite bleak..mine gotta do wif separations n break ups n money..which, in my current situation,is v.likely..*sad*..like MM said, i'm 'cups' person which i noe is super true la..n lihui gonna haf a "bad" financial yr or somethin ritez..nvm,we 2 are gonna haf bad years so shall stick together n rub the "bad" luck off together kk??PLus ur CNY is coming so the "year" is like endin for u ritez?..But hey,my career job prospects is damn good so must work harder twds it..n i still not sure wat it is though hee..Funny how lihui n mine fortunes seem to b quite similar:D..Fate

The second break i slept for awhile coz wasnt feelin well..had headaches whole day,maybe will haf flu..rachel,lihui,alex n bifeng were playin bridges if not wrong..then got lecturer walked past n scold..but i was too drowsy to even noe who he was la so continued sleepin..woke up after a bad dream abt the monkey n funnily,i woke up n wanted to eat prata..which i didnt get to eat coz we all went to North canteen instead..then played daidee where my luck is lousy all the way,didnt win a single game but caryn n rachel were fighting it out all the way..caryn even lost her temper when she didnt win..but she won in the end..duno la,lost count..

Gonna sleep now...i noe..bad dreams await me..as it has done for the couple of days..sweet dreams to the rest

2005-01-03T23:29:00.000+08:00

Got this feeling you're not gonna stay

It's burning within me

The fear of losing

Of slipping away

It keeps getting closer, baby

Whatever reason to live that I've had

My place was always beside you

And I wish that I didn't need you so bad

Your face just won't go away..

================

And everytime I try to flyI fall

without my wingsI feel so small

I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams

I see your face, you're haunting me

I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain

Please forgive me

My weakness caused you pain

And this song is my sorry

====================

Before i started to dig out all the cheesy lyrics,i guessed i better leave it as dat..After a horrible weekend, i guessed there's nothin worse to be scared of already..so will juz look forward to the new week tat is stretchin b4 me..whether i'll b walkin thru it on my own,with my friends, or if he decides to come back to my side, i know for sure..i'll be walkin the days thru..one by one..slowly..alone?*shrugs*who knows..Gee,i sound as though i'm already on my own once more..*grinz*who knows maybe i am..or will be..?Watch the space..by my side..for someone whu dunno how to appreciate her loved ones,i deserved to be on my own once more ar..BUt i'm really happy for someone whu had Finally gotten together wif the one he loved for so long..FOr every bad thing that happens, there'll b a gd thing that happens to someone else..ya,i guessed its really true..*hugs*so happy for u K!!

One hell of a ride!!

2004-12-30T01:28:00.000+08:00

IN the mornin,i was blardy frustrated wif my ankle so i wasnt in that good a mood in sch..but what happened after sch was pure craziness..simple,pure madness..we r the 'sanest lunatics'..

After school n after some short meetin,went off to spend time wif the monkey..didnt noe where to go so we ended up in queenstown where we sat down at a bus stop, ate buns n drank a lychee drink(wif lychees!)..the shop where we bought from was really gd service ar..its realli the 'your friendly neighbourhood cafe' as its called..so nice..then went to QSS..didnt buy anythin but the shirts all look the same in every shop o.o..i like this one shirt called 'this is my friend' n it showed a picture of a monkey..hahaha!went to Ikea,no..b4 dat went to AH n c the historical landmark-the WW2 underground tunnel..so cool but it was closed so cannot explore..went to Ikea,the chicken wings wasnt halal so he refused to eat(he was quite disappointed but he refused to eat since i cant eat)..then we went from 1 bus stop to another to find the bus that goes to JE so i can finally meet my jc friends..i was super late!super duper late..n i missed spendin time wif him..our timetables are horrible tis sem.around..really clash so hardly get 2 be wif him..dun even haf same lunch break unless i cum to sch earlier..which i'm tryin..

Boarded the bus 927 from cck..n i tot i landed in China..n i tot it seemed more that i was the tourist,not the rest of the ppl(who spoke the same language,with the same accent and carried the same open-mouth expressions;suaku probably)..whu pressed the bell at the wrong stop, n wanted to go down at that wrong stop but the driver refused to let them go down coz he apparently knew they were not plannin to go to Mandai Orchid Gardens(which was probably closed too) n that their destination was the nite safari..n they went like 'oyyy..(foreign language ensued)..'..THe whole journey,i was goin 'Dotz dotz dotz..i'm in china'..Anyway,was fallin asleep when..

Addy knocked on the window of the bus so i knew i reached liaoz ..reached where?nite safari ..in the middle of the SCHOOL week..at like 8pm ??I wasnt the onli one late,but the other 2 was super duper late(came after dinner)..n c'belle joined after her shift ended..V.fun..everyone change a lot..looked a lot better(wonderin y the hell i'm still the same..ya,i refused to change 'Me')..looked a lot happier..became alittle wilder?(as compared to jc days..)..but ALL OF U Looked damn gorgeous(even Hani-Monroe..)..Amelia learnt to drive n she drove 2nitez..damn cool lor her car(or is it her dad's?)..7seater but in the end,10 of us squeezed in "-,-..She told us damn farnie story abt her "tragedy" wif her car which stalled recently(c'belle,d u finally catch her story?The rest of us heard it earlier until can die laughin...)..I dont tink i wanna share Here coz i'll definitely b murdered..After dinner,all squeezed into her car..which took quite awhile coz muz like really strategise to fit everybody in..dotz dotz..n must restrategise back once Addy n Joy got off at cck..damn cramped..really like human sardines n the other drivers on the road not helpin lor..the indian couple whu stared n laughed their heads off at us..the Malay woman driver whose eyes opened so HUGE when she saw us sardines..i didnt dare look after dat..so embarrassing,but damn fun..though it was really HUman Sardines..

Amelia dropped the rest at CB n me at PS to take the train home..thx gdness still got train lo(last train at 1203am heng ah..)..wasnt sure abt the bus so i took bus 13 tat dropped quite far off from my blk ..which is definitely nearer than being stck at potong pasir station..

Reached home eventually..except for addy n joy,the rest went clubbin..even hani..smsed val(whu is confirmed at CB,ladies nite mah..) to help watch out for them coz they're all girls wif no guys ard so pretty risky..n yah,i've 4gotten the lyrics of PJ sch song..i knew its v.nice,i like it..but heck,i cant remember it..unpatriotic me..still havent get my cert too..:D..nitez

Note to Jady..hey, i noe u were hospitalised n all so how've u been..c la,drink so much..haf a gd rest at home(i tink ur discharged since ur blog is like updated?) ok..i'll get back to u on msn as soon as i can find u online somehow(without u being away watchin tv or sumthin..)..

Nitez all~

Pain

2004-12-29T01:31:00.000+08:00

Everyone's in pain..huge pain than me..pain i could never understand no matter how much pain i tink i have deep inside..In regard to the Huge disaster that had happened,and is still happening..its jus widespread pain..full of it..the whole of Asia's in pain..terrible,unsurmountable,unimaginable pain..unforgettable..Thank God for Singapore's being sheltered by Malaysia n Indonesia(as seen from the map)..but if the earthquake had happen on the other side of the ocean(the SOuth China Sea.GO haf a look at the map..or the ST..)..Singapore'll b v.much exposed..n i dont tink i'll b sittin here bloggin~Seriously O.O

Anyway, in short i'm in pain..too..blardy hell either twisted or sprained my right ankle(my ankles are turnin left n right AAAAAAAAAAaaaargh!)..First it was the left ankle..so now its the Other ankle..blardy hell,i'm blardy frustrated..n it was juz 2 rounds of sparrin wif a Crazy white belter from SMU..after 2 years of no sparring, i really 'died' man..even wif a white belter..sparrin was 'blunt' and i was 'gentle'-Something i was Never associate with when i spar..blardy hell..wat am i turnin into..in aikido,i'm violent..in tkd,i'm gentle..WTF..pain..*hung head in shame*..Give me a cave,somebody..Aikido was ok la,got partnered wif a girl with same blurness as me..n she thought i was the 'blur' one..diaoz!Wateva LA..n the tall,black belter guy is Freaky, n told us both off for being too tense..n he was doin his ballet twirls when he bumped into Dawn n didnt even apologise,so rude!..but it was the 1st time i went home after trainin by myself..=(..went home wif misery by my side..what a painful,lonely end to a '2trainings' day..........

AaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
BLARDY HELL..

Not a part of your life..not anymore

2004-12-23T02:36:00.000+08:00

Was surfin thru friendster then came across tis frenz of mine whu had moved away v.long ago then i realised..i'm not a part of her life anymore..well,mayb not a big part as i used to be..i mean we were neighbours ..n p.sch buddies(till pri.3?) till she moved..to her new school,new neighbourhood,new life altogether..n i wasnt a part of that 'new life'..pretty sad ritez..but tats how life is i guess..Was lookin at her photo,n she looked exactly the same..flamboyant creature she is ar..always change her mind abt love thus kept changin her bf like changin clothes..but deep down,just a normal sweet friend..i was there when her parents' marriage were on the rocks..i saw the horrid part..i saw the end..i saw,but i,unlike her,is just lookin,not participatin..her mum's 2nd marriage came n a new family all born..n she grew up..wif the typical teen angst..all the typical teen experiences tats up n down..but i wasnt ard..coz w/o knowin,we juz drifted apart ar..esp wif the distance(she lives in extreme east,i lives in the centre)..the onli communication we got was when she visited her grandpa livin in my block..now she visits too,but nvr come up to my hse to chit chat like she used to do..now the onli communication we had is once in a blue moon sms..usually mi smsin her n she'll go 'who're u.i changed my no so i cant recognise ur no..'..sad ar..Missed her also..she was the first close friend i found after my best friend passed away .. Tt time when i had my friend,i hated her coz she would b wif her 2 sisters n glarin at mi n i'll b glarin back..??den we became friends..den she moved..now we're barely friends..

THen i looked at my other pri.sch friend whom i'm not so close but whom i always tot was like the belle of the school..she still is i tink..in those schools she went..but she looked diff..maybe coz she drew her eyebrows till looked like anime-sharp kinda eyebrows..not close but she always has her own life..which i always tot was an idealistic one..i wonder if her grandma is still ard..n her less-abled sis..dats the thing tat bonded us..we had less-abled sisters..but thats it..

The onli thing tyin us together is memories..which i dunno if the abv ppl still has them la..*shrugs*..Life is like the central train station or Cityhall..Anyway,all the best to her,the close friend whom we had grew apart from..life wasnt easy on her since young,hope she stays the gd but mischievous friend she always was to me..

Memories passed u by in different train stops..howeva,u cannot go back to the same station u once were at..U may looked thru the end of the train where the windows are(nel trains la) but like the nel train,wat u see thru it is dat the stops u once were at gets farther n farther away..till nothin more than a speck of light..n eventual darkness..*sighs*..tis is a depressing issue..nitez!

'Not a part of your life..not anymore..but we still havent say goodbye..so see ya till wheneva'

SPinNinG

2004-12-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

MY head spinning,boy i'm in a daze..feel isolated,dont wanna communicate..-All saints..Nice nice old song 2 describe mi ritez now..

For some reason,i can go mad n my head can juz explode wif weird ideas which to me Will Work..if only i'm not too lazy..first thing first..my day today..jasper's birthday..

It was sweet n everything started out fine..was smsin his classmate(whu nvr reply his smses!irritatin) to arrange where to haf the cake n all n he and the rest of the grp went to j8 swensen first(since the monkey is waitin for mi in sch)..Yea so he got his 1st birthday friends celebration of his life(so happi!) thx to his classmates..n he was damn hapi,so obvious from his face..initially he was accusin mi of sabo-ing him but he was too hapi just to haf his frenz ard him..At first, he didnt suspect anythin at all(i am dat gd hha..kiddin)..so he tot i juz wanna go swensen n eat which was ok..then i jus walked in without waitin for the staff to find us seats(we already had seats since his classmates waitin mah)n he was resistin,tinkin i'm that crazy to juz walk in n find us seats myself..then he saw his classmates n his eyes brightened obviously..lalala n the rest is history..^^ mission accomplished..

As we were on the way home, we started discussin abt pool n y there isnt one in our school..he'll b the 1st to join(and so does kk hha..)..n i spent the whole time in the bus thinkin abt it(it was a long trip home)..then i tot of huiwen whu actually set up an interest grp b4 so i asked her a few qns n she was like 'u muz write a business proposal n ur mentor will help u wif the rest if everythin is feasibly work out'..tat is like gd,not gd n not sayin anytin much..BSS used to have one..so i went home n checked on the net abt other schools interest grps..n none haf billiards or pool..cept for ntu..n i wonder y...i'm stil wonderin y..y ar?After tat my mind went wild la

I mean,a bowlin club is everywhere n i tink its just as expensive or more expensive than pool/billiards ar..bowling is even listed in the IVP games tournaments..but there's NOthin on pool..y ar?i'm stumped,someone pls enlighten mi lei..

Then i started tinkin of a Black belt martial arts club..which i tink will b so damn cool la..i mean, can learn from each of them the martial arts that they possess..exchange pointers..raise awareness..even sparrin..then like silat vs. tkd sparring..or wushu vs.kendo weapons sparrin..damn cool..then learn the different rules n cultures n terms..i mean,i tink there are black belters in the school(like me)whu feel lost when joinin the sch's martial arts club ar since obviously,they may not b from the same club where they learnt from..if get together n formed one black belt club,then it'll b damn cool ar..but may arise alot of tension n rivalries..then see all the black belters perform together durin Martial Arts Night..*dreams*..wats more interestin is the respective martial arts ppl can learn from each other too lo..arr..so cool so cool..i'm off to a faraway martial arts dreamland liaoz..but like this,must haf alot of respect n tolerance..coz there'll b alot alot of hypocrisy ard..but hypocrisy exist everywhere..i'm off i'm off..oh yea,this is inspired by the black belt club that Sir opened recently..mayb can ask him sponsor the trainings wahaha..so cool~

Dats it..i'm floatin off...oh ya..then there'll b aikido techniques vs. other martial arts' unarmed defence techniques..WOoOw..den the sensei(s) n Sir(s) n Ma'am(s) come together..er,that'll b too political already..i shall continue dreamin..

Hearings

2004-12-22T01:44:00.000+08:00

Mi went to the Sub.courts!Maybe i really shud make it my next hangout coz it was pretty fun..but the place itself is v.depressin~Though a bit suaku at first,it turned out pretty fun at the end...At first we(mi,lihui,caryn,bf,roshidah,maomao)walked ard since we dunno where to go or what to do..and for fear dat we may get arrested at any moment, so we juz wandered ard like lost sheep..Then this policeman suddenly came out of some court n told us kindly to go the foreigners' court while waitin 4 the 11am court-in-session to begin..n it was pretty fun..at least to me ar..

The foreigner's court is mostly for those illegal immigrants n those charged for overstayin..n the proceedings were damn fast ar..hardly a minute then the ppl got charged liaoz..its like the judge is playin with a dice underneath his table when he deals out the punishment lor..1mth,4strokes..6mths,8strokes..blah blah..damn quick,damn efficient..n damn stern..if i were them, i would go back to my home country n mark a big red cross in the world map where s'pore is lor..After awhile we left then stood around to gossip awhile b4 headin to court 24..then meemum said somethin abt most of the foreigners were livin in the queenstown area which cracked mi up coz these ppl were actually from Queenstown prison lol..

Court 24 damn slow..the judge took his own sweet time or he was busy wif other courts..then we sat ard like weirdos wif our notebooks n pens..n the families of those accused were starin at us like we were,yah,weirdos hha..Bored,started doodlin lo...i doodled one page full liaoz..howeva,..b4 the session start,then got a few policemen around..1 of them treated the place like his own home; used the phone n sat on the table like nobody's bz..then got one of them super cute..he was the highlight in my point of view the whole time heehee..until he came to the door n shouted to the accused(who jumped bail)'s sister:"hey you,come in. i said come in. the court's waiting for you.I said,come in"..so fierce until a bit scared liaoz..but he was still damn cute la..hee..monkey,ur still cuter la ;)..

K la,the session started n the prosecutor spoke damn fast we hardly catch wat he's speakin..all i noe is 1 jumped bail,1 got 6&4mths imprisonment for dunno wat offence after he pleaded leniency since he got a 4yr old daughter..if he noe in the 1st place he got a daughter,y did he do wateva offence he did...then got 2 bloody stupid juveniles being charged for an equally dumb offence of 2attempted robberies.."-,-..Obviously,while waitin for o'level results,they had nothin betta to do..bloody stupid idiots..n the one they had to rob?one of the accused's ex-employer..damn diaoz,bloody stuppid..Ok,we left soon after coz everyone's clearin out n left onli us.. i didnt want the judge ask us wat the hell we doin there after all the charges had been made..

So we ended up somewhere wif a KFC(somewhere coz i dunno where.put me in chinatown n i'll declare myself 'lost')..then this family whose relative was accused came around n ate juz besides us lor..i tink they didnt dare speak too much abt the accused since we recognised them, n they recognised us..n we knew them,but they dunno who the hell we are hha..armed wif notebook n pens,but no identification passes at all dat we're reporters or wat..After dat,we walked walked a bit n split up thereafter..the 4 went on to kovan to do their project while meemum went to meet alex,n i went off alone to find the monkey's present..Realised i can really spoil him wif all the presents i wanted to buy for him which i tink he needs la..oh well,had a great time anyway^^

Went off to aikido after dat..it was much betta than the last wk's one ar coz i tried to focus n pull myself together betta..partnered wif fara too(n she's improvin alot lo,compared to messy me)..i keep missin trainings(at tanglin) coz i hate it there..i mean,i luv it there but i hate it when i got thrown ard by the rough seniors..felt like kickin them upside down..grr..so rough ergh..really scared for gradin coz i really dunno much lo..both of us were like crackin the angmoh stand-in instructor..but i noe if sensei comes back to nyp,we'll b dead for sure lo..i mean,i was like laughing at some pt until cant stop..thx gdness Sirch(the stand in instructor)let us off n even helped us..he even thanx us for makin the mistake so he can alert the class abt it..lol!..hopefully can practise more soon(hopefully durin breaks)......

Freakin MaggotS!!

2004-12-20T02:15:00.000+08:00

I hate Maggots!it is the TOp of my Unrest.i have Maggot-phobia as of now on!FrEeaky..Here's what happened..

I was done cooking my noodles n i smelled somethin bad from my room..which i guessed(unfortunately correctly)was from my plastic bag of my latest seashells which my monkey picked for me...i didnt had the time to clear n sort them out until it hapened..Maggots!Freakin everywhere maggots inSide the bag from dunno where n why..thx gdness i didnt opened the bag there n then in my room but rather dump the whole contents into the basin in the toilet...Then i saw a spider crawling..dat wasnt so creepy..den i saw white stuff wigglin ard the basin(which was blue)..n i know for sure that its Maggots..its Freakin maggots..Wah lauz,i lost my mind n juz sprayed everythin wif the hose at full blast..its creepy crawly maggots..urgh,bloody urgh!N spiders were not supposed to b killed in malay belief..i dun care abt the spider,i juz wanna rid the bloody white stuff wigglin ..U noe wats worse than wigglin maggots?its floating maggots,dead or undead..URrgh..

So i went back to my room,attemptin to eat my just-cooked noodles when i realised..they seemed like longer maggots..arrgh..n i freaked lihui out when i told her dat..but its true..swimmin in the curry..the noodles were eerily parallel to the maggots floatin inside the water in the toilet..Urrgh..nonetheless,i gave up eating..so i went back to the toilet,full of bravado..

"i cant do it.i can. No, i cant.AAAAAAAAAAAargh" that was basically my reaction when i reached the toilet..my attempt to rid the maggots n save my seashells basically went out of the toilet bowl..i rushed out of the toilet n my mum was like'maggots ritez?serve u right. Dont tink i'll help u coz u know how much i hate those crawlies more than u'..i was like 'Mummmmmm!Call Airil(my cousin whu stayed wif me) to clear them for me..'..I ranted like a mad girl for few mins b4 she gave in n further sprayed the maggots out for mi...worse still,she put soap n more water so dat the maggots would rise up to the surface n it'll b easier to separate the seashells..I super wanna faint liaoz..dead maggots surfacing?it is Enuf..i'm feelin woozy liaoz..n creeped out..n freaked out..n light-headedness is startin to set in..ugh..i got goosebumps juz tinkin abt it..

Let me sit down..or better still,get some sleep...urgh..woozy woozy me..gdnite~

Sori lihui for freakin u out too,i couldnt help it!:D..

Its a brighter day yay yay

2004-12-18T01:47:00.000+08:00

^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^.."when two different worlds come together, its a brand new world"-(Summer Breeze of Love)..

Feelin pretty happy 2day..first of all is b'coz term break is Finally Here!!!!!!!!hip hip hooorayy,yippeeee..though i must admit i wasnt being a gd student for the past 3 weeks..kept mourning over the shortened holidays n how everyone Else are having their holidays..hey,but its Over..the 3wks i mean..now must be strong(&Healthy) for the next 10weeks..must 'up' my grades hopefully, n betta start payin attention to WW's finance acct stuff..i mean,i got the gist but i'm still hopeless when it comes to balancing the balance sheet..n i'm clueless when it comes to tis mornin's lecture coz was doodling ard wif caryn n her 2 'buns' clip..thx so much for the x'mas present lihui!!it was out of the blue, n a super pleasant surprise to end these 3weeks of sch!*grinz*

After school,went off to find the monkey whu was late as usual coz he was stuck wif his RO game..was gettin pretty sleepy waiting so i walked everywhere-from the pasar malam to this fashion to the shoppin centre..i realised i can't stand being motionless..i gotta move..n move fast..anywhere as long as i'm moving..dats y i knew i can never haf a deskbound job..Then off we went to TM..juz had a normal dinner n we went off to search for stars..literally..it was a clear nitez ar so it was a pretty gd nitez to see stars..i managed to locate the Orion!!n the pot that circled it as MInli pointed out at the last..bbq/birthday/chalet??..but i still cant locate the 7sisters..as i said,onli the '7sisters' could locate the '7sisters' cluster of stars..or mayb i'm juz blind..Then as we were watchin then there's like lots of cats around which is like so cool..n we started makin up stories abt them..

At first, got 3 cats like lined themselves up..n we were like 'ok,they're on a race,its abt to start,they're preparing themselves-ready,on your mark,get set..wait' hahha..n there was this another cat by the sidelines whom we called 'the referee'..

yet the race like nvr start n 1 of the 'contestants' like fallin asleep...then 2more cats came up and we called them 'the audience'..yet the race still nvr start wahaha..My theory was that the 'referee' dunno how to use the whistle,or he/she lost it..then the 'contestants' start leavin one by one followed by the referee..then the 'scene' ended..

After awhile,the cats came back n it was a new scene..this time there were 2cats..J n me speculated that they were havin an affair..n then another cat came up from behin n i was like 'ok,this one is the wife followin those two on their affair' when J pointed out to me 'but its male'..and i was like 'ok,the husband is following them..' n he was like diaozz..It was a short scene as all the cats 'talents' walked off..Then he started scaring them off one by one as we were makin our way home..n there was a couple nearby whu were lookin at us like we were Insane hha..i was like 'hey cat,shoo,get away from this crazy boy monkey'..

we spotted some more stars in the sky n it was super beautiful ar..my whole world(ok,not totally whole without my friends n family)was like laid out there..the stars,the night sky,the cats and him..oh ya,we spotted kittens n he scared them away too wif his monkey antics "-,-...Funny how,even wif all the family problems i'm facin now wif my dad,cousin everthing,life still haf cute ways to cheer mi up..

Stars,planets lightenin up the darkened sky..in their own ways/paths or without being directed,they formed their own identities(the orion,the sisters,the zodiac signs..) n laid out their destinies for us earthlings to study n appreciate..i lurvve the nite sky..though sometimes starin at it too much give mi nightmares..

Tuesday my classmates n i had to go Sub courts for hearings..i asked my family'where is sub.courts?i need to be there'..and they went 'why?What happened?why do you need to attend a hearing?"..n i was like 'umm,coz i'm endin up in jail'(Choy!)but that wasnt as farnie as how we crapped abt it on the way home from sch 2day..how azhar takin the risk to make us go there n write reports,and how if the whole class go 2gether, the courtroom would be empty coz we frighten everyone away..n how we'll ask the judges n lawyers stupid qns or give stupid comments;)...and if we got caught for misbehaviour,we'll b calling him to bail us out n he went like 'if u haf 1number to call,dont call me'..y cant we go 'high courts'..that'll b super cool arr..roshidah said the accused were put in glass boxes n underneath there'll b a cellar that leads to the prison..so cool~Mayb the courts would be one of my new places to hang out hahaha..

:) nitez~it'll b an interesting week,happi holidays~

Everythin came together again

2004-12-17T01:35:00.000+08:00

"I will be the petrol station that keeps you goin on your journey"-Alex...isn't that sweet?I'm a sucker for korean dramas(heh!) and his grp's idea was like so 'korean/jap' storylines(Esp wif the korean characters in their teaser) dat i felt like crying after watching it..so bitterly sweet..awww..i'll be your first audience to watch if it ever gets produced..providin got subtitles lo ^^..

Anyway,today was a pretty sweet day la..It started out as me wakin up earli just to have breakfast(of carrot cake,yay!!i lurvve carrot cake!) on my own b4 goin to sch...and i was late coz it was such a heavy breakfast and i couldnt move fast enuf to get to sch on time wahahaha..besides that,my sandals were hurtin mi for some strange reasons so dat impeded my movements..AV lecture was pretty fun wif the makeshift cameras(abit lame ar but still fun:D) dat we did wif ms kannan..dunno wat crank up/down,extreme close shot..wide angle shot blah blah..it was..informative?hha..Then after dat i made my way down to monkey's house cos i promised him i'll come ard wheneva i had a 4hr break..but 2day i couldnt really spent all 4hrs at his house coz had to cum back to sch to finalise the pitching/presentation dat we had after the break...As usual, i had fun trying to hide his *smelly* little pillow tat his mum made for him like eons ago hhaha(ur secret is exposed monkey;))..his non-productive chincillas were sleeping so i couldnt feed it..Anyway,i stayed for like a few mins b4 havin to make my way back(painfully) to school..Didnt get to c him after tat coz he was havin dinner wif his family..which is kinda good so i can actually go home n rot...n i did,and i fell asleep while waitin for 'achar' to start:(

The pitching was ok i think...almost every grp got bombarded wif qns from the class n mr.chia was in his 'i'm more experienced than u n i tink u should do this this this that to make ur presentation better' which left mi pretty scared..dat i was fannin myself n syaz was like 'y r u fannin urself?its freakin cold in here'..didnt realise that rachel was goin to give a summary of the entire plot nor did i noe they were playin the first 2 slides as a teaser so i started blabbin until they asked mi to hold on..i was like'oh ok..'(major OOops!Real sorry ppl)..Yikes..but everythin went ok la..it was onli 5mins so it shouldnt b such a big deal ritez..n i like most of the other grp's ideas..i was major pleased tat chin teck was crazy abt Our idea on M.A.U hee..if only we can actually produced the whole thing,that'll b so coool..

Anyway,went home wif the rest as usual ..bought ice-cream from the ice-cream man(so nice!) n we merged wif maxine,chin teck,alex? n syaz on the way(whu kindly waited for us to finish our ice-creams) n went home 2gether-gether after dat..bought sushi on the way home(yay,my 2nd fave food eaten on the same day!) n got myself all heaty tat i ended up wif sore eyes n runny nose after my nap..boo boo..

Realised that my dad kicked my cousin out of the house again!and he quietly informed him until my mum n i were like caught by surprise..even worse, we found out that he actually went all the way to inform my auntie to get my cousin out of the house(damn mean,pissed us off)..ALso realised that my parents quarreled yesterday nitez(no wonder everythin was like pitch dark when i came home..)..my dad was being like 'hey,this is my house n i'll do wat i like. I dont care wat ur precious daughter wil tink abt it coz TIs is my house'..heck..la..its your house huh?then shall my mum,sis n me move out then?then it'll simply be 'Your house' and not 'ours'..*pissed off*..anyway,my mum n i cant do anythin then since dad had the nerve to actually ask my aunt to take her son away from the house n back to the village(where his faimly lives)..point is,he's a true blue singaporean,he wont settle for anythin less ar..so it'll come back to square one where he'll be livin all over the places of whom he noe..sad..n i tot his stay here is goin to b permanent..i tink he tot so too..>.<

achoo

2004-12-17T01:18:00.000+08:00

its been weeks n i'm still havin my sinuses..real bad..n i hate it..i mean,if the nose wanna run away,go and run away,stop tryin to pull my face off n makin mi sneeze..n its like anythin i'll also sneeze..be it enterin an aircon room, or exiting..or opening my cupboard to boardin a bus..i kept sneezing,and its a pain..its givin mi a headache, n draining me out..i darent switch the fan on tho i'm super hot n yah,i'm sneezin as i'm typing..i'm not havin the flu..its jus the damn sinuses..will sayin damn get mi censored?i am so not well...but at least the presentation's over..the week's almost over,its term break!its x'mas celebration time!soon...soon..

SPooky

2004-12-16T02:36:00.000+08:00

Jiali gave mi some dark pictures so dat we can mayb applied in our pwpt..but i had to tinker ard with it until my imagination ran wild n sort of gave myself the creeps...especially the cat's eyes that 'fade' in at the last slide..So while i was like adding more stuff and changing bits of this n that, its like the 'cat's eyes' were like starin at me..yikes~ Then..i heard a cat yowling out of nowhere..thinkin it was my cat, i was like goin ard my house calling 'tiger,tiger' my cat's name..n u noe what?it disappeared..where's my cat?argh!!and the meowing n yowling continued..upon further investigation, i realised it was the stray cats at my block that were making the din..and freakin mi out...now at tis time of 230am,i shall shut down the pwpt already n go to sleep...but i can stillpicture the cat's eyes starin at mi eerily in my mind...aaaargh!!!!!

Re-think

2004-12-15T22:54:00.000+08:00

When you think you're the 'gd' one in a relationship..think again cos ur not..you really are not..In fact, for all the 'gd' that u think u may haf done in contributing to the relationship..think again..coz in fact being 'gd' is just the cover up of the hidden 'badness' u haf in u..For all the 'gd' that you've done..you could easily unravel everything with just one bad thing or even a bad sentence which u spoke or did without thinking..which i always seemed to do..*bangs head*..i guessed that goes for every sort of relationship you're involved in..

I'm truly sorry monkey...

Its true when they say u dont know a good thing when its in front of you..u haf to look down from the window of ur room to see him/her standin at the bus stop to realise how much they mean to you..i did..but u've said the words, u've done the actions..In that split second, u can juz undo everything and what seemed to be a wonderful day..the only thing thats left is regret,and hopes that you'll realise the damage u've done n they'll forgive u for it..but sometimes we dun deserved to be forgiven..for it happened too many times...Thats y i noe if he ever walks away from me, i know that i deserved it...for as he had described me so aptly..'you're the difficult one'..

*sad*i deserved his unforgiveness..

Celebrate when i disappear off the face of the earth

2004-12-13T23:56:00.000+08:00

As i squatted at the kitchen and stared at my sis hitting herself for the umpteen times, i cant help but wonder,'what is the pt of my existence anyway when as a sis,i cant even save her from her sufferings'..Y bother idolising at heroes,wishfully thinkin that i could be one when rite at home,i could do nothin but stare at my sis hittin herself, or Mum(not on purpose) whu tried to stop her..Its not the first time that my sis's face is like blue black all over due to all the beatings she set upon herself..its not fair to her, or MUm..life is never fair i know,but when it comes to spcial ppl like her, Dont play life's rules with or against ppl likemy sis..its just cruel esp to ordinary ppl whu haf to take care of such special ppl nite n day like my mum..Y make us the spectators of her internal struggle with herself as she fights wateva inner demons dat she has wif her since birth(or so ppl claimed)..Put her out of her misery..put us out of being helpless~Advanced science cant help, traditional medicines only make her confused..n make the rest of us family blur too..n yah,helpless..

Oh ya,and its my dad's bday today which i cleanly forgot..n he called mi up to lecture mi abt borrowin my sim card to other ppl(which i nvr do cos i'm not Tat stupid as he tinks i could b)..n i sort of like fell myself into the defensive mood again..*sighs*I'm The useless member of the family..y the hell am i even existing?..To families born with special kids, they have Clever daughters n sons whu goes to universities n beyond n make them proud cos someday they wanna help their less privileged sibling..not me..i'm still selfishly findin my own way,hopin tat along the way,i noe whats the ans to help my sis..after like 19yrs, i'm still v.much clueless n lost ar..n yah, didnt get to go uni to make my family proud..instead make them disappoint in me n wasted their hopes..i'm such a self-centred bloody toot toot tooT~Y am i still here..urgh..

Its an eyesore to read my blog i noe..yah,i shall juz get lost.nitez~

Soberin day

2004-12-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

*sober*..somehow i feel like going clubbing again..val,lets go tis wed ok?=D juz kid..though i missed the night life..of dancing ur stresses away..

Today started out as a pretty wonderful day..watched 'santa claus vs the snowman' at the Imax theatre which was quite crap coz it lasted for onli 30mins!!!and it cost 11bucks each..o.O Most ex. movie i ever watched liaoz..it shud put a sign saying 'Movie rated (PG) and to be shown only below the age of 12..wif the exceptions of parents)..cos thats wat it really all was ar..the kids whu manage drag the parents whu haf thick pockets to watch the 30mins show for 11bucks!!urgghh..

After that we went to shop around for matchin sneakers..n we did after stormin thru the crowds in toown..then we went to the rooftop to play...*drumroll* paper aeroplanes!!..Heh,i beat him at sailing paper boats and now i beat him in flying paper aeroplanes..he won like onli 3 times and i won like the rest of them hha...thats the advantage of growin up wif cousins..

Then i went off to meet my sec sch friends for dinner n he went home..coz his friend's bday dinner was canceled n we already parted ways..Ash brought his super young gf of 2 weeks and they were like all over each other tat i wanted to throw my new shoes at them lo..i mean,hello..i do haf an extra pair of shoes to throw at these kind of ppl ar..Anyway,we ate and then left for esplanade..when we were outside the restaurant,the 3 gay stooges* spotted mi n stared at mi for like 5 seconds like i'm a freak or somethin..Weiru,Yu Han n Edmund..I was super DUper SO freakin happi!!Cant believe my eyes aarghh..fyi,these guys were my jc tkd friends ar and two of them acc. kicked mi in the face when we sparred last time,but they're great guys to b around..Chat wif them for awhile and they looked good lor..weiru looked fantastic wif his new glasse(um maybe it was quite old coz havent seen him for like a year)..edmund becomin more n more liek the commando he is trained to be in ns..n yuhan..looked like a girl wahaha..so happy!!Totally changed my mood ard coz was feelin pretty down that he was not wif me..After that i was like 'aaargh,i'm so happpy i'm going crazy!!' as rightly pointed out by my friends..even scared nuraini by slappin down on her shoulders from behind till she almost fell down n has a heart attack.*grinz* Tis is so greaat..i missed my jc friends so much!!!!!

Now i hope to bump into more jc ppl or those i nvr see for like more than a year..so freakin happy aaargh..Still remember the time when we were all trainin n foolin around,esp the guys..that was the best tkd memories i had in my whole tkd experience ar..somehow,it just felt like family though stanley sir was always ard to remind me that i'm the Outsider..but still,it was awesome..i missed jc days..though it was demanding,it just bond everybody together close..esp durin cca..awww..esp mi n sylvia whu were always going against Stanley sir..

oh ya,both my ankles are hurtin,even the not injured one..n i wore sandals yesterday n today when goin out,further hurtin my ankles..damn..

Sobering but freakin happy!!n there's school tomorrow n i didnt even touch a single notebook or paper aaarghhh..*grinz*gdnitez!!

Rotting Day!

2004-12-12T01:19:00.000+08:00

Yay,i rotted at home!For like the first time in a loooooong time..i woke up late then while the time away watching a few movies which i had watched before!Lol!It was a continuation of what i had been doing last nitez too!Which pissed my dad off and made him go to bed early..(think he wanted to watch soccer or something)..What a waste of time but it was nice rotting away with the company of the movies being played on tv..

The first one was this movie which i managed to catch the ending..n i cant remember what was its title..Then came the movie 'Enough' starring J.Lo..the plot itself was good so it doesnt matter who the lead actress was ar..i think this movie was the best out of the rest of her movies..Anyway,the movie was abt this woman trying to run away from her v.determined husband who was 'determined to haf the job,which he did.Determined to haf the house,which he did and determined to haf this woman which he did' as quoted. He turned out to b this psycho rich devious wifebeater kind of guy whu tried all ways and means to keep up with his wife whu was runnin away with their kid. N to make the story interesting,his wife has enuf brains to keep herself n Gracie the kid alive too..by enlistin the help of a gym trainer and taking her husband out by herself with those self-defence tricks she had learnt..'Self defence is never murder' or so she learnt..

The 2nd one was 'Summer breeze of love' chinese movie starring the TWins..which i had watched halfway b4..it was a typical crappy but cute romantic movie abt them and the ups n downs of their love affairs ar..as quoted,'it was a Twins bandwagon'..ONe funny thing that i saw was the product placement thing that happened in the movie ar..I think Triumphs International, the bra company was one of the sponsors...one of the twins acted as a sales asst. in one of the shops which was ok la..what wasnt ok was the DHL thing..like in one of the twins' home,there were actually boxes n boxes of DHL stacked behind their sofas..y?the story never said they were planning to move out or something..I dunno lei,but it was v.obvious.i'm sure DHL was v.happy abt it ar..

Anyway,bumped Maomao or Meemum(the nickname actually fit her name nicely too!) at the toa payoh central while waitin for Val whu was late..she was on the way to meet her family for dinner,and she was late too!..but val and me had quite a boring time trawling thru Causeway pt(we did so juz to avoid the crowds in town but too bad,the crowds had spilled themselves at CP also)..Val bought her clips(For educational purposes;)) and no earrings..i bought Munchies Wafers, and no shoes.."-,-..We both bought Cleo(wif Taufik's face on it!) b4 goin home and spent time lookin at it on the way home ar..The outin reminded mi of the first time i went out with her back in sec 3?When we both dun noe each other much and went out shoppin together only to haf quite a boring time ar..I mean,it was fun that we got to chat and talk and juz caught up ar(esp after like so long nvr spent time with juz her like i used to do while studyin for my a's last yr)..But it was boring in the sense we didnt get to buy anything that we wanted,or needed!Urgh..nvm,next time we shall brave the crowds and hit the town!..

Bleah..nothin much to tok abt..today was juz abt rotting at home and spendin time wif val while the little boy away bbqing wif his sec sch classmates..n yun were wif her parents buying diamonds(o.O?!)..oh ya,and i'm aching everywhere after yesterday's training..and my left ankle is hurtin which is super no good..it is bad news..v.v.bad news which i am now in denial to face..Let me hear the music before i face it ar..

Can i officially declare Saturdays as Rotting days?Coz it is!!..

ideally la...

2004-12-11T03:03:00.000+08:00

K. gave me a mind-challenging qn; 'is it possible two persons are in a relationship w/o realising it?'...Ideally,it is la..realistically..mayb not?..

Two ppl in a relationship w/o realisin it..then if they realise one day,then how?worse still,if they realise n keep quiet for fear of hurtin the other party by commentin abt it..then how?or how abt the end lei..what if they wanna break up,then how?there's no formalities dat goes 'you r my gf/bf' so how do you end it..Isnt it like a person gettin married without realising it also?like britney spears,but tats another story la..Then how do they get divorce..worser-er* still,how do they move on..

THen again,all these formalities'will u b my gf/bf/wife/husband/gay partner' blah blah are simply juz for the rest of us-the audience. We want to know if they are really together, and if they are,why is that,and if they are not,why not..Being the kepo Singaporeans*(whu needs to be told wat to do in order to do what they're told like the govt imposin a smokin ban on pubs/clubs) i guessed we juz wants to know if they Are together,or not...How,when,where,what,why will come later on after then *grand announcement which will set the pasar noises agn as usual..

then again,we need the formalities to confirm our places in society..say the name 'mrs w'- its a name that identified her to being legally married to a certain Mr.W..or a 'doctor' needs to b known as Dr.xyz so dat we public knows he's a DOCTOR..clever us hee..

So can 2 persons be in a relationship w/o realising it?As mr azhar said; 'Can..but maybe not'..May 2 persons b in a relationship w/o realisin it..Err..no permissions asked,juz get on wif it la..

'All da best,K!' i, being the typical person, am waitin the Grand Announcement..

dun care,juz train!

2004-12-11T01:57:00.000+08:00

Juz keep training,training,training*-Dory..ok it wasnt 'training' that she said but 'swimming' but somehow the phrase was in my mind the whole time i was training tonight..though i felt like punching tat stupid stuck up show off arrogant chubby instructor whu came Late, and made us all ended late too!Irritating..heh,my vocab is gd lol~

But training wasnt that bad ar..first time trained after a long time*(2mth odd) of retirement..really tot i will retire n quit the school cca(which left mi wif no other easier options to train, unless i rush down to SP or somewhere under sir)..n wif my crappy timetable,that isnt goin to happen anytime soon either..so wif that in mind(that i haf to retire if i dont wanna go the sch's training) n also the crux(this tkd junior guy mentioned abt a selection trial ongoin for the IVP pattern team)dat made mi dragged my feet to the training ground..onli to find it empty"-,- I WAS CONNED! There was no selection trial,heck,there was nobody there except for a few dancers..but Jolin spotted me n made mi changed my mind abt leaving..her friend is chubby too,and not a bad dancer. Plus,she got mi interested in joinin the dance club under the jap club..err maybe next year la..hmmmz.

Training wasnt bad,it was actually quite nice wif lesser ppl incl. dat of the ntu/smu students ard..until the CHUBBY man appeared n saved*(spoiled) the day. Learnt a few steps of the 1st dan pattern(after like 1.5 years??!) from 1 of the other black belters(the ntu is not counted as teachin coz he was simply displayin his pattern at the speed of light!)..Overall,not bad not bad..the only bad thing was unfit me and i ended up goin home wif aching joints n muscles..(which is actually gd coz that means my joints n muscles are still alive n around somewhere haha woohoo)..i despise the Chubby man. but i kept in mind jady's words;'u r here to train,not to get involve in political stuff'..yea,not political..itz nothing business,itz juz personal=D..oh,and there are changes in the patterns dat i am apparently unaware of, said the ntu black belter..*scratch head*tink so la,i've been out of the scene for some time also..n i heard Spex comin up soon..as usual,dunno,too late to join.most importantly,too unfit!so unfit that i'm dreading sparring liaoz..shame on me..*sighs*i used to love it..i still do..awww.nitez

Now i'm afraid of taking photos

2004-12-03T01:16:00.000+08:00

Yay,i juz watched 'shutter' finally!!After a whole lot of whining abt how no one would acc me to watch, and how by the time they might relent to watch wif me, the show would be over, the little boy finally agreed to watch wif mi!Yay!First time convinced him to watch a horror show wif me..so happy!!But it was Freaki,the show i mean..i can totally believed if its adapted from a true story..now i'm quite scared of takin pictures liaoz..o.O. It was a Nice Horror show for once, not too crap or too fake..juz horror though not tat scary ar..more visual horror than sound(sound effect) horror which always happen in such shows..but some parts were quite farnie like how photos are edited wif the ghostly images thru using photoshop..or that sex-changed lady-man in the toilet wif red fingernails..shant blog so much or i wont b able to sleep liaoz..gdnitez!

Cheater~

2004-12-02T14:04:00.000+08:00

Taufik won the s'pore idol!!!but so what,there'll be no world idol!!and Sly got a BMG contract too!Both of them received the same "prizes" though Taufik is rightfully the s'pore idol la!So anti-climax*disgusted* And While Sly's music future seemed strong,taufik's future is like on rocky platform..hello,who Is the S'pore Idol here?There's no Point Winning like this,there's no pt watching n voting like this lo!S'pore(mediacorp) twisted themselves into knots again..fumbling..how can they not even sure wat to do with the s'pore idol Winner lei..??Diaoz..so pissed off..all those months of hype n voting n proudly wanting an Idol in singapore all amounts to Nothing Lor at this rate..oops,late for meeting liaoz.Grr..

Missing out on holiday spirits

2004-12-02T13:46:00.000+08:00

ScHool has started. Urgh. The lecturers?Bleaah..The modules?Worse; so many 'management' courses dat i'm wonderin if its really Media Studies that i am taking..Like farhanah said, 'I'm confused'..she is not alone=) But C-ing the classmates again once more is awesome!Major rotting time=) or 'mass rotting' right lihui? I wonder what happens when we reach the mass decomposition stage..if ever hha..

First day of School: Scriptwriting/storyboarding module by Ms Latha Kanan..whom Ms chong referred to as 'mis cannon'..my first reaction was 'where's Ms Left..?'(Kanan is 'right' in malay mah..)..my impression was, 'we're dealing wif a bitch here'..She wont even let us walk out of the classroom to go to the toilet..even scolded some of us when we tried to go n made them walked back to their seats..wtf..Nyeh,nyeh, dont like. She was an NP mass comm student once..do they teach them to put on airs there??wateva! Journalistic module was greeted wif homework n a 1wk journal..Since all of us were feelin pretty shitty abt the reopenin of sch right smack in the beginning of holidays!,it was pretty comforting when the lecturer commented tat he's taking it harder than we all are(since his wife are expecting soon)..Sch ended at 7pm and i shant blog abt the rest cos it'll b all abt VC..vibrating condoms?wahaha..no,its my new mentor,bleaah..Oh ya,got my new grp eventually*after 3rounds of shifting ard n balloting due to some discrepancies*..Jiali,Wan,KK n Rachel..mixed match of ppl.Had our 1st meeting on the same day w/o Wan ard(whu was on holidays) n we spent the time crapping abt VC(now its vibratin condoms)commercial hence making rachel(the super pro govt gerl) traumatised throughout wahaha!In conclusion,first day was fun but draggy n slacky(Due to so many hrs break)..

Second day of schoool started with another grp meeting where rachel finally Embraced the idea of making a commercial abt condoms..well not abt condoms totally,but more twds HIV/Aids awareness stuff tats making headlines recently..we came up wif condom waterbomb/multiple bananas/condom skinned banana n wat nots..But Ms "Canon" not really sure abt our idea so we are seeing her today(yah,today,wednesday)..uhh,4got wat time liaoz,die..3pm..315?..KK,enuf abt school liaoz..its draggy n i seemed to be feelin sleepy in Every lesson for some reasons..o.O

Went out wif yun/val Finally..though we didnt get to watch DOllmaster which i had wanted..but still it was nice being wif them Again!SO long never get together liaoz..far east plaza actually looked foreign to me since we usually used to go there always ar..then we went there agn yesterday n though i was quite busy reading the smses which was fwded from my phone(which i left wif the little boy accidentally)to my mother's phone(which i'm usin at the moment) Some clothes actually caught my eye and i'm going back there soon(as soon as i get my Cheers pay)..Hey yah,i quitted..i Finally Quit!!but brenda is holdin on to my resignation letter coz she's aint tat sure whether i really want to quit..i don't really want to la,pretty attached to the place..and wif my dad hardly giving mi pocket money, i might haf to consider withdrawing my letter..*frowns*i dont want to work!*sighs* and my colleague juz got herself terminated for not turnin up for work wat the hell..the shortage of staff problem is gettin ridiculous! n i dont really wanna go back there, knowing i haf to face the same problem all over again..but its not nice leaving the place my colleagues stranded..its not my problem anymore!..but its Not nice..right?*stressed*I need advice..help.Grr

Gonna leave the house to go sch soon..for the 2nd time today.."-,- because i didnt receive the sms tat the 11am lecture was cancelled at the last min..thx gdness i didnt reached school but i reached toa payoh..so i went to buy brunch for my mum/sis/myself..As expected,i bought carrot cake for me!!n laksa n kwa tiao(is tis how its spelled?) for my sis to eat..Ym yum..rot at home after eatin agn..*sniffs*i'm smelling something gd now,tink i'm gonna go finish up my carrot cake yay!..Bye!

Zombie me~

2004-11-22T01:18:00.000+08:00

Woke up after sleepin for 5hrs after 16hrs of work(night shift thru morning shift till 3pm)...didnt even budge when my grandma's family from my father's side came to visit..coz i cant move!Was sleepin on my parents' bed when i was awaken by their chattering sounds then i realised i was in too much pain(in my back) to move..so i juz laid there, and promptly fell asleep again..my back is super numb, especially after puttin on the medicated plasters..Throughout working the night shift, i wasn't in so much pain until dawn broke..like as though got the blunt edges of a knife pressing against the upper half of my spine..at first sharp, then it became a dull pain..the panadol actifast didnt work but in the end, it felt numb...then the lower back started achin coz of too much standing around on my feet which was logical la(after 16hrs of work)..anyway,i cant figure out y the upper back was/is in pain coz i didnt carry much heavy stuff this time around ar..strange. Anyway,i handed in the resignation letter wif a hint of regret coz i noe i'll miss the place after workin for like 12mths..*shrugs*not like anyone really care that i'm leavin la except my nite shift partner whu cant believe that i'm resignin..Haha,i played a joke on her that she's due for work today from 12-11pm and she actually fell for it and called up the office in a frenzy..i'm so gonna b murdered when we work together(for the last time) tis friday nitez..*sad*..

Anyway, yesterday i watched(For the 2nd time) this lame lame lame chinese movie; 'turn left,turn right' Actually, the storyline wasnt that bad except for the ending which sux!And it was directed by wong kar wai(correct anot?) whu's quite reowned for his works ritez.."-,- Is it that the writers didnt haf time to finish their scripts or wat.."Beautiful is uncertainty, but uncertainty is more beautiful.."blah blah the quote that echoed throughout the movie..but wat i remembered clearly was the "millions of times 2 ppl can passed by each other without falling in love but there is also 1 time when 2 ppl passed by each other only to fall in love; which is called 'destiny'"Hmmz..very true..*smiles*..

Didnt get to see the little boy for 3days now.." i am like someone who has lost her shadow" Nvm,will get to c 2morrow=) coz i really, desperately need a trip to see the doctor b4 my back crumples on me..damn back,wats wrong wif u..first the sprained ankle, now the back..i haf a lousy body.. *tinks* oh ya,the dollmaster i heard is no longer showing..har!That goes to show if u really want to see something, go n watch yourself instead of sittin ard waiting for ppl to acc..*gives up* Fine,it happened alot of times to me but i juz cant get that lesson thru my head..juz bounced off me, boing-boing..

School's startin in a week..*yawns*not realli lookin fwd after seein those 'management' modules we haf to take under VC..sianz liaoz..Mi revamped the timetable tat alex emailed us all and changed the colors until look v.pink..hopefully,it'll haf a positive effect on mi besides lookin all nice n pinky..hopefully,the lessons would also be like dat ar*wishful*..

I cant feel my back..

I will come to u

2004-11-22T01:12:00.000+08:00

Hanson I Will Come To You lyrics

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
When you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear I'll be there come what may(Repeat Chorus)'

Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that
I'll be there come what may

When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand
(Repeat Chorus)

Where R you

2004-11-19T02:21:00.000+08:00

Juz got the timetable liaoz after takin a double take readin caryn's blog. hha,i actually glanced at her latest entry then was clickin on the 'back' button when i saw the word' timetable out' and i had to hit the 'forward' button to reread:p Watching Shark's tale was great yesterday ar, especially c-in u n lihui n meemum again ^v^. Even though watched it for the 2nd time, it was still enjoyable, and reconfirmed my suspicions dat LENNY is a GAY shark!!gosh! "i'm a vegetarian" wahaha!..er,a lizard juz crawled across my wall..

Mum's been sick for a couple of days and i'm feelin like one horrible daughter whu instead of spendin time takin care of her, i was out Workin..and not onli for few hours but like more than 8 hours Everyday!!Damn them,i'm beginnin to seriously hate the management..No 3-days holidays for the Malays to celebrate fully..even some of my colleagues had to work like on the first day of hari raya,damn crap! N b4 dat, one of my colleague's aunt passed away and SHE HAD TO COME TO WORK, no compassionate leave. Damn APEK of a manager..n he employed ppl 2day onli to be trained here and transfer to other places..and he stole my colleagues to work in the indoor stadium for the badminton tournament, leavin mi to work the whole shift alone yesterday afternoon,Boo!!but ok la,i treat the place like my own n started scrubbin here n there..wats worse is like the full-timers so preoccupied wif the makeshift stall that they hardly care wats goin on in the Real store-my workplace.never take out cigarettes, never order buns, never help to tidy up either the office or the store. Had their priorities mixed up i tink..i give up.i'm leaving and the proof is i juz printed out my resignation letter. i AM LEAVING, woohoo!i WIll Leave

*sighs* i juz wanna b a student once more. it seems like everyone did better than me ar in the first sem so muz focus more..i dont wan to work. Now still in sch, i dont haf to work. Later on, i haf no choice but to work so why choose the option of workin now when i dont haf to..har,but if dad wont give mi allowance,i got no choice ar..so tired..oh ya, had an enjoyable time wif my sec sch friends the other day at kbox..though i dunno wat the hell they were singin abt(in chinese, no less) except for jady's singin hotel california(which was quite nice btw) it was fun being wif them again..the grp's gettin smaller n smaller though*ponders*..too bad i had to leave like few hrs later coz someone wanted to send me home ar=) Happy belated bday minli,so sorri i didnt get to wish u on the actual day!Stay smart n pretty alwayz ^v^

Raihan smsed mi abt how nobody seems enthusiastic abt goin out hari raya..*shrugs*..we R driftin apart mah, esp wif everyone havin their own other halves, but mostly, all are beginnin to haf their own Lives ar..nuraini's gonna graduate out of poly soon..n she's the Farthest among us already la, not realli interested wats up wif us oso..in the World that She created on her own right in NYP..without Us..n around her So-called Popular, Pretty Talented friends(whom she tried hard to be also la as wat we 2 can see, but CMI) Azim?dunno lei,i'm not that Close to him..Besides, after the huge fights she had wif her bf abt nurain's bf whu kept callin her, nobody can blame them that the friendship is like a breakin twig already..i hope mine's wont but it could pretty much go that way too..*ponders* Does friendship really ever last? Even if it does, is the same Enthusiasm shared when it begins, stay the same when its lasting or ending?..Sad..Val,yun?are we still watchin the doll master?Or haf u 2 watch already..*sighs*u 2 oso i hardly see anymore..wats up, take care k ..*sad*..

Its the end of the year liaoz..where's everybody is the qn on my mind..huiling, rena, frennies;addy,belle(S!),yirang,amelia(Amk!),justina teo,ming,joy,hani=all of us used to be each other's strength for comfort/support esp durin the times of the a'levels(exactly a year ago) ....val..yun..nuraini..azim..blah blah..hey Ming, are u coming back for xmas from australia??i oso dunno if she's readin my blog hha.

TO the Nus ppl(norisha,addy,hani,yirang?,amelia, isabelle),i noe the exams upon u all now,study hard n enjoy the holz k,best of luck!

To the SIM ppl(Clarabelle,joy) is the holidays over?i dunno lei,but jia you!! THx for ur note,c-belle~Joy?i heard nothing from u, like hani said: "joy, are u still alive?-joy to the world"

To Yun/Val: It was me whu called this afternoon usin my workplace's number ar cos the supervisor wans mi to enquire abt starhub stuff. Sorri he brushed either of u off when 1 of u called back ar..=) Take care my 2 pillars of strength..

KK,now feelin down already after tinkin n writin those thoughts down..i need a hug. Monkey, hug..

FOund:Poem

2004-11-16T01:36:00.000+08:00

I found a poem!!Regretfully,its not mine..COme to tink of it, havent been writin for long

"Sunset"

I wonder how I ever made it thru the day
How did I settle for a world in shades of grey
When u go in circles all the scenery looks the same
And you don’t know why
Then I looked into your eyes
Where the world stretched out in front of me
And I realised
I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn’t really living
I never lived before your love
I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky
I stand b4 you and my heart is in your hands
And I don’t know how
I survived without your kiss
Cause you’ve given me a reason to exist
…
And I don’t know why, why the sun decides to shine
But you breathed your love into me just in time

"The graveyard at sunset"

2004-11-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

Do not steal this title or i'll sue u for copyright!IF i'm gonna write a book,thats gonna be my title..juz like my lit.teacher told mi Her title which i shall not reveal ..but it gotta do wif food strangely..Heh,write a book?more like writin it in the clouds in the dreams that fill my mind..I r realised i haf alot of stuff to write abt usually..but,there's no comp. or laptop or palmtop ard for mi to type so the thoughts are usually gone after a few steps..*tinks*..oh well

"The graveyard at sunset" is AbSolutely Beautiful..so Serene..its The place i've been Lookin for, for a peace of mind..not by the beach, not in my bedroom but at the graveyard with the setting sun on the horizon..The air is so still,so calm u can hear ur own thoughts(and maybe that of others alive or dead..?:P kiddin)..I fell in love since i stepped on it sunday's evening when i went to visit my late grandpa's grave..The smell of flowers,fresh mud(sand,soil wateva)..esp. the settin sun on the horizon(ok,i said dat twice..)..the wind blowing ever so softly every few mins or seconds..like my uncle said, sittin there can b so peaceful tat makes u wanna fall asleep..i Lurvve it there..more so wif the fact that its 1 place i could connect wif my late grandpa..in truth,i didnt want to leave..

'be wif' him..as though he's still ard(like my uncle said) and he's listening to my thoughts that go unspoken..My uncle told me to talk to 'him' but i cant say it out loud verbally..or else i'll juz bawl my heart out..there is so much i wanna convey..dat i juz hope that he could listen n understand what my heart wanna say..abt my family,abt Our family(big n nuclear n umm,sometimes warring?)..abt me,abt him,abt grandma,abt everything..Its the Place where i could "be together" once more..not physically but spiritually..spiritually,he's there..more than ever for thats his final place..As my uncle had said, its like he's sitting down there n lookin up at us lookin down at him..*bite lips*..So often the tears threatened to fall but didnt,thx gdness or it'll never stop ar..its threatenin again now so i'm gonna blog abt the beautiful scenery instead..Pity it was gettin dark n we had to go,there are so many graves i wanna visit..my late great-grandma, my step-grandpa(father's side-te real one passed away in melaka) esp my first & best friend i made in my life dat i lost long ago..ok,am i soundin a bit morbid?:D Sometimes i worry abt my state of mind..

Kk,my malay aint that gd but to me its somethin like 'suasana sepi dan suci di tanah perkuburan"..aura of peacefulness yet pure in this final restin place..sometin like dat lah,dunno how to describe..funny ha..i love the graveyard..i tink ppl readin tis will b a bit weird out liaoz..my mind is still back there after like more than 24hrs after i left it..My mum said that such visits will usually make one change for the better for they get to see how they would one day end up like..like them whu were already there..*dreamz*..if onli i could b a better person..as in spiritually*where i am quite stupid to say the truth* n mentally..ppl says i'm strong,but dats not true to me ah..itz juz a facade of the weakness of who i am inside..Being strong isnt strength to me,its weakness..its defence at its ultimate..its not a good thing for in the end,the 'strong' ones are the one left standin on their own..Alone..My 'strength' is to me, my greatest weakness.

Anyway,i'm havin a horrible time wif the upper part of my back..for unknown reasons..itz juz givin mi spasms of pain from time to time until i could cry out loud n crumble..n sometimes i didnt do anythin lo..like dat time was prayin n i sneezed twice n my upper back screamed in pain tat i realli tot i'll faint ar..i havent been training so that couldnt b the problem..unless like wat my mum said, u havent been training tats y ur back pain..huh??Or is it coz of aikido trainings where sometimes will get forced down by the partner in session ar when practising the different techniques of unarmed combat..Sometimes when i'm down on the mat,i wonder y the hell i joined aikido onli to get such treatments..and some partners are juz heartless!Use strength to make mi go down coz they noe i'll resist hee:D..I guessed dats y sensei said he and the other higher belters will noe whu had practised martial arts b4, for such ppl would usually try to resist when being tried out the moves..he said somethin hurtful at tat session too, directed to the other practitioners of martial arts like me for insteance(not sure if he noes i'm one la)..but tkd is a sport wat..(Denial :D) Anyway i cant remember and i shant bother to, coz it'll affect my focus in learnin aikido..

"The graveyard at sunset"-too beautiful to describe, too pure to be tainted wif mere words of mine..like the sun,it tinges wif sadness of separation of the night between day, the ones dat had walked the earth and the ones dat still do..As the sun sets,it brings abt the loneliness of the grave sleepers whu are left on their own once more as the living goes on home...

Down N Out

2004-11-14T03:18:00.000+08:00

Sick.I am SIck-as in physically..n maybe a little(or alot)mentally..so not well,can i dont celebrate hari raya..its not the first time i've been sick on tis special day..maybe its coz i dont look fwd or treasure it,thats y..i'm havin gastric flu after havin gastric pains for almost a week already..Hmm,mum wants mi to vacuum the house.off i go.Slamat hari raya !!

Silently...Vicious circle

2004-11-13T07:46:00.000+08:00

Against tears,pain,anger,denial,sadness..?Trying to stand resolute on the shaky ground..never to forget..easy to forgive..trust,distrust..mistrust..Everything rolls into one,they say..to become wat...complete mess..absolute nothingness..blur?nah,its clear..Sun is shining,its dark in my room..Sun is shining furiously,i don't feel da heat though..Fan is blowing but i dont feel the breeze..Its a beautiful day, for sure its gonna be..i feel untouched ..right here typing,i feel ..cold..on my own..

Scab on the leg/body part..like a past hurtful memory on one's life tat serves to be there as a reminder..tat never lets u 4get..sometimes it leaves a scar so dat u'll always remember it..dull,etching,itching blot on ur skin dat will never,ever go away..Pick,pick,pick on it to ease away the itch,the pain but it bleeds further as though like one whu pursue one's unhappiness to find the reason to end it all..in an attempt to start anew/fresh/stops the pain..it only serves to create a whole new circle of pain n itchiness again..jus like an attempt to find a cure to the unhappiness n pain, only to be reminded fully by it in the end, creating a new wave of pain n sadness..

S.E.N.S.E.L.E.S.S

"y u cry?i'm not dead yet"..yah,ur not.i am..deep inside..somehow,somewhere..something died..or is dying..

I juz woke up!!

2004-11-10T13:26:00.000+08:00

Hha,i juz woke up!!kiddin la..an hour ago abt 11am wahaha..n ppl were callin mi nonstop n interrupting my sleep argh(buggers!!) first was raihan smsing mi when i wanna break fast wif her..2nd was brenda screamin at my ear why i nvr turn up for work(i faked mc ar) and third was norisha in her jovial tone asking whether i wanna break fast wif her 2day, and askin mi to decide rite then n there..i replied her later la(when i'm more awake)..dats y i hate putting my phone to "Alive" mode..its damn noisy ar.."silent" mode is so much much much betta ahh..I think i seriously wanna quit Cheers,its not fun working there anymore; understaff,underpaid, and under-appreciated..especially under that 'apek' of a manager..everyone is stressed out,tense, and well not happy la..

Anyway,4got wat i wanna blog liaoz aha..hmz,waisan juz smsed mi..n i still dunno whether i can turn up for the birthdayS celebrations tomorrow liaoz..n syahidah still never reply coz i wanna change shift wif her in order to make it to the celebrations ar grrr!!..

My cousin whu stayed wif mi juz left to return to his 'hometown' in batam..'hometown' for thats where he got his education from, but he's a pure red-blooded singaporean (farnie ar,indonesians go to extremes to put their child to study here, but its happenin the other way for my cousin) but onli for awhile,i hopes he comes back n not heed my father's advice to get out..it was fun havin him around, esp to my mum..its juz dad whu refused to let him stay on wif us coz he wants back his room(which was currently occupied by my cousin)..selfish right..now we got a decker bed so i hope he change his mind abt chasin my cousin out..waah,he's not staying for hari raya, celebrating it instead at Batam where his parents are living at..aww

gtg already,will blog more tonight hopefully*sunny smile*

i am cat-less

2004-11-10T01:14:00.000+08:00

lol,firstly i realised i'm dumb, as correctly pointed out by "jimmy chew" -
http://asiantown.net/blog/fla/are_you_dumb.swf lol!

Secondly,i'm cat-less. i have No cats in the house anymore, absolute zilch,zero cats around. i am Cat-less. N it feels bad. i feel lonely..n the house feels empty without her queenly presence:( Even Kiki's gone n she was around for like 6,7 years..haiz.hopefully she'll come back as she always does..

Thirdly, yah i'm back to my feet, walked away from my despair n stress n self-pity as usual..feels great,feels..normal *shrugs*
"When life gets the best of me, i juz think of you"-Tata young

I cleaned my fridge today*proud*..i am the official fridge cleaner at home and i do the job damn well..maybe i shud consider it a secondary career..or just a career..Ppl always say to hav a job that showcase n brings out the best of ur abilities..um ya,cleaning a fridge is one..Not bad wat,a fridge-cleaning service. i dont think there's one out there in the market...

Anyway,i got my results today..it was the first thing i did after Meemum smsed mi to ask how's life n how's my results..and i was like, huh?results out already meh,where..it was out since 6th nov hha..laggin as usual->me=) ..and my first reaction was?Gross, no 'A' sia..though having no 'E' on it as my jc results had usually produced was pretty pleasing to look at la..but still..pretty rounded results,dun understand the credit thing lei..how come low grade but high credit..or is it the higher the number means lower credit..??!Ok,tis sounded stupid la but like that 'jimmy chew' said, i am dumb,i am a loser wahaha..*shrugs-sunny smile* Thought i had failed 'broadcast' but still got a 'c+' in the end,not bad ar..maybe it was the crappy interview ica i had wif ms soo siew lee..wah lauz,damn crap ar her..i still remember

Me:So as a career woman etc etc..wat does ur husband think of it..

MsSSL: He's fine with it,in fact he doesnt mind. he's a househusband u see

Me:(aghast-i didnt expect that)

Me:Sorry,he's a househusband?U mean he takes care of the household chores n stuff. In the elizabethan era where men brings the dough home, and women stays home to cook n maintain the house, what does he think of the roles being switched around these days?

MSSL: He doesnt mind it at all. I bring the dough home, and he..he takes care of the household chores, the kids..etc

Me:(aghast-this woman is damn crap lo,wanna make me fail isit?I'll take her on)

Me: So what does his parents tink of it then..esp his dad?

Ms SSL: Oh,his dad Was a househusband too you see..so they don't mind. they're the average, modern singaporean family..

Me:(damn her)So it ran in the genes, u mean..(Diaoz!)

(i managed to divert her back to the ica interview topic thankfully)

So crash,bang,damn interview but i tink it pulled mi thru ar, esp after screwin up the stand-upper totally..hated broadcast but ms rose is nice..Sometimes i wonder wat am i doin bein in the media when i hates the spotlight or limelights, but then i remember,i love writing ^v^..but scriptwritin module didnt do as well as expected,waah..pretty sad ar..the 3 modules i sayang;scriptwriting,comp.tech,n marketing..all do ok onli waah..creative module as expected didnt do well la,i knew miss ovidia wasnt impressed by me ..n intro.to media..muz b the paper that screwed me ar..dun like e-exams,urgh. i've decided who i wanna work with in the future..Right Angles, Disney Channel, or advertising agencies..Pixar would be a dream man..i always wanted to work in those children programmes but too bad,i dun luv the camera dat much..oh well...stop dreaming,better start workin harder next sem..real real hard..but thx gdness also i didnt hav the 'a' i wanted in comp.tech module..or i would b seriously thinkin if i had ended up in the wrong course when i could hv gone into Digital media instead..*sunny smile*..it all works out in the end,no choice mah..

Didnt go online for the past few days,almost a week ar cos was workin in expo at the Giants sale..it was a great sale!!i wish i was the customer,will shop till drop sia..the ahem,bras were so dirt cheap!..n the bikinis were like 4bucks..fine,i dont wear,but they could make a gd bra..ok,i shall change topic..workin there was real fun, met alot of nice Giants staff whom some of the names i never really get..but like i told jasper, workin wif them for few days of course they're nice,but when it comes to long term working relationship,it may be a different story..My sales tallied for all 4days*happy* except for the 2nd day when i had shortage of 0.25 cents and jasper had excess of 0.25 cents..we probably mixed up our float earlier on ar..he gave me the excess money so both our sales tallied in the end ar... I had never seen or handle so much money before sia..especially the 3rd day when customers kept giving 50dollar bills so i had like huge stacks of it by nighttime..then it was the 1st time i saw a 1000dollar note in front of my very eyes(not by my counter,but from my mornin shift colleague)..i'd probably gawk if a customer gives mi such a huge bill..Anyway,it was a fun experience working there ar,really learnt how experienced i had become in being a cashier after workin in Cheers for almost a year..the crowd wasnt as teruk as aljunied cheers but to scan n pack huge items like a fan,dvd players,comforters was pretty eye-opening sia..especially if i have no packer by my side..Met a few nice ppl like Evonne,my first day packer*hugs*her friend Wai Shin(also my packer for the 3rd day) n Nurul, another fellow cashier whom i have yet to give my number too..Gillian was the hot cashier but a bit blur when it comes to sales..n yeh,long live the 'mat kentals' of secondary sch age who likes to sound girls few hrs or days after setting eyes on them*rolls eyes*..the lameness of these guys n girls leaves behind a tradition..

Tomorrow takin mc coz mama wanna go for dental appt and no one's ard to take care of sis..felt a bit bad coz i promised brenda i'd work ar..then must return the Giants uniforms n punchcard back to tbc..farnie how that company had changed in my eyes coz used to curse them upside down coz they had paid my salary so damn late ar..but it was thru them where i had met jasper ar, n got to know so many great, and not great ppl around..oh yea,the guy whu handled my first job there i heard was either fired or ran away coz of some problems..gd riddance i said=)..nitez

The clouds cried with me tonight

2004-11-04T01:19:00.000+08:00

Jus went in to yahoo.com and found out the results of the us presidential elections-'george bush wins 2nd term'. *heart skips a beat*..oh no,he already turned the world upside down after 4 years, now he's gonna turn it inside out..hopefully he turns it right la..um ya hopefully.

Oh,the clouds cried wif mi tonight..it was so beautiful though deep inside, i was a wreck..jus sat down under my void deck as i always do after work n just let a few tears slide by..i'm tired of coming home to face angry ppl..i'm tired of being the brunt of ppl's anger both at work n at home n everywhere i go..i'm tired of knowing that sometimes i'm the cause of ppl's anger for reasons i have no idea Why..and i'm tired of apologising for mistakes i didn't noe i had made in the first place..Saying sorry isnt the hardest thing..its Easy..S.O.R.R.Y k for whateva i had done to make all of u angry or sad or hurt..it wasnt in my deepest intentions..it wasnt even on my Mind to receive Anger from Anyone..i just wanna get thru the day with a smile..not from me,but from everyone else..its not easy i noe..i didnt smile much 2day..even if i did,maybe it was fake..can say trying to hard to let the sun comes out when its hiding n shivering behind the dark clouds..I'm Tired of Being ME,of Being NIce Jus so i can receive a Smile in return..P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C i say me..i'm tired of being Me..

Ppl says when the clouds cry,its because the loved ones that had passed away are crying cos of missing those who still walks the earth..Muslims believe that when drizzles occur, its a form of blessing...So is it a blessin that it rained coincidentally the moment when george bush was announced the winner?..

*40 mins later*OK,i'm in a better mood after crapping around wif my pj tkd friend hha..much much better so not gonna grouse further..*smiles*damn him,gave mi so many pictures of girls yet said none is his girlfriend..though one was his ex la,and i saw HUiling!!i saw my good jc friend n ex-classmate,huiling!!*happy* So long nvr see her liaoz so when saw her in the neo print he sent mi made mi so happi hha..but my friend,he looks gd after the surgery..i remembered huiling tellin mi dat oso..yup,he looks gd but still the crappy guy i noe la..whu else can cum wif such crap of sendin mi so many photos of girls wif him slingin his arm ard them, onli to noe that none is his gf..diaoz..

*5mins later*I am shit N.O.T.H.I.N.G to nobody or anybody..*shrugs*my existence on this earth is not justified. gdnitez

Sometimes i know how U feel

2004-11-03T01:16:00.000+08:00

Ya,my friend,sometimes i think i do know how u feel...coming home to a whacked up house(mine not be as bad as urs but its still pretty whacked..)..Coming home onli to be greeted' eh, you dunno whats home anymore is it?'..if i dunno,i wont have return in the first place..but yah,u could say that.sometimes i dunno what home is anymore..

B4 i come home,already got scolded by dad who's working..then i came home to be greeted with darkness n silence..no kitty to wlcm n greet me as usual..no acknowledgement that hey my presence Is wlcm see..Sometimes when i come home to situations like this faced with a home of angry,temperamental ppl..u noe what, let me walk out again.....if my presence only serves to irritate u further,let me go..out of your lives 4eva la,it'll make u happier hopefully..

Come home to see dad's not around..or zonked out on his bed,oblivious to the world..usually he's not around..day and nitez;always occupied wif somethin else rather than his family...work,work like an animal but no money to give us..i noe i grumbled abt this a 1001 times but its still da same,day in, day out..OR come home to face an angry mother..y angry?Beats me..nah,i noe y..coz of sis..absence of dad's presence nvr failed to make her cry the whole nitez thru so that it'll irritate mum whu'll then use her tongue against me..seriously,what did i do?i didn't irritate her in the first place..I TRIED to b the good daughter once in a while,for wat..to flinch whenever she wields her sharp tongue against me...i noe i'm not a Perfect daughter,but at least i don't end up in jail every weekend..I don't sleep around to screw up my life, i don't flirt around to have fun to fulfill my lustful desires..i don't wear sexy clothes to show off whateva assets i have or have not..i don't do such things jus so i wont get onto their warpaths n adds to their problems..but maybe,my presence IS a problem in the 1st place...So dad's occupied wif work, mum gets occupied/angry at sis and direct her "energy" at me..me?i will juz lock herself in the room(like now)lost in her own world..hello,this is 'home' i don't want to be in my own world..i wanna be home...surrounded by familial love n comfort n warmth..i don't wanna come home to face angry ppl..i don't wanna come home knowing i'll juz b scolded or ignored (the former is when they're awake, and the latter is when they're asleep)..

i guessed it must be the serious glitches in the education system harboured all the way from pri sch when they instilled in us the meaning of 'father' and 'home'..father is the head of the family and it is his responsibility to keep his family safe, happy, healthy blah blah blah..and 'home' means a shelter under your roof where you live with your family members; an environment that is cosy,warm and filled with LuuRRve that makes u go 'aww..'..u noe wat?bullshit. Father is just a role that a man is forced to assume when he realised that he has an extra mouth or two to feed as indicated by tradition n education..there is no guidebook that teaches him to be a 'father' he gotta learn..and along the way,he'll make mistakes and the family is supposed to be all forgiving in nature n accepts him the way he is..cant accept;take it the modern ways;'divorce',single-parent family; dysfunctional..Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day;teach a man how to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime..in this case, the father gotta find the teacher first..and sometimes he never does..find it,i mean. 'Home'..is a place where i belongs..and if i dont?its called 'shelter' or worse, refugee camp.

So sometimes i noe how my friend feels when she says she juz wanna get out of the house and set up one of hers ..at least dont have to cum home to face those angry faces all geared to throw shit at ur face as a release of their pent-up anger..yet i do know settin up a home of my own would just b another new set of problems altogether complete with four walls n a roof..whats sad is its not jus my friend n me feelin this way..ALOT of ppl do..ALOT of singaporeans do..thats y there's bachelor and bachelorette pads around..coz we want to have that shred of belief that had instilled in us since pri. sch still be true...That coming home means coming back to where one belongs...and coming home means coming back knowing that your presence and existence in the world is wholly justified

My friend:"Its shameful when our pets, four-legged creatures, are able to show their love to us where our family cant.." Nicely put, i say.

i know what a dream is now. A dream is a piece of reality that'll always be one step out of our reach..coz once touched,it'll shatter or closed up..like a mimosa plant.

Me:I missed my cat..at least she acknowledge my presence and wlcm it..at least i know she Loves me..n now she's gone...-despairs-